To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

[wetwinter]

Toddler (2 and a half) is watching too much TV. I know this.

She generally wakes at around 6, and I go downstairs with her so she doesn’t wake anyone else up. And the TV does go on then. It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.

Then I make breakfast and get everyone dressed and out on the school run for older sibling. We then generally do an activity in the morning; a playgroup or swimming. We do get outside if the weather is OK. Then home for lunch. It’s then things get a bit tricky. She has dropped her nap and attempts to encourage ‘quiet time’ haven’t been very successful; she just cries / gets upset in her cot. So she watched TV during and after lunch.

Then after I’ve picked her sister up from school they play for a bit but then at around 4, she’s getting very, very tired and her sister is also wanting to chill out and watch some TV, so on it goes again

I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development. It wasn’t too bad when she slept a bit later in the morning and was still napping; it was just a little bit in the morning and then evening. Now though it feels like it’s really creeping up but with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.

I know there are activities like reading, colouring which we do do but they don’t hold her attention for long at all.

I am wondering whether to just accept it’s winter; the screen time will go up and go down to sensible levels again as the weather improves or to make more of an effort!

Give yourself a break op!

I have a no tv before school rule cus I find that he behaviour of 4 year old and trying to get out the house awful when tv been on

but I let the baby watch a bit of it’s very early wake and he watches a little bit sometimes after lunch before nap if I’m home with him alone so I can quickly get tidied up / make my own lunch

we have the tv on then after school from around 4 - 6 sometimes and i don’t care tbh the kids get some downtime and can get dinner ready!

4 year old at after school club anyway 3 days so is only happening two days I guess

weekends we are out all day as much as possible so I don’t care about a bit of tv and don’t think it’s a big problem

I think the iPad is much worse - but no issues with the main tv being on

I’m of the “it’s fine “ cohort. My 2 are in their mid/late 20’s. Sometimes I realised the same Ceebeebies programme was on for the 2nd (3rd) time. They were on a loop back then. But they also played out a lot, did loads of activities etc.

Don’t be so hard on yourself OP. My 2 are superb, successful people. Did them no harm. Too many parents these days are too critical of themselves and others. Your kids have a loving home, and your posts show the variety of activities you do. You’re doing fine.

You’re fine OP. I have a 2.5 year old too who has mostly dropped her nap but she will also zone out in front of the tv for a couple of hours and it’s just because she’s tired (but not enough to nap). I’ve found my 4 year old to have mostly lost interest in the tv now so I do think it’s an age/dropping their nap thing.

Mine are hideous 5am risers so CBeebies is on most mornings while I down a coffee but I do turn it off when it’s time for breakfast and then we get ready for preschool. It’s usually on in the evenings too but I constantly go back and forth with guilt and will make huge efforts with crafts and enthusiastic engagement some days and others where I just can’t be bothered so back to CBeebies - but tbh in the evenings they don’t sit to watch it, it’s just on while they play.

Definitely knock it on the head while eating but otherwise I wouldn't worry.

It’s fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ When my youngest was 2, it was lockdown. I was working plus home schooling a 7 year old. My 2 year old literally watched tv like it was a full time job, 8-6 every weekday. I had no choice.

He is a perfectly developmentally normal, articulate 7 year old now who is particularly gifted at maths. He has otherwise had a life filled with lots of socialising and time outside and is not particularly obsessed with tv now. He often gets up before the rest of us and just builds Lego instead of turning on the tv.

Anecdotal but if it can make you feel better:
I was a sahm to my boys and had very strict rules about screen time when they were young. My neighbour let her son grow up infront of their tv. He's extremely intelligent and social. My dh and myself were all smug about how we didn't give much screen time telling ourselves that the neighbour's poor kid would have some major development problems while ours would be thriving with all books read to them and board games played.

😂 My neighbour's son is thriving (and I'm very happy for him).

I've got a 3 year old and my TV gets put on when he's up at 5am. It stays on all day if we don't get out. I guess luckily for me my little one isn't one to sit and watch stuff for ages. He prefers his toys and might look up if he hears something interesting. And he never whinges for it either. I think when there's too strict a routine it makes them want it more. Our TV was always on when we were kids as we're all of my friends and we all turned out fine

Don’t stress about it.

one thing I did when mine were small, as others have said, is put live CBeebies on.

Inevitability something boring would come on and mine would wander off to play.

easier to stay watching if you get to select every episode. It’s called a Netflix binge for a reason.

mine are teenagers now and are doing well in school, well adjusted, despite too much tv.

I think as long as you are fitting in getting out of the house (when you can in this rain) and playing with them a little each day, relax.

Oh, I also used to put colouring pages on the coffee table, between mine and the tv: they often used to start colouring whilst half watching.

OP mine grew up on the Night Garden, Wonder Pets etc (maybe before your time)

Now at a RG Uni studying medicine.

We do what we have to do in the trenches

I like you

Did nobody else grow up in a house where the TV was permanently on and turn out ok? 😂

It depends on what they’re watching to a certain extent- mine had a lot of screen time but it was vaguely educational (Numberblocks, which helped their maths, Mr Tumble, which helped my SEN son learn Makaton, Alphablocks, etc). If it’s hours of mindless Netflix nonsense, I’d have more of a problem with it.
It’s harder in the winter months if you don’t have a golden child that will sit nicely and read, bake, colour, whatever (mine wouldn’t!) so as long as there’s a mix of going out and about, then chilling at home, I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much

@LittleMonsterWrangler i do try to make sure it’s reasonable quality.

She likes Frozen and Moana. Probably not brilliant to be watching whole films at this age I agree. As someone said above I think it is linked to tiredness / nap. She also really likes sitting on my knee so I think it’s partly cuddle time.

She also likes Paddington which isn’t too bad, and Hey Duggee, and she likes the Magic Light productions of some of the Julia Donaldson books like Zog and Gruffalo. So on the whole it isn’t terrible.

OP

Go easy on yourself

Life is already hard enough for us all

Everything in moderation

Sounds like you are doing great

I have friends who refuse a tv in their home
Utter madness

I think they are OTT

I think a lot depends on what they're watching and the context they're watching it in.

• Well made, educational stuff (i.e. CBeebies) is far better than YouTube or Netflix dross

• I've recently converted to putting on the channel rather than binge watching particular things and find it's much better - there are natural breaks where it's something they're not as interested in, and it generally seems a healthier way to consume content

• watching with another person (parent or sibling) is a lot better than watching alone

• putting the subtitles on is a great way to start working on early reading skills without them even knowing

Obviously it all varies child to child but mine watch a similar amount of TV and seem to be doing just fine socially, emotionally and educationally.p

You literally said the other things you do with her don't hold her attention. There's plenty of evidence and research into children in recent years who have increasing access screens and the problems they have paying attention and focusing as they get older.

The thing that stood out about your OP was how many times you basically said (in different words) that you can't really be arsed.

🙄

I am pretty sure that’s just your reading of it.

She’s two; of course not many things will
hold her attention for long.

This all sounds absolutely fine - the research broadly shows that it’s about what they watch rather than how much. Watching a long film like Frozen or Moana and following an entire storyline is actually much better for them than 15 episodes of a short show with no plot. The really terrible stuff is Cocomelon and short videos on YouTube, especially when watched on an iPad or phone where they can scroll or autoplay mindlessly. Watching good quality programmes and films like the ones you list above are not going to do her any damage, especially if you watch them with her and talk to her about the plot. At that age my son watched a lot of Julia Donaldsons and educational shows like Andy’s Dinosaur Adventures.

From your other comments it sounds like she’s doing absolutely fine, so just trust your gut. You only need to change things if you think it’s having a negative impact on her behaviour. Other than that the only mistake you’ve made is hoping for solidarity from Mumsnet!

Her child is 2 - of course most things don't hold her attention!

6am isn’t early really, if you’re going to bed at a reasonable time. I get up at this time pretty much every day, in bed no later than 10.30 and feel fine.

I realised my DS was watching too much when his attention span was just shot during most other activities, he has SEN so I felt it particularly pertinent to fix it. Now in the morning I let him make a big mess with the lego if that’s what he wants to do, or we read, or he draws or plays with his cars. After school we do any homework (he’s 5), read his school book, do a dot to dot or colouring sheet, play with Lego again. He also helps me chop veggies for tea or bake dessert. Barely watches TV now.

I suggest cutting down, find other things to do. Make a mess and be a bit wild.

Yeah, probably.

It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.
things get a bit tricky.
attempts to encourage ‘quiet time haven’t been very successful.
getting very, very tired ... wanting to chill out and
impeding her development
with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.
they don’t hold her attention for long at all.
I am wondering whether ... to make more of an effort!

Yes, I still think that’s just your reading of things, I am afraid.

Oh just ignore that poster. They seem to have a nasty streak. If you think your toddler has too much TV time maybe try to cut some gradually. No TV at meal times and stop putting it on the mornings. A bit of wind down time later on watching the Gruffalo is fine!

Im from a different time as my DC are now 17 and 15 . We had CBeebies on as background noise and they would just play in front of it - toys all over the place . I also used drawing to distract - always had a pad of cheap a4 paper and colouring stuff on the kitchen table . Also we got the max permitted kids books out the library every week . I took them out pretty much every morning though and read to them each evening . My DCs development is not stunted at all - the eldest is at Grammar School doing 4 Alevels and an EPQ and the younger one is hopefully going to pass all his GCSEs if I haven’t just jinxed it . There is some great stuff on some of the free view channels too as they get older - can’t remember the name but my eldest used to watch an engineering programme religiously

This.