To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

[WarySwan]

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

I hsve no objection to you receiving disability and carers payment etc. Your children are clearly severely disabled.

The real cost of disability payments is set to double within a decade. Do you really think all of these claimants are severely disabled? Do you think that those parents who spend their kids DLA on getting their nails done (as some on here have readily admitted!) need that money?

I think there are plenty of recipients of disability related benefits are taking money they don’t need to fund their lifestyle. This needs to be curtailed to give better funding to those in a situation such as yours.

YANBU. So many people out there who don't understand, and don't even want to understand.

I’m sorry op. That all sounds very tough and like you’re doing a great job for your boys.

The reality is that people don’t understand what it is like being disabled or caring for a disabled person. Until you’ve lived with that, there is a lack of understanding. I don’t know if you can blame people for that? You could hope for more but they’ve never walked in your shoes.

Compounding that is the day to day struggle a lot of people are living financially.

So they don’t understand the reality of the situation (and therefore struggle with the compassion) and it’s compounded by their own struggle (they see the nice car and the extension they will never afford). End result being resentment.

Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them

Just for clarification, the first to die were German. People seem to forget this. Or not even know about it. Astonishing really, that people do not even know this.

They weren't Jewish. They were disabled Germans, 'defaults' of their own master race, adults and children. Killed through starvation, lethal injection and the very first use of gas chambers.

Aktion T4

Yes, it's sad. People are angry with the government and taking it out on the wrong people. C'est la vie. Been the way through all of human history.

Your last sentence is scary because it still hasn't changed.

People also choose to ignore the fact that children with additional needs are more likely to end up in care. Oddly enough all these people who think disabled people can easily exist on thin air fail to adopt any children with additional needs, which is odd seeing as its so easy and cheap to parent children with additional needs.

It is becoming impossible for anyone to pretend otherwise.

We are under attack.

Theyll be bringing back institutions next. Out of sight, out of mind.

I am terrified for what will happen to my sons after I am dead.

It’s not the disability, everyone just begrudges anyone getting anything now do they see new and it sets them off. Car broke down recently and we got a new courtesy car while it was being fixed, the ‘well for some’ comments were off the charts!! The world has just become a more ‘I want’ place unfortunately.

No, you can see quite clearly if you met my DC for about a minute. You'd probably want to leave and wonder how the bloody hell anyone can cope. Because it's often what I'm told, by people with very nice intentions. You see them sort of get this shock wave and they can't help but say how they dont know how I do it, that they couldn't, etc etc

Likewise, a good friend who I met has an extension. A 'nice car that she wheels her child out of on oxygen and posture support. You can visibly see both of us providing a level of constant care and support that would make you relieved it isn't you...

Again, it is a discussion worth having but I am not talking about those with invisible disabilities and the like. Mine are autistic with ADHD. But it isn't invisible. You can see by looking for about 10 seconds. Not just the disability pram or wheelchair. Or level of restraint in public. Even their posture is different and you can just tell. Even through photos

People just see the things we receive to help us but because they don’t have the underlying need they apply it to their own situation and then you get the ‘it’s not fair’ just because they dont see what goes on behind closed doors and resent us having any help.

I dare say for example if cancer rates rocketed overnight and resources were pulled towards treating everybody there would be outrage at some point that it was taking away from ‘ordinary folk’ (ie those who are well🤦) and they would be saying not to spend taxpayers money on everyone. Seems that there’s a secret limit of how many disabled people society likes and we’ve gone over that and now bitterness is everywhere.

Yep. I am so sorry. Most people reading this have no idea what it is like to know you will one day die, likely before your child, and know they are at immediate risk. Of every type of abuse possible

How I'd give anything to know my child could die before I do. How many can imagine this, wanting to see your child die just before you? They dont know what we know. What horrors could await

My eldest son had his first carer for some respite so I could sleep when he was 4. He was assaulted. A non verbal child. Assaulted.

The realities of care and who provides it is petrifying.

And yes I do use respite care. No choice at times

I've not sent that. In fact, I feel like there's a more positive view in recent years

Exactly it’s the value range food for the foodbank collection mentality. Nothing wrong with it of course but vast majority will add value items it’s almost as if to say ‘I’ll help but know your place and have the bare minimum’

I feel sad for you @WarySwan having to justify yourself, I think people need to read it though and start to understand what we go through as SEN parents. The struggle 24/7, the fact that everything takes so much more planning and energy. It’s relentless.

Yanbu. DS has just turned 16 so I am just starting the journey into moving to PIP and starting discussions about transferring his care to adult services. It’s a nightmare and a minefield!

It really is.
There have been times when it has crossed my mind to take my youngest with me. He is the more vulnerable of the two.

He is in his mid 20s now and is massive and he is violent. He does things that are very hard to manage. I worry that he would be abused or neglected in a group home. You see awful programmes about abuse in the care sector and as you, OP, very sadly know and I am so so sorry your son suffered that, we can't trust the people who take care of them.

I am so sorry. Most people cannot comprehend this level of mental torture on parent carers

People are not annoyed at all with the genuinely disabled, they are annoyed with the many many people pretending to be disabled. Pretty much everyone now knows people who are exaggerating or fabricating issues in order to get everything increasingly generous benefits whereas those of us not on benefits are skint having to pay for them and people are understandably angry and fed up with it.

Equally a family friends 18 year old daughter is autistic, yet high functioning. She has a mobility car, brand new.
Yet she very happily takes the train and bus with friends to go on regular trips away and she is still living at home with her wealthy parents, who could absolutely afford to buy her a car.
That’s what people get annoyed at.

@WarySwan It sounds relentless. I don't begrudge you a penny for what it's worth - it could happen to any one of us. (((Hugs)))

Yes people don’t get that without home carers (who are receiving a pittance) the cost of of providing care would be a fortune .
And everyone seems “to know” someone who is cheating the system. As a parent who claims dla for their child and I have supported someone through the pip assessment , it’s not easy to claim at all, it’s extremely difficult. It’s far more likely that people don’t see other people’s struggles than they are scamming the system.

It isn’t aimed at you and your DC who clearly need it. It’s aimed at people like my SIL who somehow gets PIP for mental health issues.

People believe that that is a massive amount of resource for a person that will never contribute to society.

Multiply that by the huge increase in disability claims in the last 25 years and that's the cause for people's attitude.

Thats sadly not true though. You don't even need to read beyond mumsnet to know that

I wish it was the case that people are only against fakers but its not.