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To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

1000 replies

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 06:32

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Simonjt · 03/12/2025 07:05

Nanalovesnature · 03/12/2025 06:59

People are not annoyed at all with the genuinely disabled, they are annoyed with the many many people pretending to be disabled. Pretty much everyone now knows people who are exaggerating or fabricating issues in order to get everything increasingly generous benefits whereas those of us not on benefits are skint having to pay for them and people are understandably angry and fed up with it.

I have never met anyone exaggerating or fabricating a disability. A close friend is paraplegic, he is regularly verbally abused for being disablee.

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 07:05

ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 07:03

People believe that that is a massive amount of resource for a person that will never contribute to society.

Multiply that by the huge increase in disability claims in the last 25 years and that's the cause for people's attitude.

What do you think should be done instead?
Or what do you think people who hold that view believe should happen then?

CheekyChickenFucker · 03/12/2025 07:07

Kleeneze · 03/12/2025 06:38

I hsve no objection to you receiving disability and carers payment etc. Your children are clearly severely disabled.

The real cost of disability payments is set to double within a decade. Do you really think all of these claimants are severely disabled? Do you think that those parents who spend their kids DLA on getting their nails done (as some on here have readily admitted!) need that money?

I think there are plenty of recipients of disability related benefits are taking money they don’t need to fund their lifestyle. This needs to be curtailed to give better funding to those in a situation such as yours.

Edited

I wouldn't quote something from a forum that regularly gets frequented by bot posts. This gullibility is the problem really, you're now quoting something that could just be propaganda. I don't judge other people because I don't have all the facts and know that much of what is out there in the online world is bollocks.

Shouldn't we be asking why disability is such an issue right now? What is causing all of these disabilities? Blaming disabled people for things like learning disabilities or genetic conditions and also the carers saving tax payers thousands doesn't take away the problem does it? Just creates hatred and division, it doesn't have any use for the average person, but is useful to some.

GoOnJudgeme · 03/12/2025 07:07

Nanalovesnature · 03/12/2025 06:59

People are not annoyed at all with the genuinely disabled, they are annoyed with the many many people pretending to be disabled. Pretty much everyone now knows people who are exaggerating or fabricating issues in order to get everything increasingly generous benefits whereas those of us not on benefits are skint having to pay for them and people are understandably angry and fed up with it.

You can’t just pretend and get handed what you want! The DLA/PIP process is intense and needs assessments from professionals and supporting evidence from your GP and consultant

Nanalovesnature · 03/12/2025 07:09

Simonjt · 03/12/2025 07:05

I have never met anyone exaggerating or fabricating a disability. A close friend is paraplegic, he is regularly verbally abused for being disablee.

I volunteer at a local mental health charity and the place is full of people exaggerating and fabricating conditions. They advise each other on what to say and how to act in order to maximise benefits. They find it all very amusing. Not everyone, some people are genuinely ill, but the majority are not. Your friend is genuinely disabled and he has everyone's sympathy and everyone is very glad he is 'in receipt of benefits.

curious79 · 03/12/2025 07:10

The intolerance is towards the people, often young, who are too anxious to work. It is a significant proportion of 18-25 yr olds and it is simply not sustainable financially

OP you have it incredibly hard. Good luck in life

RhaenysRocks · 03/12/2025 07:12

ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 07:03

People believe that that is a massive amount of resource for a person that will never contribute to society.

Multiply that by the huge increase in disability claims in the last 25 years and that's the cause for people's attitude.

Ok so what is the answer to that then? That's a different question to sorting out the "real" disabled and fakers. That's raising the question of whether those who can never financially contribute should be allowed to live. Because they won't survive without state support. So what is the alternative?

Showerflowers · 03/12/2025 07:12

Tryingatleast · 03/12/2025 06:46

It’s not the disability, everyone just begrudges anyone getting anything now do they see new and it sets them off. Car broke down recently and we got a new courtesy car while it was being fixed, the ‘well for some’ comments were off the charts!! The world has just become a more ‘I want’ place unfortunately.

I think this post hit the nail on the head.

ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 07:13

@IncompleteSenten
@RhaenysRocks
@WarySwan

The fact that there's no feasible (or palatable) solution doesn't mean that people won't hold that attitude.

Actually the very fact that there's no feasible (or palatable) solution would make it more likely people will hold that attitude - the feeling of powerless...

GoOnJudgeme · 03/12/2025 07:13

CheekyChickenFucker · 03/12/2025 07:07

I wouldn't quote something from a forum that regularly gets frequented by bot posts. This gullibility is the problem really, you're now quoting something that could just be propaganda. I don't judge other people because I don't have all the facts and know that much of what is out there in the online world is bollocks.

Shouldn't we be asking why disability is such an issue right now? What is causing all of these disabilities? Blaming disabled people for things like learning disabilities or genetic conditions and also the carers saving tax payers thousands doesn't take away the problem does it? Just creates hatred and division, it doesn't have any use for the average person, but is useful to some.

My opinion is that the schooling system and CAMHS failures are driving a SEN crisis. Plus covid and all associated long term problems directly and indirectly (eg long covid but also the fact that minor treatable issues weren’t treated during lockdown so deteriorated and are now serious issues)

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 07:13

ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 07:03

People believe that that is a massive amount of resource for a person that will never contribute to society.

Multiply that by the huge increase in disability claims in the last 25 years and that's the cause for people's attitude.

It is a massive amount of resources. Again though, what's the alternative?

Current set up costs a lot of money. The alternative whereby DC is in full time residential is about half a million or more a YEAR. For basic 2 to 1 care for two autistic boys. So, what is the answer then?

OP posts:
WarySwan · 03/12/2025 07:14

ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 07:13

@IncompleteSenten
@RhaenysRocks
@WarySwan

The fact that there's no feasible (or palatable) solution doesn't mean that people won't hold that attitude.

Actually the very fact that there's no feasible (or palatable) solution would make it more likely people will hold that attitude - the feeling of powerless...

Edited

What's the non palatable solution you're referring to?

OP posts:
ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 07:15

People above (not sure if the OP) referred to a certain country 80 years ago?

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 07:16

GoOnJudgeme · 03/12/2025 07:07

You can’t just pretend and get handed what you want! The DLA/PIP process is intense and needs assessments from professionals and supporting evidence from your GP and consultant

Edited

Don't waste your time. They all know someone who happily details their benefit fraud and so they know that you only have to lie on a form and you get handed cash and nobody checks anything

Meanwhile I've got a 25 year old hulk that I have to force diazapam into in order to get into his room without getting another concussion so I can clear the shit he's just left on the lino I replaced his carpet with because he was pissing and shitting on it even though I put a chemical toilet actually in his room in a desperate attempt to stop him soiling his flooring and social services do fuck all .

I read on another thread on here a comment that parents of disabled children should have planned for it and be able to pay for everything their child needs.

Who the fuck says ok let's put the idea of kids on hold until we have enough saved up for round the clock care and security and a biohazard cleaning crew. Just in case.

CheekyChickenFucker · 03/12/2025 07:17

Nanalovesnature · 03/12/2025 07:09

I volunteer at a local mental health charity and the place is full of people exaggerating and fabricating conditions. They advise each other on what to say and how to act in order to maximise benefits. They find it all very amusing. Not everyone, some people are genuinely ill, but the majority are not. Your friend is genuinely disabled and he has everyone's sympathy and everyone is very glad he is 'in receipt of benefits.

I would be interesting to know if it actually worked though. How would you know they are fabricating issues? Don't get me wrong, I sure there is a minority that do this, but you don't know if they are telling the truth about the lying working until you see it land in their bank account. This is the problem, not dealing in facts.

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 07:18

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 07:14

What's the non palatable solution you're referring to?

Kill them. Thats what such people believe but dont (yet) have the stones to admit

Give it time though. The direction this country is headed theyll be saying it out loud soon enough.

Pricelessadvice · 03/12/2025 07:19

My personal opinion (and I prepare to be shot down in flames for this) is that the term disability is now too wide.
I believe I have the right to say this as someone with several chronic health conditions- narcolepsy being one- and Asperger’s. I don’t consider myself disabled, despite the fact that my conditions are disabling to me.
Every body could claim they have a disability for something, couldn’t they? Bad back, old knee injury, fibromyalgia, migraines, asthma, ADHD…
We can’t keep going on like this.

Runs for cover!

Btowngirl · 03/12/2025 07:19

Op, not that it changes anything but I support you being supported. This journey of parenthood is worrying enough at times, never mind with the additional challenges and considerations faced by having disabled children. I feel absolutely nothing negative towards any additional support. It sounds like you’re a brilliant mum xx

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 07:20

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 07:18

Kill them. Thats what such people believe but dont (yet) have the stones to admit

Give it time though. The direction this country is headed theyll be saying it out loud soon enough.

Yep, I think the same. Again, we aren't talking about people with 'questionable claims here as people like to drag on about. This thread is about the undeniable profoundly disabled that not even the thickest person could deny.

And it goes back to what I was saying. All feels very Germany late 1920s/ early 1930s

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/12/2025 07:21

Nanalovesnature · 03/12/2025 07:09

I volunteer at a local mental health charity and the place is full of people exaggerating and fabricating conditions. They advise each other on what to say and how to act in order to maximise benefits. They find it all very amusing. Not everyone, some people are genuinely ill, but the majority are not. Your friend is genuinely disabled and he has everyone's sympathy and everyone is very glad he is 'in receipt of benefits.

And the people who think they can’t work. Some genuinely perceive themselves as very needy and requiring support, but for no particular reason. They then support each other in finding the ‘right words’ to explain their need.

However, when disability bashing is underway, no one is talking about genuinely severely impacted people.

What carers like you do is immense- I had a friend who offered respite for families like yours and routinely worked in bit proof clothing, arm guards and so on. I was in awe of her and obviously more so of you. Whatever the state can do to support you is the bare minimum.

Please don’t read the discussion around benefits as though it’s about you and your DC. It isn’t.

It’s about making sure benefits go where they are most needed, and finding a way to make it sustainable.
It’s in everyone’s interests to make sure we are sustainable- things will only get worse if we can’t crack this. My kids do earn relatively well but their generation will be supporting a lot of older people as well as themselves due to our crackpot pension situation.

ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 07:21

RhaenysRocks · 03/12/2025 07:12

Ok so what is the answer to that then? That's a different question to sorting out the "real" disabled and fakers. That's raising the question of whether those who can never financially contribute should be allowed to live. Because they won't survive without state support. So what is the alternative?

@RhaenysRocks
Thought experiment: imagine that from now on 90% of children were born with OP's children disability (so clear need, etc.)
What would be done then?
(Well not immediately, but when the economical imbalance (was forecasted to ) become too great.)

Perhaps whatever that is should start to be done now? As people already view the balance unfavourably?

Sirzy · 03/12/2025 07:22

curious79 · 03/12/2025 07:10

The intolerance is towards the people, often young, who are too anxious to work. It is a significant proportion of 18-25 yr olds and it is simply not sustainable financially

OP you have it incredibly hard. Good luck in life

So then why aren’t questions being asked about what has gone wrong to mean so many people end up that mentally unwell. What is going wrong in the education and healthcare system which is leading to this issue and more importantly what is going to be done to change it.

If we want less people unable to work due to their disabilities we need to fix the systems around them to help tackle issues.

x2boys · 03/12/2025 07:22

Kleeneze · 03/12/2025 06:38

I hsve no objection to you receiving disability and carers payment etc. Your children are clearly severely disabled.

The real cost of disability payments is set to double within a decade. Do you really think all of these claimants are severely disabled? Do you think that those parents who spend their kids DLA on getting their nails done (as some on here have readily admitted!) need that money?

I think there are plenty of recipients of disability related benefits are taking money they don’t need to fund their lifestyle. This needs to be curtailed to give better funding to those in a situation such as yours.

Edited

Sigh
It goes off need not diagnosis, autism is a huge spectrum most children with it ein5 be getting the highest rates some dont qualify at all the Op children get the highest rates due to their complex disabilities.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/12/2025 07:23

Pricelessadvice · 03/12/2025 07:19

My personal opinion (and I prepare to be shot down in flames for this) is that the term disability is now too wide.
I believe I have the right to say this as someone with several chronic health conditions- narcolepsy being one- and Asperger’s. I don’t consider myself disabled, despite the fact that my conditions are disabling to me.
Every body could claim they have a disability for something, couldn’t they? Bad back, old knee injury, fibromyalgia, migraines, asthma, ADHD…
We can’t keep going on like this.

Runs for cover!

I could say the same, but ultimately I don’t qualify for financial support for my disability so am I even disabled? I can’t work full time, so yes. But no.

oneinataxioneinacar · 03/12/2025 07:23

I don't think it's hatred towards the disabled
I think it's just that the squeeze on "ordinary working people" to pay more and more in taxes has just reached an intolerable point.

And many of those working people have health issues and disabilities (and/or their children do). So this isn't about able bodied Vs disabled. It's about the endless impossible pressured from increased taxation and cost of living. The sense you can work a tough and responsible job and have naff all to show for it. You certainly can't afford an extension (and you may well be private renting anyway) and you cannot even imagine buying a luxury brand car

I think the government need to realise there is nothing left to squeeze out of people on average salaries who don't claim benefits

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