Would you be put off a nursery if it employed a man?

[Eaglesfortea]

I’d like to think I’m open minded and not sexist, but I would be put off… I have no issue with male primary school teachers or sports club leaders, but I wouldn’t want an unrelated man changing DD’s nappy.

YABU - men working in nurseries wouldn’t bother me at all
YANBU - I’d be put off too

Yes. Logically I know that it’s unfair and that there are plenty of decent men who want to work in early years childcare for the right reasons. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending my pre-school child somewhere where a man will potentially be providing intimate care for them and my child is unable to express themselves properly verbally yet. I wish I could be more enlightened about it but that’s the way it is.

My son’s key worker was a man and my son loved him. I really liked him too, and didn’t have any issue with it.

This is how I feel too. I can’t think of another example in which I’d discriminate in this way (I have happily had male doctors do smears and other gynae stuff, I have friends who are male teachers). A man providing intimate care of a non-verbal young child just doesn’t sit right with me.

I would be out off by lots of things.
lack of outside space, dirty, crowded indoor space. No defined areas. Lack of structure or community involvement.

I would look at
inspection reports
speak to existing parents
observe how staff interact with children
what the ratios are
what the toilet facilities and arrangements are.

here they want them toilet trained asap. (school nursery)

nappies are done in a room off the main room in clear view of main room.

But a male worker as a factor alone would not put me off.

No - there were male staff at DT’s nursery - they were excellent as was the male reception teacher DD had.

What if they starting employing a man after you started?

I'd expect any nursery to have safeguarding procedures to ensure that abuse cannot happen, by make or female staff.

No.

DS's old key worker is a man and is great. He's now our go to babysitter when Grandparents aren't available.

No. Nappy changing should never be in a private closed area whether the Nn is male or female, that’s basic safeguarding.

I was attracted to a professional nursery rather than childminder due to professional oversight underpinned by policies and a management structure, so that reduces risk for all abuse imo.

i very much see how many men would be passionate about childcare- I think it’s something my DH would’ve liked to do but simply wasn’t an option in his day.

No. All the men in the DCs nursery were great, and the DC loved them.

My son had a male nursery teacher, he was the best one working there and all the kids adored him

yes I’d be put off, but then I would never send a child under 3 to nursery anyway.

Absolutely. YANBU

It wouldn't put me off, but my dcs started nursery when they were nearly 3, so they could talk and were using the toilet independently. I'd be more cautious if I had to send a young baby, as obviously they can't tell you if something has happened and most of them get upset and we just assume it's due to settling. It didn't occur to me to worry about it until more recently as there have been more cases in the media, and thankfully my dcs are older so I don't have to worry about it. My dds went to nurseries without any male staff working in care (they did have men in the office but no direct contact with dcs).

I don’t understand how abuse is happening in nurseries. All the ones I viewed did nappy changes in side rooms with no doors and an open view of the main room. I thought two+ adults had to be present at all times too.

Are there nurseries in which this isn’t the case?

Lucky you.

To be honest, I don't know. My kids had a male nursery teacher who was wonderful. However, I worked in nurseries for about 15 years and the only male nursery worker was from an agency and came in for one day. I remember a four year old girl needed changing and this guy went to change her and this girl physically recoiled and asked me to change her and not him, which I did. Why should she have an unknown, slightly weird male around her when she was in a vulnerable state? Even though she was a 4 year old, she deserved her dignity and privacy.

Anywhere where there is access to children there is the potential for abuse. I chose to send my children alone to the forums where I feel the risk is reduced- high performing nurseries with visable policies and oversight, clubs where they will never be left alone with adults, female changing rooms, not using isolated changing rooms at all etc etc.

nothing is infallible but the fact it’s been caught is positive- I think of all the abuse going on in the 90s- teachers, Scout leaders, church leaders, football coaches etc etc and thank god for checks and policies!

The vast majority of child sex abuse is carried out by men and those men will seek any opportunity for access to victims. It doesn’t mean any man wanting to work in a nursery is a sex offender but for me the risk is too high.

Not a snowballs chance in hell I would use a nursery with a male worker. Paedophiles are almost exclusively male. Not all men are Paedophiles, of course , but Paedophiles are attracted to jobs where they can access vulnerable kids. We have some jobs which are exempt from sex discrimination ( womens refuges) and I think nurseries should be one of these places. If men have a problem then , as a sex class, they need to sort themselves out.

My dc went to nursery that employed a man. I was a bit unsure at first but he has some kind of mild learning disability and I believe he is harmless; he has worked there for 15 years and it’s a stable team (almost zero turnover except when someone gets pregnant!) so I feel they know each other well. Both my kids adored him.

In addition, I'm sure the three men charged and convicted this year were very well thought of by the parents who left their kids in their care. Marvellous role models, great with the kids etc

This is the second post in about as many weeks about male nursery workers 🙄
YABU. Women can and do abuse too. Would you rather we all just stuck to "roles suitable for our sex?" whatever that means women, care, and men hammer dry walls or chop wood or something.
Men are just as capable as looking after children as women and it's incredibly damaging to think that any men who want to look after children must be "dodgy" or something (which was implied and even outright said on the other thread.)
It's also important imo for children to have both male and women role models.

The male practitioner at our nursery is a huge asset. We're in a very deprived area where lots of children don't have a strong positive male role model and many of our children have never seen a man read a book.

I’ve never been in this position and I won’t in the future, so I really don’t know. Parents are in a very hard place already, lots of feelings involved with sending your kids to nursery.

Whilst men are obviously statistically more likely to commit this type of crime, you just never know - but parents haven’t to work, so what can you do?

All you can do is trust your instincts and trust your child.

I don’t know the answer.

There was a male teacher at DD's nursery who was great. He was an ex-primary school teacher winding down to his pension. It was good to have him there, but what made it easier was that he never changed nappies. That was always done by female staff, and the changing area was against the wall of each room, so the actions of the staff members were visible.

I wouldn't be happy with a man changing nappies. The vast majority will be there for the right reasons, but we know that predators deliberately get themselves into positions where they can abuse children, and we also know that 98% of sexual offences are carried out by men. Just by keeping it female-only, you massively reduce the risk. It's a no-brainer.