Would you be put off a nursery if it employed a man?

[Eaglesfortea]

I’d like to think I’m open minded and not sexist, but I would be put off… I have no issue with male primary school teachers or sports club leaders, but I wouldn’t want an unrelated man changing DD’s nappy.

YABU - men working in nurseries wouldn’t bother me at all
YANBU - I’d be put off too

Well, if you care to read the thread you'll discover exactly what the basis of this argument is..... 👆

We had amazing male staff at nursery, I wouldn’t be put off and also I don’t want my son only saying women in the sorts of roles. but there needs to be good supervision of all staff.
There’s plenty of women who can be fucking horrible, it’s not only SA that matters. Look at care work, old people’s homes…if you have worked in one or had someone you care about in one you may well know. this kind of work can attract a certain kind of wanker and everyone needs to be properly supervised

Wouldn’t put me off at all. I’m not deranged enough to view everyone with a penis as a potential sex offender though.

I’ve been thinking about this too, I think I’d feel the same about a man providing intimate care to a non-verbal OAP or disabled person. But I can see why there’d be more men in those roles as physical strength is required.

My children all went to the same nursery where they employed a man in his 30s/early 40s. He was the forest school leader, having introduced it to the setting. He was also the key worker for one of my DSs and was brilliant. I think it helps that he lives in the same village and you see him all the time with his own kids - but I think having a male worker at nursery can have great positives when it’s the right person/setting.

I absolutely can see the benefits of seeing male role models and would have no issue about men working in pre-schools (so 3+) or primary schools. It’s just when the babies and toddlers are too little to speak that it bothers me.

To be honest, I wouldn’t want a male midwife either.

I meant more about asking questions about the man himself. Very difficult to do without being seen to be discriminatory as we all seem to have to pretend that men and women pose the same risk and that there's no need for extra scrutiny of males around young children. I can't imagine it going well if I wanted to single out the male staff member to question length of service or specifically request he was not providing intimate care without a colleague present.

We have send 3 children to nursery. All 3 had male staff. The children adore them.
I think it's great children see male nursery staff, male teachers, male nurses etc.
I am from Scandinavian it's so common in my native country with male trained staff in nurserys and nobody think it's an issue

Nope, our nursery had two male staff members over the years. One was a student so he wasn’t there long. But the other was there several years and he wasn’t fantastic. He’d left by the time my ds got there, but I would have been really happy to have him especially with a boy. It’s great for boys to see men in caregiving roles.

I know all about paedophiles though. I have two of them in my family and am very clocked on to risk. I’m not worried about male teachers and nurses. It’s the dads and the uncles and the nice old man down the street I keep my eye on.

Oh I didn’t want a male midwife. I told them that too 😂. I wanted to do my bit for the only profession where women hold the positions of power 😄

I didn’t really mind that much about the man but the femininity of the birth experience was the best bit!

Yes, I would. Thankfully my children are past that age now and never had any male nursery workers, even though we used 5 nurseries in total during those years (two house moves).

Our nursery employs a man as a sports coach and he is fantastic. He does work across all rooms (including the baby room) as needed, such as covering breaks, but he doesn’t change nappies. However, that’s not just because he is male, but because they keep nappy changes to a baby’s key worker plus one alternative.

As a teacher I’ve known one boy leave Year 11 to go into childcare and I would anticipate that he would be excellent.

Yes, I know from experience I'd question their presence there. One of my children had a male nursery worked and he turned out to be fabulous after my initial reservations.
Just before my second child left the nursery a male member of staff joined who was a familiar face locally, he'd worked in a few of the local shops and I always found him to be quite odd and was uncomfortable with him being there. He'd ask my child to hug him at the end of the day and I just didn't like it.

When there have been well-publicised accounts of horrible crimes in nurseries committed by women, there’s not been a call to view all women working in nurseries as suspicious. I think openly assuming any man poses a threat lets predatory men off the hook for personal responsibility for their actions and builds a world that I’m not sure we want our sons growing up in. Men should and can be caregivers to their own kids and others, and my kids benefitted hugely from having people of both genders looking after them at nursery.

Are there nurseries in which this isn’t the case?

I was very surprised recently when looking round nurseries for DN to visit a couple where the nappy changing was done in a side room/alcove area, completely out of view of most of the main room.
In one there was even a door, which they said remained open, but it could be closed.

Actually, I felt the exact opposite. I was delighted there were two male workers at DD's nursery. It's so important for children to see men in caring roles. There are 2 male teachers + Head teacher + specialist sports coach at her small 1-class entry Primary school, and it was one of the positives of the school for me for the same reason.

They were both in the toddler/pre-school rooms, not the baby room. DD was had one of them as her key worker at one stage and he was fantastic with her (and the other kids). She adored him.

The nursery was set up well from a safe guarding perspective and I had confidence in them.

If I had had other concerns about the nursery then maybe I would have felt differently about it. And hand on heart I would probably have felt a little less confident if one of them had been in the baby room. But they were fantastic with the toddlers and pre-schoolers!

The most likely sexual abusers are family members, statistically, by far. If you don’t like a nursery employing male workers, send your child to one with all-female staff and be prepared to find a new nursery at short notice if they subsequently employ a male.

No, it wouldn't put me off, all the male teachers and childcare workers I've known have been great.

If I were an honest male nursery worker however, I would probably ask not to do nappy changes because I wouldn't trust people's judgements or want to risk any misunderstandings or false accusations.

There are no male teachers at DC's preschool or primary school and I think it's a real shame.

I think you’d struggle to find a nursery that has 2 staff present for all nappy changes.

Thank you for this excellent comment.

it seems we are sliding into a situation where men and boys are routinely viewed as predatory and dangerous, quite extreme anti male sentiment increasingly seen as normal and the voices of bigotry are getting louder and then People wonder why young men end up getting sucked into a manosphere which promises them some kind of value recognition,

While we all fight among ourselves what we actually what we need is just proper safety precautions to be implemented in whatever space.

A lot of nurseries change all babies at once to schedule, only doing poos individually. So I don’t think it’s that uncommon

Men commit 93-99% of CSA, depending on what statistics you look at. Yes, women abuse in nurseries too but it’s exceedingly rare and they are usually providing a man or men with CSA images, so men are involved there too.

I don’t feel it’s about being enlightened. The fact is that men are far, far more likely to commit sexual crimes than women are. As I have personal experience of men like that, there is no way I would’ve sent my children to a nursery with male staff. I also worked in a nursery years ago and any staff (all female) who had a poor attitude were sacked very quickly. It’s so important to get the very best people looking after the most precious individuals in society. They are so vulnerable at that age.

Ds’ keyworker was a man, didn’t bother me, but I did notice the female staff didn’t like him and pulled faces. He was only there about a month when my ds started and left after

I do think it must be pretty hard for a man in these workplaces. Akin to being a woman on a building site