To go from four to five kids?

[Eaglesfortea]

We have SD12, SD10, SS7 and DD1. We have SC every other weekend, one night in the week and in the holidays, can’t have them more due to their mum moving to the other side of the city, which is 45m drive in peak time. As they’re getting older, they’re finding more reasons to stay at their mum’s, which I think is normal as it’s closer to schools and their friends (plus later curfew and more gaming time and the like).

Pros:

• I want DD to have a sibling to grow up with. I’m an only child with no cousins, DP’s only brother lives abroad and cousins aren’t close so no cousins nearby and we moved to this city to follow SC’s mum so we don’t have close friends nearby either
• could afford it, we have all the baby stuff already, I get a generous maternity leave and we wouldn’t need to change car
• we have enough room, though baby would need to share with DD until they’re at school when I’ll go back to full time work and we’d do an attic conversion to give them a room each
• I just don’t feel done yet

Cons:

• time and money will be more stretched between the children
• I’m 39 so possibly more risky
• DP isn’t keen as he says he’s been changing nappies for over a decade!
• environmental impact?

YABU - don’t do it
YANBU - go for it

If dp isn't keen then no

Yabu because your DP isn’t keen

What did you and partner discuss when you got together?

Blended families are difficult. As it would mean 5 kids for him but only 2nd time for you. So I can see why he is done but you are not

Your boyfriend won't parent his kids 50/50 because of a 45 minute drive?

He doesn't want another kid, so it's not an option. Is he getting a vasectomy?

So it’s your second, but your DP’s fifth?

Id query the affordability of quite so many children - but I see your logic re your DD having a sibling and your own family size / shape when the other children aren’t there full time.

You partner isn’t keen so it should be a no
and he has a point IMO

The answer is always a no if one party isn’t keen or says no.

I was always clear I wanted either two or to be childfree (and not a stepparent either). He is entitled to change his mind, of course. I think he’d ultimately agree to what I want to do, but if I said no more, he’d be happy.

Yes. It is expensive but luckily we are both good earners with decent savings and investments.

Having five kids would mean we don’t lead a luxury lifestyle, but to be honest, we don’t with four either.

The only benefits we get are funded nursery hours and tax free childcare. Mortgaged house, no UC, no child benefit.

There’s always one 🙄

I'd go for it is nice for your DD to have a sibling there full time and as 2 SC come over and leave it will noce to have a sibling "full time".

So he’s already leaving three with their mum because driving for 45 mins is yoo
much? Are you married? He’s not keen and he leaves women and children! Not great dad prospect really. One is plenty in your situation.

Inheritance will be split 5 ways.

Less money for additional stuff

Less time for clubs / sports etc I have 3 and the schedule for kids needs an xls.

Parenting teens is a lot harder than small kids- and you will have a decade or more of parenting teens when you are old.

If you get help with childcare then you are each have a net gross of less than £100k- which is fine, but not huge buffer for 5 kids if one gets ill, separates, loses their job, kids get sick and need parent to stay at home etc

I get you wanted two. Any emotion will overtake everything above.

If dp isn't keen then it would be a no fir me

Your DP isn’t keen but would have a 5th child just to keep you happy? He has no brain

Id say no because your DP isn’t keen, and he’d be the one more stretched between all his children.
Id ignore the poster who can’t even spell that’s saying they don’t want to wok to support your children.

My first love was one of 5 so I’ve very pro 5 kids - he was lovely and they were a lovely family ! But not if one partner is not on board!

Uni costs? For five??? (I appreciate not everyone goes to uni, but if that is in your ambitions for your kids as an option, and household income is over £65k which it sounds like it is, this is crippling and will come round v fast)

will you and DH have enough time and energy to split between 5 children so that they can all have one on one time and also can pursue their interests? Will it impact will ability to save for all your DCs futures, contribute to uni fees and give them experiences and good opportunities? Tutoring if they need it in exam years? If it will affect any of this then I think ywbu to have another as it would negatively impact on all your existing DCs.

You can afford it NOW, what happens if one of you dies, becomes longterm sick/ disabled, the child is disabled, one of you looses your job, you get divorced, that is a lot of children that will need supporting at tax payers expense.

That many kids is a luxury that only a few truely rich people can afford without taking a massive gamble on everything being just fine.

Sadly it is the choice you make when you start a relationship with someone who already has children.

Make that 2.

I can just imagine the threads in a years time. Dp hasn't bonded with new baby, Dp isn't helping with new baby, I feel like a single parent with a new baby. 🙄

No. Both parents need to be all in.