To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

[wetwinter]

Toddler (2 and a half) is watching too much TV. I know this.

She generally wakes at around 6, and I go downstairs with her so she doesn’t wake anyone else up. And the TV does go on then. It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.

Then I make breakfast and get everyone dressed and out on the school run for older sibling. We then generally do an activity in the morning; a playgroup or swimming. We do get outside if the weather is OK. Then home for lunch. It’s then things get a bit tricky. She has dropped her nap and attempts to encourage ‘quiet time’ haven’t been very successful; she just cries / gets upset in her cot. So she watched TV during and after lunch.

Then after I’ve picked her sister up from school they play for a bit but then at around 4, she’s getting very, very tired and her sister is also wanting to chill out and watch some TV, so on it goes again

I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development. It wasn’t too bad when she slept a bit later in the morning and was still napping; it was just a little bit in the morning and then evening. Now though it feels like it’s really creeping up but with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.

I know there are activities like reading, colouring which we do do but they don’t hold her attention for long at all.

I am wondering whether to just accept it’s winter; the screen time will go up and go down to sensible levels again as the weather improves or to make more of an effort!

I sympathise with the crappy weather OP. I’m in Scotland and we have rain rain and more rain on the menu every day. I’m also relaxed about tv- but it sounds like way too much for me.

I know that age is tricky for enjoying crafts, and you’ll know that does get easier, but there are other things that could hold her attention more at this age. Play doh and kinetic sand are great especially with a variety of different rollers and cutters.

We get out in any weather because at this time of year if we didn’t wrap up and get out in a bit of rain, we’d never see the light of day. But yes, there’s definitely more time spent at home than in the spring and summer. At that age the most bang for my buck in terms of indoor activities were play doh, kinetic sand, den building, wooden train tracks, and extra baths. There are lots of fun, skin-safe bath foams and jellies to make more fun out of bath time. Tomy do great bath toys like the bath barista, but flinging some odds and ends from the kitchen in with them is also entertainment enough.

I’d cut down on the telly.

Also - my mum also went through cancer treatment in her 30s (I was older, but not by much) and my dad was at work a lot and I remember watching a lot of Disney videos with her. We also read a lot, but there was a lot of TV - which she reminded me of when I was beating myself up about the amount of TV DD was watching when I was ill. I got a 1st class degree in Law, have always read for pleasure, have always exercised in one way or another and have a decent career so I really don’t think that “screens” are the issue per se; I think it’s the internet, the quality of what children are watching, algorithms and the rest of the parenting when the screens aren’t on that impacts the child.

OP is asking if she is being unreasonable to ignore the feeling that she’s not doing the best for her DD. And the reality is that if she can change things so her DD is engaged in activity for most of those hours she’s currently just watching TV, her DD will be better off than if she doesn’t. Maybe OP can’t do anything about it, some people are in very difficult circumstances and have no flexibility, in which case she’s not being unreasonable. But if she has options, she shouldn’t ignore that feeling - it’s telling her something important.

I left the TV on pretty much all the time. The DCs watched very wholesome fare on PBS (in the US) - Sesame Street, Mr Roger's Neighborhood, etc.

It did them no harm whatsoever. The only things that matter when it comes to screens is whether it's actually a TV they're watching or a hand held screen, and the content they're watching. You need to be very choosy about what your DCs are watching. Slow TV has a lot to offer. Fast paced, adversarial programming does not (Paw Patrol, etc).

Maybe read the actual research and note all the caveats.

There is an enormous difference between quality TV programming for children and dreck that is designed to attract children to the merchandise the developers are flogging.

The actual research does not suggest that more than an hour a day of high quality TV is positive for toddlers.

A 2-year-old should really have no more than an hour of screen time per day. Even that much is a lot TBH.

If you turn it into forbidden fruit you will end up with a problem on your hands.

The research points to moderation - small and gross motor activities, social activities, reading, art, music, etc and TV as part of a balanced diet of stimulation for toddlers. It also recommends watching TV with the child, chatting about what they're watching.

Quite honestly, it's a counsel of perfection, and as such, yet another rod for mothers to beat themselves - and each other - with.

There are a lot more factors at play than just time spent watching a screen. Is the main caregiver attentive and does he or she chat and sing with the child for hours every day? Is the child well cared for in the physical sense? Does the child have a predictable routine? Does the caregiver read to the child?

Way to much tv why is she not playing with a basket of toys or something..our twins are 2 and similar to you they wake around 6:30 so yes I scoop them up so they don't wake all the other kids and will pop cartoons on while house warms up, I wake up but once everyone starts getting up around 8-8:30 that's the tv off for the day. They will play with there basket of toys for ages and love there big bricks, will wrap them up and they go outside for a while twice a day sometimes more, they don't like colouring books but love love sticker books and can spend a good 2 hours or more doing stickers..after tea they watch cbeebies for half an hour it's classed as a treat if they behave they get to watch it and then baths supper and bed..oh and ours stopped day naps a while ago but sleep all night so it doesn't bother me

Don’t fret it. I’m quite relaxed about this sort of thing. Sometimes we all just need to get through the day in whatever way we can. That includes you! Years of accumulative sleep deprivation is a killer. There is nothing wrong in sticking CBeebies on at 6am for a gentle start whilst you have coffee, wake up and sort everyone out. neither is there anything wrong with breaking up the day with bursts of tv. Just turn it off when you’re ready to do something else. Also, she’s 2.5. Colouring and reading are great but they’re not going to hold her attention for long.That’s normal at that age. Can she access her toys and activities independently? Mine loved playdoh, painting and Duplo at the age, or having a bath with bath toys, helping with the hoovering etc. we’d also go out every day for a quick job, like post a letter/get a pint of milk. Even if we didn’t really need to. Breaks the day up and potential for a nap in the pushchair or car.

Sounds like you’re doing a great job. Some days it’s easier to get out and about than others, for whatever reason. If she’s able to manage the tv going off without becoming dysregulated then I’d say it’s not a problem. Before long she’ll be at nursery/school and a new phase will begin with a new problem to overcome!!

Don't beat yourself up. We do what we have to do. I assume she is watching appropriate stuff.
It is worth remembering that joining you in the housework is play to her. Sort the washing, do some sweeping, polish and dust, cook, count the carrots .... the world is her playground and toys need not be the focus of her play.
She will have a short attention span ... that is normal.
So ... bursts of sharing what you are doing, bursts of TV, bursts of playing with toys, periods outside, going shopping.
Engaging her when she is watching TV ... sit with her and talk about what is happening.
Rather than have TV as always something she watches while you get on with other things it can be a joint activity as well.
There will be times when plonking her in front of TV while you do something else is just fine ... we've all done it and it is not inherently a bad thing. But please remember that she is not just there to be entertained while you do other stuff ... that stuff could be hers too!

I’m sure she will grow up 100% fine, she is in a loving, stable home with lots of activities and interaction.

The only thing that I would be strict on is no screens when eating lunch. But I am a bit obsessive about building good food habits from an early age.

Yes, I know what’s she’s asking and my thoughts are that she should stop stressing.

Social media and forums like this are excellent at making people feel totally shit about themselves - that’s why she feels guilty, not because she’s necessarily doing something wrong.

I don't think screens are inherently bad themselves, I think it's about what children are missing if they're on screens all day. So if children are not looking up and chatting at communal eating times, if they're not talking to adults, if they're not engaging in a wide variety of play, if they're not socialising with friends, if they're not being read to, if they're not going outside, if they're not sleeping enough all because they're stuck with a screen, that is going to damage their development (over a long period).

How much of all the above is your toddler getting?

Her feelings are relatively accurate, though. She isn’t anxious over something that isn’t an issue. Her DD isn’t getting the sort of input she ought to be.

According to who, you? A stranger on the internet?

Lesson 1000000 on why never to ask MN an AIBU about your own parenting 😂 This forum has done a lot to stress me out and make me feel shit over the years. You're fine OP, don't stress.
May I just note, I was brought up in a home with no TV, and didn't have any screen time until my parents caved and bought a PC when I was around 10. I am an addict and have struggled a lot in life, despite zero tv. Go figure

Exactly. Posting on here is a great way to make yourself feel absolutely shit about the most mundane, everyday parenting events.

I used to be a social worker. Whenever I was beating myself up over my own parenting I would think about the really bad parenting I saw and get things into proportion.
I am sure your child is loved and that, like all of us, you are giving parenting your best shot. It does not always meet Mumsnet ideals, nor the consumer driven media strictures... but love is the most important thing.
You need to make your own judgements as you know your child best.
I once remember locking my children in the (entirely child proof) garden for a while as I felt my sanity was beginning to slip! I am sure Mumsnet would have disapproved!

Like all things that become obsessive ways to beat parents with this is the latest fad! It sounds like you are doing lots of other nice stimulating things with your child outside of this time.

In my family in the 80s we grew up watching at least this much TV -lots of VHS on repeat and yet we’re all now high functioning professionals. My three children were frequently babysat by the TV whilst we coped with busy lives and they’re all doing A levels and about to head off to uni.

Too much screen time when it correlates with neglect is associated with poor outcomes for children but of itself is not going to do harm to your child.

Balance is all op !!
Just keep doing the other things add some more short creative bursts in ...

My DD watched too much but we did tons of other stuff way more than others around me and she's got amazing a levels the highest you can get etc.

At the very least, eat lunch with her away from the TV

Why?
One of our family treats was a meal in front of a favourite TV programme.
Different families do things differently ... their own way ....

You're fine OP. The TV is on pretty much all the time in our house, has been since they were tiny. All mine are A-OK, no emotional slugs or poor development over here.

I guarantee you most of those piously harping on about TV will be giving their kids smartphones at 10. Don't worry about it.

Google AI overview:

Kids eating in front of screens leads to distracted, mindless eating, increasing obesity risk by ignoring fullness cues, promoting poor food choices (sugary/fatty foods), harming digestion by reducing chewing, and hindering learning social/sensory aspects of food, creating lifelong unhealthy habits. Experts recommend screen-free meals for better self-regulation, improved diet quality, and family connection, suggesting replacing screens with face-to-face interaction to develop healthy eating behaviors.

Pizza in front of the tv on a Saturday night isn’t a problem, but I wouldn’t do it daily.