To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

[wetwinter]

Toddler (2 and a half) is watching too much TV. I know this.

She generally wakes at around 6, and I go downstairs with her so she doesn’t wake anyone else up. And the TV does go on then. It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.

Then I make breakfast and get everyone dressed and out on the school run for older sibling. We then generally do an activity in the morning; a playgroup or swimming. We do get outside if the weather is OK. Then home for lunch. It’s then things get a bit tricky. She has dropped her nap and attempts to encourage ‘quiet time’ haven’t been very successful; she just cries / gets upset in her cot. So she watched TV during and after lunch.

Then after I’ve picked her sister up from school they play for a bit but then at around 4, she’s getting very, very tired and her sister is also wanting to chill out and watch some TV, so on it goes again

I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development. It wasn’t too bad when she slept a bit later in the morning and was still napping; it was just a little bit in the morning and then evening. Now though it feels like it’s really creeping up but with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.

I know there are activities like reading, colouring which we do do but they don’t hold her attention for long at all.

I am wondering whether to just accept it’s winter; the screen time will go up and go down to sensible levels again as the weather improves or to make more of an effort!

I think the thing that stood out to me is that she’s watching TV during lunch as well as after. As well as this being a lot of TV overall that’s a pretty bad precedent at that age.

I would suggest

• have 1 or max 2 TVs in the house and not in the kitchen;
• when the TV does go on it’s CBeebies unless it’s a film night;
• Think of other quiet activities during nap time, if you have to use TV first thing and last thing then do but don’t put it on during the day;
• Can you take her for a walk after lunch- would she nap in the pushchair/ pram? Mine were much more inclined to nap on the move than at home in a cot when a bit older;
• Get your toddler doing stuff with you. I hated playing at that age but what we did well was do jobs together like cooking (and by that I mean cooking dinner not cakes etc), going to the shops, house stuff like sorting washing, changing beds etc. Or if I was tidying I would bring something with me and she’d play where I was. I think not everything has to be playtime, we quite often did adult jobs together.
• Have a think about some more self directed toys like duplo, jenga, magnatiles, puzzles, hot wheels etc for Christmas. Stuff she doesn’t need you to help with all the time. Does she have a play kitchen with some interesting stuff (light up kettle and toaster)?

I'd say "during lunch" would be my main concern. She needs to learn to listen to her body and concentrate on eating, it's proven that watching TV whilst eating is bad for adults and kids.

It is too much. But I say that with compassion as ive been there myself
Why not work on reducing some of it slowly.

She will.get better at playing if she understands the routine that eg tv is for after school.

With my son he also was never keen on indoor play so I took him out a lot more often.. always twice in a day with some rest at home middle of the day

Lets be honest that is several.hours a day and it isn't good for ability to play or self regulate

I agree that first of all stop screens during meals. Let her have a planned session of it while you make lunch ir after so you get a break. But sit together for lunch.

I also think kids need exercise after school..could you start some walks in the evening ..mine used to like a little walk about in th4 dark looking at Christmas decorations on people's houses

How is she doing generally?

I think if she's talking, walking, happy in herself, sociable and well behaved, your attitude to screen time can be a bit more relaxed than if she's developmentally delayed and showing signs of emotional dysregulation.

Personally, I'd switch it off during meal times, and maybe try some other activities in the afternoon

At that age, I'd just set up a few stations around the room- put some colouring out on a table, bit of Duplo on the floor, PlayDoh on the tuff tray, that sort of thing. Maybe I'd put some songs on the TV (she loved Super Simple Songs) and she'd occasionally look at it but generally she'd just rotate around the room doing different things.

4pm when she's tired is a perfect time to read a few stories with her.

Unplug the TV during the day and if she tries to turn it on, it won't work. So no TV!

Then do something else. She's two. She'll be happy putting blocks into Tupperware

She’s bright, clever, alert, smiley, enjoys books, can recite favourite ones in their entirety, knows all the nursery rhymes, colours, body parts, shapes.

She’s great really

I’m fairly relaxed about TV (with a young child, not an adult child). We work and my child is at nursery and everyone needs some downtime. They get loads of stimulation and development at nursery. We read every single night. They have books all over the house and can (and do) ask for a story at any other point if we’re home. We have books that we take out with us and we will read in restaurants etc. We have tonnes of games, puzzles, craft things. But we use TV as downtime and I know people are going to @ me for that but I don’t really understand as loads of adults use TV as downtime. Ideally, we demonstrate to kids a wide variety of things that they can do to help them rest and that they need different things at different times.

We share the TV, it can’t just be kids shows. There are certain shows that I notice behaviour goes down and so they are banned (and DC know why they are banned). There are also shows like Paw Patrol that are sometimes fine but sometimes not fine and if a show is becoming not fine, we temporarily don’t let them watch it and watch something that is low stimulation. We talk about this behaviour being a sign that they need a break from that (but we talk about this when they are also struggling with a toy that isn’t doing what they want or that certain behaviour indicates they are tired or full).

My child loves book, puzzles and games. They’re good at independent play. They enjoy learning about all sorts of things. They are generally quite good. If their behaviour was being affected by TV, I would (and do) adjust how much time they have but I don’t keep track and I don’t set limits. I recognise that some days need more TV (if we’ve all been busy or we’re ill or the weather is rubbish) and I adjust accordingly. I don’t always get it right (Paw Patrol sometimes being too much) but I know the signs I don’t want to see and look for those.

Do you feel bad because you feel she shouldn’t watch TV and you should be entertaining her or because her behaviour is worrying?

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and it will not 'impede' your child's development.

My children are 19 and 21 now and we had a similar routine during the winter months when they were little.

I am 55 and grew up with very similar amount of time in front of the TV during winter.

My children were taken to toddler groups, activities, they both played football and did Scouts from 4-16 years of age, did loads of activities with us parents, were taken on lots of days out and holidays, summer months spent tons of time outdoors.

It's the toddler groups, hobbies, activities and swimming etc. that are really so, so important. Keep those up as your child grows up because they are really important in building a well rounded adult with hobbies and interests to pursue.

I don’t know, OP. The older and further I get into this parenting lark, the more I wonder if it actually matters that much if you have a certain ‘type’ of child. Some kids can’t handle screen time, their behaviour dips, they stop enjoying other stuff, it becomes a negative thing in life. But other kids just aren’t that affected by screen time, their behaviour is fine, they are bright and able, enjoy other activities when they do them. I think it’s just a bit of a crapshoot really.

I look at my two who probably do have more screen time than ideal, my eldest loves to game too (we are a gaming family) and I just think that we get glowing reports from school, they are smart, polite, socially very confident and adept, emotionally well balanced, so in the end I’m not sure I can bring myself to care that much unless that changes.

I really wouldn't stress too much. The weather is shit at the moment - it's totally fine to rely on TV to pass the time

Well done sensible response. Lots of kids tv is both stimulating and educational. It’s cold wet and miserable at the moment. They won’t watch as much when the weather improves. Ignore the negate feedback. You’re doing your best and your kids will not suffer.

@SparkleSpriteDust the TV 20 and 30 years ago was different.

Firstly, it wasn't on demand so your kids were sometimes watching an episode half way only and lose interest.

Secondly, the shows now are purposely created to be addictive and keep kids watching.

Thirdly, it was a smaller TV further away. Not a tablet in their face or a giant bright thing most people have these days.

Fourth, your kids went to school and had no screens for 8 hours a day except for the very odd lesson. Most schools in England now use tablets all day long from primary school and homework often has to be done on tablets too. Even many nurseries show 30 minutes of shows to toddlers. So overall a small child is watching WAY more screens thank your kids did and as a parent you need to be conscious of it.

'So overall a small child is watching WAY more screens thank your kids did and as a parent you need to be conscious of it.'

It's called progress. iPads replaced notepads a long time ago now.

What exactly do you predict is (or will be) the problem in the scenario outlined by the OP?

Because when you are in the thick of it with young children, everything seems so important.

When they grow up, and you’ve had far bigger fish to fry than if they’ve watched too much TV or eaten too much ice cream, you realise how little most of it all matters.

My eldest is 23, my youngest 5 (with one inbetween). there are very few things that actually matter in the grand scheme of things.

(Cue all the posters who say “I’ve got a 30 year old and I still don’t like toddlers watching TV!”)

My kids watched lots of tv as did the kids of my friends. This was the 80s. No harm done

I would ensure she isn’t watching TV whilst actually eating lunch. It encourages mindless eating and a reliance on it for entertainment during meal times.

I speak from experience as I let this creep in for my son watching Netflix on his iPad. I went cold turkey on it and after a few days he doesn’t ask for it at any meal time and instead talks to us - so nice.

I never understood why people get so snotty about screen time. My kids watch TV whilst getting ready for school in the morning, it’s on as background noise almost all day. They watch a couple of hours of cartoons after school and then we watch something as a family at dinner time. They probably have 5/6 hours a day of TV time. They also have tablets and sometimes use my phone if a tablet is dead.

They’re both bright, doing well in school, listen and do what they’re told 90% of the time, you can’t expect a 4 and 7 year old to be perfect.

They read every day, play with toys, play independently and with each other, play outside and do craft activities.

If my children want to sit and watch cartoons for an hour whilst I cook dinner, what’s the issue?

Obviously if TV/screen time is negatively impacting your child’s behaviour then limit it or remove temporarily but that doesn’t mean screen time should be classified as bad for children and any parent that allows it ostracised.

My kids (mid to late twenties now) all watched at least this amount of telly and guess what, they’re all functioning adults. With jobs, university degrees and living fully independent lives. Christ on a bike, being a parent is hard enough. Rather television with suitable programmes than iPads or phones when they can access all sorts of horror.

This, I am more concerned about kids looking at tablets and phones nowadays. Mine watched TV now 20s did not affect them at all. I would say they learnt things from it not like the rubbish that's on tv today. Most of the TV they watched was about learning about things like Barney, tots tv Rosie and Jim, sesame Street.

I have an almost 4 year old who’s up at 5am every single day. I let her have as much TV as she wants. She’s extremely active though and is rarely sat still watching it - she potters about playing and comes in and out of the room. I don’t allow YouTube though as it’s such utter crap on there.
She’s at preschool 5 days a week, and does swimming/gymnastics/football outside of that. We have very busy weekends. I would say definitely cut the screen time a bit if you feel it’s affecting her, however I really don’t think TV time is the demon that it’s made out to be.
Having said that I wouldn’t let my DD have an iPad or play/watch stuff on my phone…I just feel it’s different.

Thanks for the replies. She is at nursery two days a week, with me for the other three. Faintly amused by the cross examination by @565OfftoanIsland ’so which one is it’ as if people with small children working part time isn’t fairly common.

She does swimming, ballet and a weekly playgroup so I’m happy she does a range of activities. Her routine used to be more like - a bit of TV / free play morning, school run, activity, home, lunch, nap, wake up (usually grumpy!) school run, home, play, dinner, a bit of TV and bath and bed. It’s since dropping that midday nap things have got more challenging, and I’m having to think about how to tweak it.

I’d be concerned if I watched TV for six hours in a single day, let alone a toddler.

Get a Yoto!