Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

1000 replies

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 06:32

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Kirbert2 · 04/12/2025 11:46

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 11:34

People want to feel the hours and sacrifices they make working brings some benefit to themselves.

It's a huge benefit to not be so disabled that you can't work or like OP, have a child or children who are so disabled that you can't work because they require constant care.

Maybe some people need to start feeling grateful for what they do have such as healthy children who won't need care for the rest of their lives and not having the experience of staying awake at night wondering what will happen to your disabled child when you die.

I'd give anything to have that benefit. It's worth more than a Motability car, it's bloody priceless.

x2boys · 04/12/2025 11:50

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 11:42

Seeing someone getting things on benefits that they can’t afford themselves despite working all hours feels like there is no benefit in working. So it is not the car per se, it is they feel they should be able to afford more than someone who doesn’t work. Motability cars are just an obvious symbol of what they can’t afford.

It's hardly a perk
Being so disabled that the government agree the disabled child/ adult is eligible for a car is not something most peoole would aspire too.

x2boys · 04/12/2025 11:52

Kirbert2 · 04/12/2025 11:46

It's a huge benefit to not be so disabled that you can't work or like OP, have a child or children who are so disabled that you can't work because they require constant care.

Maybe some people need to start feeling grateful for what they do have such as healthy children who won't need care for the rest of their lives and not having the experience of staying awake at night wondering what will happen to your disabled child when you die.

I'd give anything to have that benefit. It's worth more than a Motability car, it's bloody priceless.

Edited

Well exactly
I would return my sons car in a heartbeat for him not to be disabled.

Avantiagain · 04/12/2025 11:56

"Motability cars are just an obvious symbol of what they can’t afford."

Motability cars are a symbol of the disabilities they don't have.

Avantiagain · 04/12/2025 11:58

It's like being jealous of someone else having a wheelchair.

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:01

Kirbert2 · 04/12/2025 11:46

It's a huge benefit to not be so disabled that you can't work or like OP, have a child or children who are so disabled that you can't work because they require constant care.

Maybe some people need to start feeling grateful for what they do have such as healthy children who won't need care for the rest of their lives and not having the experience of staying awake at night wondering what will happen to your disabled child when you die.

I'd give anything to have that benefit. It's worth more than a Motability car, it's bloody priceless.

Edited

But they don’t have experience of that so can’t make that comparison. They just wish they could afford a car and not be made to feel guilty for putting value pasta in the food bank box despite that being all they can afford to eat themselves.

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:03

Avantiagain · 04/12/2025 11:58

It's like being jealous of someone else having a wheelchair.

No it isn’t, they don’t want or have a need for a wheelchair. They do want, and maybe have a need for, a new car.

x2boys · 04/12/2025 12:05

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:01

But they don’t have experience of that so can’t make that comparison. They just wish they could afford a car and not be made to feel guilty for putting value pasta in the food bank box despite that being all they can afford to eat themselves.

I'mn not sure what value pasta has to do with anything.
But imo it all tastes the same to me
We are having some for tea 25 pence I think it cost me in lidl.

x2boys · 04/12/2025 12:06

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:03

No it isn’t, they don’t want or have a need for a wheelchair. They do want, and maybe have a need for, a new car.

They wouldnt be willing to swap there lifestyle for that of disabled persons lifestyle though....

Kirbert2 · 04/12/2025 12:06

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:01

But they don’t have experience of that so can’t make that comparison. They just wish they could afford a car and not be made to feel guilty for putting value pasta in the food bank box despite that being all they can afford to eat themselves.

You don't need to have the experience to know that it's clearly difficult and you would trade a car for your child's health in a heartbeat.

Hence why no one would ever say they'd take a Motability car if it meant that their child would have to be profoundly disabled.

SleeplessInWherever · 04/12/2025 12:07

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:03

No it isn’t, they don’t want or have a need for a wheelchair. They do want, and maybe have a need for, a new car.

Do you have a want, or need, for the corresponding disability that warrants you that “free car” (which isn’t free)?

Kirbert2 · 04/12/2025 12:08

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:03

No it isn’t, they don’t want or have a need for a wheelchair. They do want, and maybe have a need for, a new car.

The only way to have that car though is either you need to be disabled or your child needs to be disabled.

As I said, it's a big price to pay.

oneinataxioneinacar · 04/12/2025 12:11

x2boys · 04/12/2025 12:06

They wouldnt be willing to swap there lifestyle for that of disabled persons lifestyle though....

But this is what people aren't grasping. Plenty of taxpayer's who don't get any benefits do live "a disabled persons lifestyle".

I spent years missing out on things and often housebound by my fluctuating condition before finally buying a wheelchair myself. I don't qualify on the NHS for a chair and I don't qualify for benefits yet my life was so limited until I bought a chair. Same with the motability cars. The assumption everyone who doesn't have a car or a chair or benefits is able bodied and bouncing with vitality is so far from the truth. And we just can't take being squeezed and squeezed by taxes and below inflation pay rises any more

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:13

They don’t know what a disabled person’s lifestyle is like so can’t make that comparison.

x2boys · 04/12/2025 12:14

oneinataxioneinacar · 04/12/2025 12:11

But this is what people aren't grasping. Plenty of taxpayer's who don't get any benefits do live "a disabled persons lifestyle".

I spent years missing out on things and often housebound by my fluctuating condition before finally buying a wheelchair myself. I don't qualify on the NHS for a chair and I don't qualify for benefits yet my life was so limited until I bought a chair. Same with the motability cars. The assumption everyone who doesn't have a car or a chair or benefits is able bodied and bouncing with vitality is so far from the truth. And we just can't take being squeezed and squeezed by taxes and below inflation pay rises any more

But I DO get it in my immediate family of four ,three have health conditions/ disabilities
Only my youngest son is eligible for DLA due to the severity of his disabilities
You are making massive assumptions.

Avantiagain · 04/12/2025 12:16

"Do you have a want, or need, for the corresponding disability that warrants you that “free car” (which isn’t free)?"

And which they don't 'have' it anyway. The DWP messed up my son's PIP payments and he got close to having Motability taking it back as you are not allowed to have anyone make up the payments in the meantime.

SleeplessInWherever · 04/12/2025 12:17

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:13

They don’t know what a disabled person’s lifestyle is like so can’t make that comparison.

Okay.

Since the usual comparison is “have” and “have not,” I believe the usual MN response is to earn more so you can “have.”

TigerRag · 04/12/2025 12:20

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 11:42

Seeing someone getting things on benefits that they can’t afford themselves despite working all hours feels like there is no benefit in working. So it is not the car per se, it is they feel they should be able to afford more than someone who doesn’t work. Motability cars are just an obvious symbol of what they can’t afford.

Would you really pay £77 a week for 3 years for a car you'd never get to keep?

Your award isn't lifetime anymore so the money could be stopped any time and then you'll possibly lose the car

Kirbert2 · 04/12/2025 12:21

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:13

They don’t know what a disabled person’s lifestyle is like so can’t make that comparison.

There's a reason why the vast majority of people wouldn't choose to be disabled or to have a disabled child.

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:22

SleeplessInWherever · 04/12/2025 12:17

Okay.

Since the usual comparison is “have” and “have not,” I believe the usual MN response is to earn more so you can “have.”

Or, in their mind, stop work entirely and go onto benefits. PIP/DLA aside, for many there really is very little financial benefit in working. That is the real issue.

SleeplessInWherever · 04/12/2025 12:26

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:22

Or, in their mind, stop work entirely and go onto benefits. PIP/DLA aside, for many there really is very little financial benefit in working. That is the real issue.

Why would PIP/DLA be an aside, have you forgotten the thread you’re on?

There’s lots of financial benefit to working, and some people can’t. It’s those people we’re talking about supporting.

oneinataxioneinacar · 04/12/2025 12:40

x2boys · 04/12/2025 12:14

But I DO get it in my immediate family of four ,three have health conditions/ disabilities
Only my youngest son is eligible for DLA due to the severity of his disabilities
You are making massive assumptions.

I am not "making assumptions " I'm responding to the countless comments that tax payers don't know what it is like to be disabled/wouldn't like to trade places

Legobricksinatub · 04/12/2025 12:45

Because people are asking why others resent those getting benefits. As I said, I have a disabled child. Even my close friends and family (those without disabled children) struggle to understand what it is like. They just see another child and in their mind all children need looking after.

x2boys · 04/12/2025 13:33

oneinataxioneinacar · 04/12/2025 12:40

I am not "making assumptions " I'm responding to the countless comments that tax payers don't know what it is like to be disabled/wouldn't like to trade places

Well disabilities come in all shapes and sizes and range from very mild to profound
Nobody would want to be so severely disabled that they woukd be eligible for a car.
Are you really telling me you would want to be even more disabled than you are so you woukd be eligible for a car?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread