To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

[SparklyLimeHair]

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

Please don't give up with your job. You need a source of income. The job market is terrible.
Just be completely obdurate with social services: I can only do meetings on Friday. Put it in writing every time. It will be easier for them to rearrange the meetings than find alternative placement.

SGO isn’t appropriate/isn’t an option at the moment unfortunately due to circumstances.

I could get my job with a different employer if there were any job openings but I would still have the same problems with another employer unless they were willing to be extremely flexible.

If I do quit my job I’m not sure if it would be a career break though because I want to continue fostering the children and I don’t want them to go to someone else.

So my day off work is Friday yes. But it’s not possible to always to do meetings on a Friday only, that’s just not possible unfortunately.

I think you need to discuss with social workers that your day off work for meetings is Monday (or whatever it is). Or maybe take a career break until 2 year old is in reception? Surely work have to let you take unpaid parentsl leave?

I’ll try and speak to ACAS I think possibly. They won’t let me swap my non working day because it means having to rearrange work/meetings etc, that’s the reason that my employer gave.

A nanny just isn’t an option unfortunately. Adoption leave isn’t a possibility either because I haven’t adopted (and even if I did it wouldn’t be an adoption, it would be an SGO) the kids, I foster them.

It’s not possible to only have meetings on my day off unfortunately. And I also can’t choose when the fostering training is either and that is often on my working days

I think you should start saying you are not able to meet on the days you can’t meet politely. They won’t take the children off you.

They won't. It'd be very hard, and expensive, for them to find a successful placement for three children who have been removed and then had a disrupted placement with you as well. Demand for FCs outstrips supply. They need you. You are doing them a massive favour.

Why do you need to do all the FC training? You're not going into foster caring for unrelated DC as a career, this is a different situation. Of course you need suitable training and understanding of attachment and therapeutic parenting but you don't need the whole FC training package. When I was assessed as an adopter we did 4 days group training, then several months 1-1 home study with a SW coming to me and fitted in around my working hours. It's madness for them to be treating you like a FC. Actually you could try Adoption UK for advice on that, also the adoption board here has some FCs and kinship carers I think, as well as adopters who are also SWs. Seriously, you need to try to shake off pussy footing in case they remove the children. The LA should be pussy footing around you.

This

Why can't you use some of your current income to outsource cleaning, cooking etc? You seem to keep rejecting this suggestion by saying you can't have a nanny but surely other household help is possible?

But surely as HOD you can rearrange these yourself (or ask your secretary to rearrange if you have). It's not a big ask.

That’s just not an option unfortunately. Insisting that I can only do meetings on my non working day is just not an option unfortunately.

Could you take a sabbatical instead of quitting?

I can do but then my employer gets unhappy about it and it causes more stress for me too. They hate me rearranging work or rearranging meetings. They are just not flexible in the slightest unfortunately

My employer have refused a sabbatical unfortunately.

I’m a level 2 kinship foster carer so I do have to do fostering training. SGO isn’t an option at the moment unfortunately.

I think a tribunal would find them to be unreasonable. I would explain the situation to them and then use the words "reasonable adjustments". Put it in writing as a formal request. Good luck.

Absolutely is an option. They can’t make you do these meetings option, you do have autonomy over your own life.

my son was in hospital shortly for example, some parents couldn’t come in as they had to work. They can’t make you miss your job. No one can. Unless you are arrested by police.

OP you sound a bit defeated and I understand. People here are trying to show you that you hold more cards than you realise. Kick off merry Hell with your employer. Be more forthright with Social Services. They aren’t going to take the children away from you, and if you end up leaving your job what harm will it have done to assert yourself with work? You sound somewhat traumatised, but you need to find some guts and guile here - I would
imagine you don’t get to be head of a global department by being passive.

I’ve made a formal request before but I could try making another using those words I guess and see what they say?

Push back on that. Seriously you need to start standing up to social services, they've got you creeping around afraid they'll remove the DC if you don't do everything they say.

They won't do it, they really won't, they've got nowhere else to place them and it's be a massive ball ache for them and a bigger expense. They'll go a long way to avoid a ball ache and expense believe me - I got them to agree full adoption allowance for my DC til age 18. A friend of mine got a five figure lump sum to buy a bigger house in order to take on her DCs younger sibling. Both of those cost a lot, but cost a lot less then paying FC agency rates.

Say you're not doing any more FC training and want bespoke FC training tailored to your circumstances and held at a time convenient to you. They do it for adopters so why shouldmt they do it for you too? Say you're only able to commit to meetings on x day every week, or before 10 or after 4 on other days. You're already caught up doing medical appointments and school stuff in work time, you can't spend any more work time on stuff that is to tick the LAs boxes and their priorities which doesn't fit your priorities. Say the alternative is that you want them to pay you the equivalent of your current salary for the next 5 years, and you'll resign your job. I'm serious. If they can pay for people to buy bigger houses or build extensions, or in my case pay me more in adoption allowance than I make in my actual job, they can either work meetings around you or pay you properly for resigning your job.

I know that I’m quoting my own post here but this is the situation for next week. My employer is not happy at all but I’m not sure what else I can do. I literally feel like at this point I have no other option besides quitting my job. I just don’t think it’s possible to keep my job whilst also fostering but I don’t want the children to go to someone else so that means I’d have to quit my job.

The issue is more with SS not your employers. Do you actually find the fostering training useful?? Surely after a year you know the kids and their needs - support should be there for you on a flexible way when needed rather than generic mandated hoop-jumping training. (Again, not underestimating the challenges, but having been through pre-adoption training it seems aimed at idiots who have no knowledge)

That would be really stupid OP - there is going to be no money for pensions in 30 years time and you need to make money now. Let the state take care of them - they are not going to help you., save the money - take them out when you can and save, save, save.