To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

[WarySwan]

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

Well, what do you think would be done? Since you've asked the question 😔

Why is it the the education system you're blaming and not parenting/society as a whole?

Blame shit schools is masking the reality of some terrible parenting.

@WarySwan
I don't know, I'm not a politician or civil servant.
But that's what people are annoyed about,that politicians and civil servants aren't trying to find out what could be done then - as they already think things are imbalanced.

They won't be getting disability benefits.

I read on another thread on here a comment that parents of disabled children should have planned for it and be able to pay for everything their child needs.

What an absolute muppet. That basically means only aristocracy can have children then. I'm sure they'll eventually be angry at people for not having kids when their pension doesn't exist anymore and there are no nurses to wipe their thick arsed.i really, really wish stupid people like that just stay out of these conversations. They add nothing of value.

She is disabled, she gets the PiP, she exchanges the PIP for the car, she is not her parents.

You're working on the assumption that her parents will continue to support her for a start off. You're another one who expects someone to justify how someone spends their PIP, the application for which, a medical professional will have supported

I disagree with this. I was in Aldi recently and compared the ingredients and nutritional value between their cheap baked beans and their normal baked beans. There really wasn't any significant difference between the two. In fact the really cheap beans had less sugar and salt.

But she's clearly lied on the application. Because if she can get trains and buses and travel abroad without help then she doesn't need the PIP

I don't think people's resentment is aimed at people like you, OP. It is that people are struggling financially themselves and then they start to question where their money is going. Because we have a very high number of disabled people in the UK compared to many other countries, people are sceptical about where the bar is being set.

I think most people are coming in for a lot of resentment at the moment: people with too many children, people without children, immigrants, people in big houses, people in social housing, old people, rich people, poor people.

When the economy is going better, there are plenty of jobs and redundancies aren't hanging over them, people feel nicer towards everyone else.

Mental illness is also a huge spectrum ranging from mild anxiety to severe and enduring mental illness.

What a ridiculous statement. Are you going penalise the unemployed then as theres a good percentage who are unlikely to contribute to society in any meaningful way.

Or are they going to be next?

You can lie all you want you still need evidence

The stats show something like 40% of children in Scotland now are on record as SEN.
In Wales it used to be really high, but they reformed some elements of categorisation (getting rid of a General category) and increased targeted care (I believe) and the number went down.

Most common sense people are annoyed at the people who get full whack PIP, UC, DLA, motability for low level mental health conditions, hard ones to "prove" like back pain. Not children or adults who clearly need specialist intervention and care. I don't doubt there is increased ableism just like there is increased racism and nationalism. But the underlying discontent is surrounding taxes/cost of living and perceived unfairness.

It's also the cost of funded transport to school people are discussing at the moment - taxis to and from school coating the council thousands. Residential care like you said costing thousands but having very little adequate carers, understafffed. Big profits to be made from group homes with poor outcomes. It's really complex

There is obviously a nuanced conversation to be had around overdiagnosis of autism/adhd, learning disabilities and we desperately need social care reform and budget reallocation.. I wish we had sensible takes from politicians and economists

Honestly, I don’t think it’s people like you that people have a problem. You have 2 severely autistic children. I’ve also not heard anything bad being said about people in your position either. When discussing this people do tend to caveat there opinions with obviously not the people who genuinely need it, which is you. However, I’m not as sensitive to the issue so maybe I’m seeing it for what it is. I do know of people who play the system they’ve been quite vocal about it. I do think they’re the ones doing you a miss service & not the people who are getting annoyed about it.

The increase in young people with severe anxiety is a concern. What is driving that increase and shouldn’t we be doing more to tackle that so that these young people can move on with their lives and fulfil their potential?

But motorbility drivers are not typically 18-25 year olds with anxiety. Disabled drivers are still getting negative attention. It doesn’t explain the uptick in negative attitudes to disabled people generally.

I think it is more around the feeling that there are not enough resources to go around. When some working people are unable to afford basics like putting the heating on. It is easier to blame the disabled, people on benefits and migrants than to understand the real issues with our economy.

@Euphesia
People definitely have the same kind of attitude (resentment etc.) towards the long term unemployed - i.e. people who have never worked.

OP I don’t think anyone would begrudge any help you receive in your situation- your DC clearly have genuine needs and it must be incredibly hard for you.

I hope you won’t take this the wrong way (I’m genuinely empathetic to your situ) but how old are your children and what made you want to have a second pregnancy when you had such a tough time with your first DC (as opposed to to going down the adoption route, for instance)?

Well I hope not. I became single side deaf earlier this ear due to a brain tumour. I get no benefit of any kind but am certainly disabled/have a disability. Last thing I also need is general hostility.

I agree

Thing is, they don't see what goes in to them having seeming independence.

My older son is also autistic, though very what people call 'high functioning'

He has a masters degree. He has a drivers licence (although currently between cars).

He also was in nappies until 6 (soiling issues until 10, didn't talk till he was 7. We were told he would never talk and we needed to teach him makaton. Told we were in denial.

We trained him to use public transport. It took us ten years. Ten. Years.

Ten years of going with him, then following the bus in the car, then having him stay on the phone while we watched him get on the bus or train then drove to where he was supposed to get off then driving behind him while he walked home, then hiding so he thought he was doing it alone, then waiting at home with car keys in hand, terrified that something had gone wrong.

Ten years later and he can get on a train or a bus to go to meet people from his autism group and they do art, drama, go for walks with a support worker, he even goes to the pub once a month.

But if his train is cancelled or there's a diversion or something, he needs rescuing.

He also can't find a job despite having both a bachelors and a masters degree.

But yeah, a neighbour would totally see him waiting at the train station and go wtf he's not even disabled! Look at him! And they'd come on mumsnet and say my neighbour says her son is disabled but I see him go out at least 3 times a week all by himself.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I wish I could tell you that you're imagining it, but you're not. The rhetoric and the resentment is off the scale now.

I don't know exactly what's driving it. A lack of basic empathy? A failure of the imagination which renders people unable to see what life is like for anyone other than themselves? Disinformation on a grand scale and the inability to distinguish between fact and fiction? Social contagion? Or perhaps a combination of all of the above?

I really wish I had some comforting words to offer. Your life sounds like it is challenging enough already without having to deal with this shit on top.

If it helps even a tiny bit to know that there are still many people who admire the tireless care and dedication that you show, and who don't begrudge you a penny of our taxes if they can help to make your life just a little bit less stressful, then know that we are here.

I do worry about those that are severly disabled in the future. The euthanasia / right to die legislation that is being looked at scares me. In Canada you can die under their scheme for having autism.

Yes, i see the bad feeling in real life. My ds goes to a special school. I've recently been asked/ told if i realise how many normal teachers his placement could pay for.

I think that the bad feeling is aimed at people who claim for what is percieved as minor disabilities but those with severe and obvious disabilities are getting caught up in it. Tarred with the same brush.

My son has severe autism too. Sending love OP

Again it goes off need nobody is getting full whack PIP for mild anxiety
And most children with ADHD and or Autism won't be getting the highest rates of DLA some won't qualify at all.

How do you know it's a motibility car? If her parents are wealthy they may have bought it. She doesn't sound like she qualifies for that element otherwise so why don't you report them.
In fact all the people who know definite fakers should report them, it should save millions if all these posts are genuine.

People on mn always say thst no one is talking about genuinely needy people. But many of the people caring for genuinely needy peoole report abuse or negative comments. Lots of people talk in a dehumanising way like 'non productive' and people even start stuff like euthanasia or abortion. One of the first things my friend with a child with doen syndrome gets asked is whether she thought about abortion. Lots of people also talk about personal responsibility and preparing for the costs in advance.

So mn is a bit naive thinking noone resents severely disabled people

As a disabled person who looks well from a quick glance. This shift in attitudes scares me no end. I keep my disability secret as well as the fact I get PIP. PIP which I use on activities that get me out the house and talking to people as it helps me stay well and keeps my psychosis at bay. But from an outside perspective I'm swanning about using my PIP to pay for coffees and shopping.