Would you be put off a nursery if it employed a man?

[Eaglesfortea]

I’d like to think I’m open minded and not sexist, but I would be put off… I have no issue with male primary school teachers or sports club leaders, but I wouldn’t want an unrelated man changing DD’s nappy.

YABU - men working in nurseries wouldn’t bother me at all
YANBU - I’d be put off too

One of the best members of staff at my DC's old nursery was male. Gay and seemingly good mates with one of the best female staff. It was nice having that little bit of balance.

Yes

I work with cases of child abuse. Most parents are under reacting to the risks actually. In my experience far too many cases are caused by those the child and their parents trusts, and vigilance decreases over time.

There is not a chance I would leave any non verbal child young enough to need nappy changes or assistance in the lavatories with a male assistant.

Nurseries do not pay enough - the ‘safe guarding’ and threshold only confirms that someone hasn’t been prosecuted to date. It doesn’t mean they are ‘safe’ - and moreover too many nurseries have any ever changing work force. It’s easier to escape detection if you are moving on every few months.

Nurseries are sitting ducks for predators, particularly poorly managed ones and those that have especially high turnovers.

Yes

I completely agree with this.
I don't think it's a good idea to view all males as potential perverts/abusers based on nothing but their sex for the reason you and the pp say.
Also it's a backwards and regressive attitude towards women too imo as it's assuming that all caring jobs should be done by women and males should be treated with suspicion as are incapable and/or dangerous if they take a role that's not a "masculine" 🙄 one - one more step towards a set up of a segregation type of society between men and women as well which I'm seeing becoming a more prevalent view on here

No.

No.

My granddaughters key worker at nursery was a man....she loved him. However 10 years later the same guy was charged with indecent assault at another nursery he'd moved to.

I didn’t go to nursery (I think it was less common back then) but two men from my primary school, a teacher and a caretaker, were later convicted. And two teachers from my secondary school were sacked for getting too close to pupils.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that some people might choose that line of work for nefarious reasons.

No, because I don't automatically consider men to be dodgy characters. But, also yes. There is something yucky about a strange man changing a nappy, I think it should be the women who do this where possible anyway, that's potentially me being sexist, though.

This is hard to deal with and I understand everything you say.

My dad worked in child protection for the police for 25 years including our childhood and whilst he stayed professional (he obviously knew things about school parents, neighbours etc) it was always clear to us that the “paedo on every street corner” wasn’t hysterical, it was more likely than not.

but it has to be aligned with normal life somehow. if you need to use a nursery you can’t control who they employ. You just have to be satisfied with the safeguarding.

For example when I hear about the whole children in changing rooms debate and how “there aren’t paedos hanging around the swimming changing rooms” I’m like OF COURSE THERE ARE?! Where else would a paedo go to see children half naked?! Do you have any idea how many on-license sex offenders get hauled out of leisure centres on a regular basis? 😭

but at the same time- I would rather take precautions and let my children go swimming than stay away for a very real threat that’s everywhere.

Every nursery I've worked in I've been alone with children frequently.
Not all nurseries have toilet facilities in the room - I would say all or almost all I have been in have a separate room (although it may be doorless or have a window in the door).
Sleep rooms - usually only one member of staff so others can have lunch.
All the children in the garden and one or two need changing/a wee - only one adult goes in with them not everyone.

Then you are sexist and far from open-minded. It's just a nappy change.

Should men be allowed to change boys nappies? Should women be allowed to change boys nappies?

Not unreasonable at all, it’s very common. It’s why so many sex offenders were teaching or running scout groups- alll day access to children. A CS abusers dream really. All you can do is safeguard

Normally 1 adult would do the 'nappy run' while other adults are with the children.

There were wonderful male teachers at my children’s primary school. I would not out my children in a nursery that employed male staff. And would not hire a male babysitter in a hotel setting etc. My uncle was a very kind babysitter to us as children.

Most men are harmless, but male predators are dangerous and seek access to children. As a mother I put potential danger from males as a priority. This does not mean I think of all men as dangerous.

Yes I would be put off. Yes, there are cases of women abusing but the vast majority of perpetrators are men, so I’d be thinking about the statistical risk.

It is unfair to men who genuinely want to work in nursery care, but I blame the male criminals for that.

Plus I feel vetting doesn’t help much really … I mean no one’s caught until they’re caught are they?

I used a nursery with a male carer when my DC were little and it wasn’t a problem for me. I trusted their hiring process.

Children, especially boys, need positive role models.

When I put my child in daycare the only question I asked was if they employed any men. They said they didn’t but they would.

In the three years my child was there they employed one man who wasn’t in my child’s room and he didn’t last long - maybe a couple of weeks before they were gone.

In my country (in the last few years) there has been men charged with very serious assaults of very young children. I’m not detailing anything that happened but from what limited information that was made available to the media it was traumatic.

Looking at the pictures of men it was very clear there was something very wrong with them. They looked like predators. I don’t know what the person who employed them was even thinking. I don’t understand how parents would have been ok leaving their children with these men.

My child did have a male support worker for his therapy appointments. I wasn’t comfortable initially but I kept an open mind. I also had my child toilet trained in less than a week because I didn’t want him changing my child’s nappies.

Turns out he was an amazing therapist and had a breakthrough with my son.

I also had a client where they had to fire an employee after finding out he was a pedo. He was a youth social worker and it came to his employer’s attention he was a pedo and they fired him and reported him to Police. He challenged the dismissal - even though there was substantial evidence.

I also met the person who was responsible in my State for assessing the working with children checks. She told me that some of the predators had committed sickening acts and were only wanting to work with children and some would beg for her to grant the approval for them to work with children. She said it was disgusting after what they had done that they were trying to access kids. She said it wasn’t just men - it was women.

I absolutely would be put off.

Sexual assault/rape is a lot more likely with male nursery staff. It just is.

Why would you take that chance with the most precious, vulnerable and probably non verbal, person in your life?

Unfortunately yes. men make massively larger proportion of sex offenders so not taking risks there.

No. I posted this in another thread recently. Male members of staff on the nursery team was a real positive for us as they are massively under represented in childcare and primary schools and are a really positive factor in young boys’ education (we have a DS) but I wouldn’t be concerned with a DD either (if we have another and it’s a girl she will attend the same nursery). We are happy the safeguarding policies in place are thorough and if we trust in male doctors and male secondary school teachers then I don’t see why we can’t extend that to male childcare providers. I don’t go into life assuming every man is a sexual predator, but I do ensure there are safeguarding policies in place and being followed which should prevent anything if someone were to slip through the net. Is it 100%, no, but it’s the best risk management we can have whilst also having the benefit that males providers can offer. Women can be dangerous too.

Will we ever get to a world of equality when people still hold these strange beliefs that only women can change babies nappies?!! How bizarre!

When men stop raping babies maybe??

That is just scaremongering and offensive to the majority of men who do not rape babies!! There are also women who abuse babies. What’s needed is safety measures to ensure it’s an environment where that can’t happen by anyone - not an exclusion of all males from the job!