To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

[wetwinter]

Toddler (2 and a half) is watching too much TV. I know this.

She generally wakes at around 6, and I go downstairs with her so she doesn’t wake anyone else up. And the TV does go on then. It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.

Then I make breakfast and get everyone dressed and out on the school run for older sibling. We then generally do an activity in the morning; a playgroup or swimming. We do get outside if the weather is OK. Then home for lunch. It’s then things get a bit tricky. She has dropped her nap and attempts to encourage ‘quiet time’ haven’t been very successful; she just cries / gets upset in her cot. So she watched TV during and after lunch.

Then after I’ve picked her sister up from school they play for a bit but then at around 4, she’s getting very, very tired and her sister is also wanting to chill out and watch some TV, so on it goes again

I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development. It wasn’t too bad when she slept a bit later in the morning and was still napping; it was just a little bit in the morning and then evening. Now though it feels like it’s really creeping up but with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.

I know there are activities like reading, colouring which we do do but they don’t hold her attention for long at all.

I am wondering whether to just accept it’s winter; the screen time will go up and go down to sensible levels again as the weather improves or to make more of an effort!

Sorry but that is way too much screen time. You are making a rod for your own back by letting this happen. No TV or screens for toddlers, and TV for the two children only after school for an hour or so. They really don’t need it x

Honestly… the reason you feel bad about it is because you know you’re putting it on to keep her quiet and have an easier life. And you know this is not optimal for her development.

It’s up to you whether you want to reduce the amount. It would be better for your daughter and a harder life for you… in the short term, at least.

I am quite relaxed about screen times and games etc. As long as they do well at school, do some hobbies, have some time outdoors, then I dont have a problem. My kids turned out fine 🙂

So she cries or gets irritated and you give in and put the TV on... you know what's wrong with this, what youre causing, why you're doing it.

Not going to join in on the inevitable pile on, but rather ask what can you do about it? Is there any more support you can tap into?

Some ideas I have, since I’m also guilty of letting my nearly 2 year old watch too much TV!

• could you go to bed earlier, so that at 6am you do feel like playing with her? That sounds like it could be lovely quality time, and I always find my DD is at her best in the morning. Or if your DC wake up in the night, can your DH do more so you feel more awake?
• why not make colouring the quiet time activity? It doesn’t have to be in the cot, you can just read or colour or listen to music without the tv.
• if you have the funds, why not invest in a tonie box or yoto player for screen free time? I also recommend the kiwi company toys
• personally, I don’t like screens during meals - that’s an easy way to cut screen time.

But it is hard! You can only do your best, and winter will end eventually.

My kids is sick and sat watching paw patrol so i am not puritan but
it sound like 6 hours+ of tv per day...
Written down ypu must see 6-8hours is excessive and not "okay".

I have a 3 and 2 yr old
In the morning my 3 yr old is up at 6 (why?!) and she plays by herself and with my dh or a bedraggled semi conscious me.

We do none or 15 mins max before the day starts and maybe 15 /20 mins or none in the PM just so i can clean up and get stuff sorted.

Afternoons maybe 30 mins if i need break but thats 1-2 days max.

What you describe isnt right.
You will have to reset with her but kids are fairly compliant once a new routine is established.

My dd doesnt love drawing.
We do a lot of magnatiles, floor is lava, obstacle courses and "building towns" also colour sorting with those bowls with plastic bits and tongs. Also baking is a big hit

How many hours a day is she watching?

Yes you should give yourself a hard time about this.

here is an idea: put music on instead of the tv and leave a choice of two toys out - different ones each morning. If I leave a toy out it’s played with. Could be duplo or some cars or teddies on a blanket with a toy teaset.

You have answered your own question.
Your toddler watches too much TV.

I think one session of TV is okay for a break at this age. I used to limit it that way unless I was having an exceptionally bad day and needed a bit more space.

I don't think it's great to put it on first thing. She needs to be with you in the kitchen or with everyone else getting up. She doesn't need to be given an activity as such at that time. That should be the easiest win.

Lunchtime is when I used to have a break and put the TV on for a bit as downtime, then we'd go out again, but perhaps if it's going on for everyone at 4pm then you need to find activities for lunchtime. Definitely not on during meals. Reading, audio, podcasts and crafts are all options if playing is hard going.

It sounds like you're a SAHM mum by the way, is that what you want? I couldn't have done it myself because I find playing mind numbing and needed the change and challenge that work gave me. Is it something you'd consider? Or what about a couple of nursery sessions a week if you need a break?

This is/was my approach.

I never cared for the rigid ridiculously early bed times either or dashing home from anywhere for sacred nap time 🤣

Every child, in every family has different needs and in my opinion, you do what you've got to do sometimes.

It sounds like you're getting out and about, she's mixing with different people and doing different activities which is great. She's only little, waking early and has dropped her nap, possibly before she was ready to, in those circumstances, having the TV on after a busy morning is not the end of the world and it's not going to be forever.

My DD has never needed much sleep, I tried and tried to get her into a bedtime routine deemed suitable for her age but it just meant she woke even earlier, so she used to have videos on in the evening up until about 8pm, then a cuddle and story before sleep at about 9pm, she would be awake by 5am at the absolute latest and so the TV went on some mornings to.

It wasn't ideal but it was a question of finding a middle ground that worked for us both as a working single parent.

It was just a stage, time passed, different needs came and went and at 23, she doesn't even have a TV!

Be kind to yourself and enjoy your time with your little one, have a snuggle on the sofa watching TV together.

i am very relaxed on static screens with my 3ish year old and we definitely have CBeebies on for about 4 hours a day amidst construction toys, chores in the house, an activity outside, crafts, a club. She is also at nursery for 3 days a week.

We only watch live ceebeebies and there is no on demand tv or kids YouTube. It’s broadly educational and if she doesn’t like what’s on, she’ll just go and do something else

What is she watching? If it’s the awful pinkfong stuff on Amazon and YouTube dross for so long a day, I would cut that out.

I remember what it’s like to have toddler who won’t ‘do’ traditional activities without flitting from one thing to the other- but you just need to lower your standards for mess and going between toys. Her attention span will get better. But to do that she needs to learn to be bored, or she won’t learn how to play.

Well you know it’s too much screen time but you don't really want to do anything about it. This is the easiest age to manage screen time. It will only get harder. You don’t get these early developmental years back so personally I wouldn’t brush it off as something that can’t be helped.

I wasn't happy with how much TV my son was watching, and he still has a little, but we spent two weeks breaking to bad habits.

No TV first thing in the morning.
No TV after 4pm.

Start with putting TV back til lunchtime, and keeping it short.

Now he watches very little and plays a lot more. He doesn't ask for it, and doesn't complain when it's switched off.

I am aghast that you think what sounds like six hours or more a day of screen time is something you shouldn’t be giving yourself a hard time over 😳

We used to put the TV on in the morning, DD1 went through a period of waking before 6 and try as I might, I am not a morning person. I won't be playing. So Cbeebies went on.

With DD1 the TV was on most of the day TBH, I needed the noise and preferred it to the radio. She pretty much ignored it once my initial morning slump had passed.

My only concern is whether it affected behaviour. So is she whining for the TV or throwing tantrums if it's not on, or gets turned off? Is she capable of concentrating on something at an age appropriate level.

The problem is less of the screens but the replacement of screens instead of interaction.

An aquaintance of mine who has serious depression bought a giant tv as soon as her kids were born and sat them in front of it all day everyday. Every single time I went round there those kids were glued to the tv.
I was convinced the pair of them would end up not being able to read, write or get a job but as teenagers they are actually quite bright and do very well at school including the older one who is autistic and has some learning disabilities.
I have to say I am very surprised about that.

@Engelah she watches Moana and Frozen <sigh> but also Hey Duggee and JoJo and Gran Gran, which I don’t mind.

@Onemorestepalongtheroad thats literally why I’m posting. There is always one

@Gettingbysomehow yes, my older child seems to be achieving well and has good friendships despite being in front of the TV so much.

I am kind of somewhere between the two points on here. I don’t mind a bit of TV but am a bit worried about how it’s crept up. I do remember stressing about it with DD1, though, especially the winter of 22/23 when I was pregnant and sick but she’s fine as far as I can tell. Still, she didn’t sit and watch it in the way DD2 does.

She has a Tonie box but just keeps taking the characters on and off it; it’s definitely a toy they grow into.

Personally I think you really need to cut back, but I get that it's hard. I would start by ditching the tv during meal times, as that's not setting her up for good habits. If your issue is getting her to sit and eat, could you try reading her a story or listening to an audio book as a transition? Or make it fun by having a carpet or den picnic to mix things up.

In the morning can you get her to help you with jobs like loading and unloading the washing machine and dishwasher, sorting the laundry, pre-preparing dinner etc? Do some cleaning and give her a little warer spray and a cloth and get her to wipe down the cupboards or the skirting boards. I get that you're tired and it seems impossible, but if you used that time to get some stuff done might it free up some time later on for you so that you can get more downtime in the evening or go to bed earlier.

Personally I would be aiming to only have the after school tv at the most, but I think you ahould take it slowly so it feels more manageable.

If you want to make a change, i would stop using any on demand stuff- just do normal live tv from the channel option on iPlayer and keep films for Friday nights as a special thing with popcorn.

and no tv until after breakfast. If she’s up 6am, baby proof the room and leave toys out.

mine literally just watched grace’s amazing machines and then dragged the magna tiles out to make a shipping container crane. It can be inspiring and lovely, even in large doses.

I think TV is great and as someone who does the daily childcare with the kids, a salvation! But sticking films on at 6am in the morning to keep them quiet does build bad habits.

I don’t think TV is inherently bad, but I do think it becomes an issue when you use TV to fill time, which seems to be the case here.

For a start, 6am seems a completely normal time to get up. Was up at that time pre kids and post kids and never thought to put the TV on. Surely your other DC can’t wake up much after 6am anyway?

We did have TV after school but it was scheduled - 5pm for roughly 45 minutes while I cooked tea. They knew it was a hard no any other time around that.

The nap drop is hard - both of mine did not get the memo about replacing the nap with ‘quiet time’ and both of them were still too physical to sit and play with toys for long as toddlers. So we played physical games in the house (dancing to music etc) or we went out, often for a second time, for any reason I could find for a walk, come rain or shine.

I doubt the TV will do her much harm long term so YANBU in that sense, but at 2.5 it’s probably time to think about putting her in nursery a few days a week even if you’re not working if affordable?