To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

[WarySwan]

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

Why shouldn’t her parents support her rather than the state? Why should the state be the first port of call? The state can’t afford it. Her parents can.

Speaking as a parent of someone with high functioning autism and ADHD, there is no way I’d ever put in a claim. Are only expenses are mainstream private schooling (siblings are doing fine in state). We can afford to pay for the school. Why should the state pay?

The choices are;

1. Support them fully
2. Kill them at birth or when their disability extent becomes clear
3. Remove all financial support plus remove the more expense residential and care support, and just… see what happens. They’ll die, or be killed by family driven to desperation and depression, who will then probably kill themselves but at least the state can say we didn’t euthanise them.

We can’t cure all these disabilities, the genuine ones with no other option than to live in state support. We can’t cure them. So that’s if. We support them or we kill them. Which would you like? Since you seem to be one of those people who is angry that they cost money.

Surely the UK is actually one of the best countries in the world to be in if you do end up disabled or become a carer to disabled children? There are virtually no other countries that will pay for house extensions, cars, respite care etc, including many rich and progressive European states.

People around the world have disabled children at the same rate, and 99% of them don't have any remote chance to access to the funding and support programs that the UK offers. In many developing countries it means leaving the children in care of relatives or becoming destitute to care for them.

Absolutely nobody will begrudge profoundly disabled children receiving mobility aids. But they don't need to be sent on guilt trips and have their attitude compared to the Holocaust because a huge swathe of less disabled people are taking advantage of a system that's possibly the most generous one in the whole world.

I remember someone smuggly saying they've been able to plan for the support their child will need as an adult.

I have friends with disabled children many of whom had no idea during pregnancy. I remember one posting that their son had been referred for a squint. 6 months later, they were told he has a chromosome deletion syndrome

As I said there’s nothing wrong with them but it’s a visual thing often

Did you fail to read the second part of the post you're quoting?

Or alternatively, ‘I’ll help and if I provide value stuff then I can help twice as many as I can afford to help with branded items.’

If you believe she's lied, why haven't you reported her?

People do begrudge people support. Ds has full 1-1 at school and has done for over ten years. This was fought for and is very clearly written in his echp. It is legally deemed needed.

The amount of comments over the years from people who are nothing short of jealous is madness!

Yep and everytime there is a thread about someone struggling with their child with severe autism/ learning disabilities, you csn guarantee there will be posters just like suggesting putting the child into care or a non existent residential placement, like its a simple easy solution.

DC was 4 when I was pregnant with DC 2. Absolutely no sign of aggression or needing quite the extent of support that he does now, as he will be a teenager and then adult with the care needs of an 18 month old, but more severe as hes obviously 20 times the size for example

I would perhaps argue genetic counselling could've been of use. I had no idea just how profound and complex things could be for us. Then again, it's so hard, as most of my family are definitely on the spectrum. But they all have the type that means they're good at STEM careers. Not the type that needs 24/7 care for life with confidence issues and profoundly disabling elements of autism

Yes I am so over it. Would happily swap my disability benefits for my disability.

I think this an example of exactly what the PP is talking about.

A PP tells an anecdote, and nobody knows if it's true or not, or if the PP knows the full details.

Someone responds, and you respond to them with an escalation.

So now it has gone from an anecdote with unknown authenticity/ full knowledge, to an accusation of fraud.

The whole thing just snowballs, while we don't even know if the original post was true.

A lie can travel around the world before truth has put its shoes on.

Note, I am not accusing anyone of anyone here. I am just stating my observation of reading this thread. It's the lack of simple fact checking that gets me, and that's in general. Nowadays we have near the entire knowledge of the world in the palm of our hand, and we don't use it.

I think the problem is that everyone is lumped together in people's minds now. So no one can distinguish who is genuine or not or deserving or not.

Labour have then exacerbated the situation by increasing the benefits Bill at the expense of low paid workers. That's the headline people see and the manifest unfairness of it. So people don't care about the nuance of who is claiming benefits and who is deserving and who isn't. Labour think they are being generous with tax payers money but unfortunately I think they are stigmatising all benefits claimers (not just the undeserving).

And no it's not fair. But not much that Labour are doing at the moment is fair to most people.

For the record, the huge rise in benefits and the expansion of eligible conditions to include poorly defined mental health conditions all happened under the Tories…

@Bobiverse

Which one would you pick in a hypothetical situation where 90% of all children born have the OP's children disability?
And how would that work in practice?

(Yes 90% is just a hyperbole for the sake of a thought experiment. But people have posted that in Scotland 40% (of children starting school??) are SEN diagnosed.)

It goes off NEED not diagnosis.

Ideally everyone should be supported to have their best possible lives. If budget constraints make it impossible then I think it can be a lot of money to be spent on the few rather than the many.

In your situation OP I’d argue for more support. It costs far less to support you than it does got a residential placement so giving you regular respite may cost £80k a year but you could support 10x plus families to stay together for less than cost of residential placement.

This I suspect is what annoys me is spending hundreds of thousands of pounds per person because you’ve pushed their support system to breaking point when it’s a really inefficient use of resources.

It’s I like constantly buying new cars rather than spending a bit of money maintaining the oneyou’ve got.

@Kleenezeyou probably wouldn’t qualify for DLA as it’s about functional impairment and if your son is managing without any support he wouldn’t meet the criteria. There may come a time though, as an adult, where he finds working life tough and it may affect his mental health (v common with HFA in the workplace). If a PIP payment could help him to stay in a job wouldn’t that be a good thing.

But that is complete hyperbole and the backing up of SEN at 40% in Wales makes no sense - that 40% are not profoundly disabled.

Huge respect OP, I don't know how you do it or why anyone would begrudge you any of the support you are given. You are what I pay my taxes for.

I agree. I'm not saying there won't be anyone who is claiming potentially unfairly but surely it can't be lots. The hoops you have to jump through. The forms you have to fill out the evidence you have to show. I feel I am fighting tooth and nail to get some support for my child. I don't think we will get it despite really needing it. It's not easy to claim at all. I just can not imagine lots of people are able to when so many people who do need it don't get it or get put off the whole invasive process.

I had a thread the other week about moving in with my youngest kids dad and the financial implications because I’m full time care for my disabled child. A child my youngest dad essentially has raised as his own. We split when the disability ripped my life apart. Now support is in place and I’ve come to terms with no future for me if I keep my son. I had dozens of people on here saying it would be stupid for my partner to move in with me to take on the financial burden, that there was nothing in it for him. The idea he may actually love a disabled child he had raised as his own was aborhant to them.

I do think particularly with ND people take the piss. My youngest was diagnosed autistic and I was recommended I go for DLA for him. I was shocked tbh, he can attend normal childcare, yes he needs more time/specslist parenting that NT children but his level of disability when compared to my profoundly high need kid is negligible and I have not applied and think parents of kids with that level of need who can still work and their kids still attending school and not waking them constantly all night without danger awareness etc should not apply.

I don’t like the assumption I’m out for all I can get. I’d rather my child wasn’t disabled. I’d rather pay off my mortgage and into a pension than care until I can’t anymore then live out my life in further poverty. All the while judged by people who were able to work.

The majority of people say they only resent the fabricators, scroungers, and liars... OK, fine, but then the problem is you then put all of us who are claiming PIP and other benefits in that category automatically "because your aunts boyfriends cousins friend knows someone who lied on their PIP form and now drives a Ferrari" or some shit...

In that ridiculous situation, i’d think untested conception would probably become a crime. There would be mandatory genetic testing and IVF with for healthy conceptions. But, if we had some ridiculous issue with birthing every child with a disability, I think most people would have genetic testing without being told to.

Now, since that is not going to happen and we are actually currently dealing with a country already very angry and people like you who think it is unfair, what would you pick? You clearly think OP and others shouldn’t be getting financial support, so what is it you think should be done? No ridiculous hypotheticals; what about the situation we are currently in.