To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

[wetwinter]

Toddler (2 and a half) is watching too much TV. I know this.

She generally wakes at around 6, and I go downstairs with her so she doesn’t wake anyone else up. And the TV does go on then. It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.

Then I make breakfast and get everyone dressed and out on the school run for older sibling. We then generally do an activity in the morning; a playgroup or swimming. We do get outside if the weather is OK. Then home for lunch. It’s then things get a bit tricky. She has dropped her nap and attempts to encourage ‘quiet time’ haven’t been very successful; she just cries / gets upset in her cot. So she watched TV during and after lunch.

Then after I’ve picked her sister up from school they play for a bit but then at around 4, she’s getting very, very tired and her sister is also wanting to chill out and watch some TV, so on it goes again

I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development. It wasn’t too bad when she slept a bit later in the morning and was still napping; it was just a little bit in the morning and then evening. Now though it feels like it’s really creeping up but with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.

I know there are activities like reading, colouring which we do do but they don’t hold her attention for long at all.

I am wondering whether to just accept it’s winter; the screen time will go up and go down to sensible levels again as the weather improves or to make more of an effort!

I think 'screen time' is too simplistic and there are lots of factors. I think big tv time is very different to holding an iPad and watching YouTube kids. I also think it really depends what they are watching on the tv. You cam be selective with what they're watching and opt for lower stimulus shows.

I currently have a just turned 3yo and a 4 month old. I've recently started making a 'morning basket' each evenings for her, I leave it on the dining table before I go to bed and she now goes straight to it in the morning. I made a huge list of ideas for things to put in there so at the end of the day it just takes 2 mins to put together. Usually a book (lime a lift the flaps or 100 words book), paper and something to make marks with (I mix it up, crayons, paint pens etc) and something like a puzzle or blocks, or just a random toy she hasn't played with for a while. However I will say, I tried this at 2.5 and it didn't hold her attention. But I'd say try it and keep offering, it's hard when you're busy so try after school or weekends but if you start it together she could make the move to being independent.

However, after a while she does ask to watch tv. So we have a little tv time in the morning, and we have it as quiet/rest time instead of nap, and a little in the evening. We've very selective about what she watches. On youtube you can find shows like little bear or moon and me.

Some people will think it's too much. I try to look at the whole picture. We do a lot of really engaging activities with her, a variety of things, and we always monitor how it's impacting her behaviour and adjust accordingly. So there's no hard and fast rule, but do make sure the tv works for you so you don't get stuck!

Op she's obviously getting stimulation and meeting peers etc at toddler groups , I think you said you go once a day ?

I wish when mine where younger I had seen all these I tube things on how to entertain toddlers.
Eg someone strapped paper towel tube (ie longer than loo roll ) to their kitchen side and the toddler was spending ages dropping pasta , soft balls and what ever through the different sizes tubes onto bowls at the bottom !

Then I saw this amazing video of what looks like a older Chinese granny with her granddaughter and she has very simple stuff like cushions and she turned that into mini obstacle course game and jumping , and doing this and that and a whole range of simple house items turned into a child wonderland !
I'm sorry my explanation is really bad ! But hopefully you get the idea
I remeber seeing it wishing i had that info my when my two were young !
Very creative and free and yet stimulating ,physically working on fine and large motee skills ...and this and that
So maybe loll up stuff like that

We have the TV on in the background all day. Always have. Absolutely no issues.

Honestly, my daughter watched quite a lot of telly when she was young. She's now 18, just passed her driving test, doing really well at A Levels, offers from great unis, plenty friends etc. It'll be fine. Just try to limit the amount as much as you can but don't beat yourself up about it - she'll be fine. I'm sure that you read and play with her too (I did all those things too but mine just never slept until evening and the days were very long so I did let her watch a bit of Cbeebies fairly frequently).

Set boundaries that you can stick to.
No TV during meal times.
No TV in the morning - you want to break that habit now as it's terrible for them before school.
Books, tonie box, toys, dolls, colouring. Just anyhting other than TV in the mornings

Are you ill, pregnant, disabled? If not then I think that's an awful amount of screentime for a 2yo. Most recent study showed how bad tv is for children. 2yo are recommended no screentime. Yours has it on for what, 25% of her awake hours?!

Yes she'll be fine, it won't kill her. But the most recent study on 5000 Canadian children showed links in lower maths and writing results. Why would you want to hamper her, even if it's only by 5 or 10 or 15 or 20%. There's really only a tiny difference between being fine and extraordinary.

You've asked the question so no need to be so defensive with your replies either.

Hobbycraft and The Range have tons of reduced price Christmas craft stuff at the moment. Some of it is so lovely that i might buy myself some😍 I got my nephew a large cardboard gingerbread house one year to colour in/paint and play inside and that was a big hit - from Hobbycraft they also sell igloo ones i think. or an actual assemble a gingerbread house kit etc. Always popular. I would say maybe don't let your young DD eat lunch whilst watching TV or staring at a screen or you may end up with a child who won't eat nicely without watching a screen. My nephew (9) is now a bit like this. Always got a screen propped up at the table when he's eating etc. I think 6 am is a bit early for full-on playing with a young child personally so nothing wrong with some cbeebies then just for a bit if she's always up early. Maybe age appropriate story CDs would be nice too? Roald Dahl stories or The Magic Faraway Tree or whatever 🌳 I find classical music on low is really relaxing too esp at the crack of dawn. I bet she'd like some matching pairs card games too. I didn't mind sitting doing those 1st thing when mine were young plus you could get a range of ones - more educational ones if you wanted to mix it up,make it a bit more interesting. I've seen flags of the world ones (my DS was amazing at knowing his capital cities/countries when he was v young, he loved memorising them). Good luck OP. I know it's much harder these days to keep kids away from screens esp at this time of year.

It's fine. Cut yourself some slack. TV isn't the work of the Devil - there's lots of high quality, educational, entertaining stuff on there. My DD had loads of screen time - because I believe that watching well-made films is a good pastime for children, as long as there is also plenty of socialising and other activities in their lives. DD is now a highly qualified doctor - perhaps not because of screen time, but I am convinced that it was an important part of her education.

We'll have it on half an hour or so in the morning while I'm getting breakfast and organising clothes, mine are 4 and almost 8. Eldest is allowed his switch then too.

After school we generally do something. Park or trampolining or today we what an appt and went to Asda after then came home and they had a couple of hours because everyone was a bit fraught from the appointment and car journey.

Neither of mine are screen zombie type kids though. They watch something while chatting or playing a game with each other at the same time. Little one especially likes to snuggle on my knee and is happy to do that without TV and just chat or play.

I wouldn't beat yourself up butaybe set some specific boundaries? My eldest is ADHD and sometimes will start his day at 4am so has a no screens before 6am rule. That however is because if I start my day at 4 I need an hour's sleep before getting ready for work so I'll sleep 6-7 and honestly it's survival at that point.

At 2 though they both had very limited screens access, eldest it was a bit of tablet cartoon time to get him from a to b in his buggy as he hated it. He wasn't fussed on TV at home and wanted to be active most of the time. Youngest at 2 ot was whatever she saw that eldest was watching, she did like Disney nursery rhymes

When my DD dropped her nap I found the best time to be outside was during the time she’d normally nap. Could change up your day and instead of going out in the morning have that be home play time, then go out right after lunch. I think kids play better in the mornings so make the most of that.

I think it’s important what you are doing while she’s watching tv. If you’re sitting scrolling your phone then yeah, not good. If you’re doing screen free activities (not just chores, could also be having a coffee while staring into space) then you’re modeling that ability to not be totally transfixed by passive media.

I also think there’s some great kids tv on YouTube and streaming, often better than cbeebies, especially short films, like the snowman, mogs Christmas, the Julia Donaldson stories. You can also find these in French and Spanish if you want to expose her to other languages. We have the books of these too which we read at night and often take out. She absolutely loves reading and role playing the stories with teddies, inventing new stories and songs with the characters. Mine (3) probably watches 2 hours a day (15 minutes in morning before nursery, up to an hour and a half in the evening. We do eat in front of the telly, but I always did as a kid and find it more relaxing. It’s a chance to do an activity together as a family but with less pressure, and we learn the nursery songs etc. with her that we wouldn’t have done in the adult world, so often sing them together too and dance around the kitchen.

Also mine has never liked playing by herself - she’s just kind of a clingy kid - so tv is the only way we get a break from playing or get to have a conversation as a couple.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s a massive issue if like you say it’s just a break for you during a difficult few months.

I always felt that it wasn't so much that screen time was in itself damaging, more that it took away from time doing more positive things. So as long as I felt there were plenty of positive activities going on I didn't worry too much aabout the TV being on. My children certainly are not intellectually backward (I can say with confidence since two are now adullts).

Also, not all screen time is equal. I believe some of the more dramatic claims are made based on research where children were watching rubbish/inappropriate stuff. A lot of the things on CBeebies was (I haven't watched it in years but I assume still is) very educational. My eldest was into arty crafty stuff and was often inspired to try and make things after seeing it on TV. My middle one learnt numbers from Numberjacks and letters from watching Alphablocks and started to read before starting school without me ever sitting them down specifically to teach them. My youngest loved Octonaughts and learnt all sorts from that.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

I don’t think mine really watched TV until around 5 years old. They used to run everywhere and were into everything. But I’m a bit older with teens so notice the whole screen time now appears to have really gone earlier and earlier. I see so many tiny children on phones whilst parents are sat watching kids at activities in the evenings agh!

There were always too many other fun things to do than TV. We did playgroups and music groups and gyms and a swimming in the morning. Then if you are at home in afternoon why don’t you do more things with her? I know you do a morning activity but there are crafts, crayons, chalks, painting, baking, sensory play, big jigsaws, flicking through picture books, play houses with cups and saucers and teapots, dressing up, helping with chores, God so many things. Why TV? What is wrong with spending more time with her.
What about a day or half day in nursery
What on earth is a Tonie? I remember 2.5 was quite hard work but you do have to persevere. Maybe she has no concentration for the activities because 6/8 hours of TV a day hasn’t built the skills needed to focus for any length of time! TV is an entirely passive activity being fed to her- so she doesn’t get to use her imagine, be creative, solve simple problems, get frustrated and work something out. All important developmental skills needed for child development. Not to mention the sedentary nature. Come on!!

OP you honestly shouldn't give yourself a hard time - as long as she's watching something broadly educational, don't worry about it. It's not like you aren't giving them enriching activities to do at all.

I hated early mornings and 6am or before is early, I don't care what anyone says. I was relaxed about the TV, and the kids played with toys, crafts etc. but did watch TV when I needed a break. My kids are really intelligent, love reading, are funny and know so many facts, it doesn't seem to have adversely impacted them.

Lots of parents of current babies and toddlers will be on here chastising you, and when mine were young I would be crying about the judgement, however hindsight is that you do your best - TV is on for a few broken hours, who cares. As long as they arent watching horror, gore and other I appropriate stuff then no harm will come to them.

You're doing great.

The good thing about the established TV habit is you can use it as an incentive. Tidy up and we can watch TV, no TV until teddies back in the box, no TV until you eat lunch etc.

While I agree it's not ideal, TV in a common room is so much better than an IPad or phone at that age. I work with young children and many of them talk of waking to run into mummy's bed and watch things on her phone while she sleeps on or starts getting ready.

If you’re ok with permanently damaging her brain wiring.

No one is forced to have children. If you choose to, don’t take the lazy way out. We all end up paying for that.

if she’s bored, get off your phone and talk with her.

This,

“can’t be arsed” is no excuse. Organize your day better. You chose to take on the responsibility; live up to it.

If you don’t want to spend time with her doing things put her in a nursery where they will and go out to work instead.

Kids that age can be exhausting and sometimes a bit mind numbing, but they need interaction, not screens.

Wow so much hostility and totally unhelpful comments. OP ignore. You’re doing fine and are obviously a brilliant and caring parent. None of this will do any harm and some kids TV is very educational (baby shark phonics). Come better weather it will naturally reduce. We are all watching more TV in this rubbish weather.

Were up at 5am, I stick telly on so I can have a coffee and come around before work...I generally put a documentary or news on..they very quickly go to play with their toys 😅 tbf in mornings though as we are out the door early its not for long.

If im happy for them to watch a bit of telly at the weekend. I usually use less stimulating shows. (Cebeebies daydreams, some older kids shows its not as bright and loud in imagery) or nursery rhymes on YouTube to join in the movements with them, (its actually surprising how getting my body moving with it actually decompressed me 😂 )
My daughter is really sensitive and had a phase of non stop meltdowns, so had to turn everything down, even the level of our lighting, it had like a rebound effect where at the time you thought it distracted her, but it just brew to a bigger meltdown later.

So I guess my tip is, want to get them away from telly and playing without them thinking you've banned telly..put on a channel they dont want or get bored quickly with. Maybe location location location 😂

The kid is 2 - they are not known for their long attention spans. Just sayin'

I'm a teacher and honestly, i hate to admit that the smartest kids i have met watch far too much TV - but they are watching educational shows, and it really shows.

I’m posting from a slightly different place as I went back to work full time at 4 months so I was never really a SAHM but I also have had the long days during the month of August for example when my childminder was off. My answer was to plan an outing in the morning and the afternoon. The outing could be going to the shops or the park, anything that got us out of the house. What with getting ready before and then the time it takes to sort everything out when you get back I found it could easily take a couple of hours out of my morning. Then in the afternoon we would do another activity, something like the library, or another playground or I had an annual pass to the local aquarium. And that would take up another large chunk of the day. Then all I needed to fill was the time in and around that and that was things like colouring, blocks, imaginary play, reading. I did often put children’s stories on my phone for her to listen to (not watch) when I needed some time out.

I will admit that it was not always easy and the days could sometimes drag but we never did any tv before two and even now at 5 she only gets limited screen time in the evening.

It’s definitely not easy though but going out saved my sanity to be honest.

That works well in August. It’s harder in December, especially when I have to be back for quarter past three

I would suggest a Yoto, that's really helped us. My little girl has listened from about the age of two, we didn't let her control it herself and it's not a toy the way a Tonie is. But we noticed a dramatic difference in screen time usage once we introduced it. I actually wouldn't be beating yourself up about too much TV as long as you're also getting out and doing lots of activities etc, children need downtime too xx