Would you be put off a nursery if it employed a man?

[Eaglesfortea]

I’d like to think I’m open minded and not sexist, but I would be put off… I have no issue with male primary school teachers or sports club leaders, but I wouldn’t want an unrelated man changing DD’s nappy.

YABU - men working in nurseries wouldn’t bother me at all
YANBU - I’d be put off too

We do need to be alive to risk-factors though, and it's a fact that 98% of sex-offending is carried out by males. That can't be ignored.

I have a friend who employed a male nanny for her 2 boys for this reason(absent father) he was Scandinavian which i think helped as he had a typical scandi attitude to gender roles and worked for them for 10 years.

Before the most recent news I would have viewed it as a real positive but not now - might be unreasonable but that’s how it is

I’m not sure most people have genuinely good instincts about this stuff? I mean how well would they know a male nursery nurse to even judge?

Depends. If the man was a long standing older member of staff and held in high regard by the other parents, I'd feel more comfortable than if he was an unknown quantity in his first job. I'd also want to understand the procedures for intimate care and safeguarding and what sort of contact the man would have with my child and the supervision. In reality this information may be quite difficult to obtain without causing offence, so given a choice of a nursery with no male staff, all other things being equal, I'd choose that one.

The safeguarding of children will be there for all members of staff though, it's not just singled out or more strict based on whether you're male or female.

I agree OP. I know it’s discriminatory but the vast majority of these things it’s the men who are the perpetrators, the same with harassment and sexual violence against women. It’s not to say women are always innocent but there is significantly less than males. I couldn’t give a shit if it offends anyone, I would chose an all female nursery.

I have no problems with male primary teachers or male doctors etc…. But I’d still prefer a female nurse to perform my smear and I’ve had a male practitioner perform an internal scan.

My baby and my choice

From what I’ve seen in our nursery, the longer-standing members of staff are the most likely to bend the rules, be unsupervised, and be trusted to make judgement calls without being challenged, so I don’t think that’d put me at ease.

My kids nursery had a male member of staff - very long standing and had always worked in the pre school room so not involving nappy changes. He was a gem, full of fun and the kids adored him. I was very keen on them seeing a male in a caring role to avoid building up outdated stereotypes of ‘jobs for girls’.

Honestly I wouldn’t have wanted a male working with my children while they were in nappies though. It’s about weighing up risks and sadly a man is statistically orders of magnitude more dangerous in that situation than a woman is. It doesn’t mean all male nursery staff have nefarious intent, it’s about making decisions for vulnerable non verbal babies and toddlers based on facts and statistics.

To be honest, generally speaking I’d expect someone long established to be more likely to be doing the job for nefarious reasons. An 18 year old man I’d expect this is just the career he’s interested in, not abusing the babies.

whilst sped up by the internet, uncovering a sexual interest in children often takes time, and to take the time to be bold enough to access children through the work place is also likely to be someone pretty established in their perversion

I agree and I’d hazard a guess that male NN would be stood down from nappy changes where reasonably possible. This is because as another poster said, it can be pretty widely thought of as inappropriate for au unrelated baby girl to be changed by a man, much like a woman would be offered a female chaperone for intimate medical care.

My DD had a male lead teacher in her 2s room. But he was never alone with the kids, no teacher was due to ratios, and the changing/toilet area was open onto the main class so no issues there. He was great actually, very arty and used to put on some good creative/messy play stuff.

DDs nursery that she attended for after school had a man. He was great. A huge character and the children loved him. It was also in a deprived area and he was a massive asset.
It’s sad and I understand why people are wary. There has to be an answer as they are needed in the profession.
and lots of nurseries are in old buildings where the set up is less than ideal. But yes they should all be on view at all times. Maybe more CCTV needs to be used and it being made clear to staff they are watched all the time.

DDs nursery that she attended for after school had a man. He was great. A huge character and the children loved him. It was also in a deprived area and he was a massive asset.
It’s sad and I understand why people are wary. There has to be an answer as they are needed in the profession.
and lots of nurseries are in old buildings where the set up is less than ideal. But yes they should all be on view at all times. Maybe more CCTV needs to be used and it being made clear to staff they are watched all the time.

DD’s nursery had 4 male staff members and they were all brilliant with the kids and were very much the favourites when it came to playtime. They had a wide range of carers of all ages, sexes, races and disability which was one of the selling points for me. I wanted DD to be part of a diverse community. There were clear safeguarding mechanisms in place, CCTV all over the nursery, regular updates and photos throughout the day, they encouraged parents to visit and spend time there and to be part of the decisions they made.

Well the latest male worker to be convicted was caring for kids up to age 4 so I don’t see your point.

it’s about making decisions for vulnerable non verbal babies and toddlers based on facts and statistics.

This sums it up.

Not at all.
To me there is no difference from a female member of staff cleaning a boy's intimate areas to a male cleaning a girl's.
What is the basis for this argument?
Ridiculous.

I don’t think you could or should have CCTV directly over nappy changing tables though.

DD’s nursery has changing tables in sort of doorless cupboards.

Statistically it is usually a member of the family. Male or female.

Yes I would be put off.

While both mean and women can abuse and make tragic errors of judgement which harm kids, no women will ever be accused of this:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c2k4qd8q97eo

They just send their kids to nursery for the free bit 😂

My kids had male nursery key workers and male reception teachers. They were excellent, and strong male role models. Nursery and school had solid safeguarding procedures (and that's one reason why I wouldn't use a female or male childminder - there's not enough eyes-on or assurance in a private home).

The most dangerous man to your child is one you already know. A male relative or stepfather.

Do you really think all early years care should be done by women? Which other jobs are men's or women's jobs? What about male gynaecologists or GPs?

The opposite, I would prefer it.

Yes, that could be a problem. I'm thinking more in terms of the very serious possibilities and that a man who has worked for many years without incident or accusation is lower risk than someone new in role. Also there is higher chance of a clean DBS check of someone young and newly around children, which doesn't necessarily mean they are not a risk but because they've as yet had no opportunity to become one/get caught.