To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

[SparklyLimeHair]

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

I don’t want the children to go to someone else.

I'm an ex SW. My advice, push back on the LA.
The agreed Care Plan is for these children to remain together. Tell the LA you cannot manage work (although I'd have expected this to have been discussed with you already) and caring for these children.
Push for financial support for say 3 years above the normal kinship fostering rate.
Yes they'll think you're an arsehole...how DARE you not to just uproot your entire life for these kids! However we are living in the real world here.

The LA has no chance of finding a long term placement for 3 children and in all honesty the youngest I'd be seeking adoption if they couldn't be with you. The elder 2 would be looked after for the remainder of their childhood, costig about £70/80k a year. Then the LA would have to tell a court why the Care plan has changed and if it's just due to money they will be looked at very unfavourably.

So the power really does lie with you.
Good luck and well done you for stepping up for these kids.

@SparklyLimeHair I don't think you're getting what people are advising you. The issues here are caused by SS, stop focussing on your employer, and start pushing back with SS. People have given really good suggestions for pushing back with SS or asking them for 5yrs of salary. I know you don't want to lose the children but you've repeatedly been told this won't happen and that SS need you more than you need them. You are in a good position here to sort all this out with SS, but sadly you seem too scared to.

Make sure you will get paid for the children. Find out exactly how much and where you stand on that.

A while back I knew a woman who voluntarily took on her sisters’s child, and because it was voluntary, she didn’t get paid at all!

I think people like you are bloody marvellous. You're an amazing human being taking on these children. Their lives will be better because of you.

I understand your dilemma, but have no solution. I know the amount of meetings, courses, training SS will expect you to go on. I've only read your posts, not the thread, but can I suggest you turn it on it's head a little? Why not refuse to go to the meetings SS are always asking you to attend? Tell them your availability around your working day. Push back on them to find the solution around your job.

Like PPs have said, they want this placement to work as much as you do. Make them do the legwork to make it work. Of course you should do the medical appointments, as any parent would, but the plethora of additional meetings you're expected to attend due to the kinship care should be SS problem to solve alongside your job, not yours.

I’m a level 2 kinship foster carer so I get the fostering allowances

Did you post about this before? I remember a very similar thread where the OP was considering taking on a fourth child, but her employer wouldn't let her reduce her days.

you are just as inflexible as your employer.

what would happen if you don’t attend the training? Also why would the circumstances stay the same in a year? If the child can go to a nursery, this suggests they can be looked after by others. Why is nanny not an option?

do you want people to encourage you to leave your job?

I think this quote of “a lot of foster carers don’t work alongside fostering” totally inappropriate for your situation and as if she’s just reeling out some lines

You are not fostering to be a foster carer, you have taken your niece/nephews in. The original intention wasn’t to be a fosterer and you likely wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I’ve looked at fostering and knew I just couldn’t make it work alongside work, so I didn’t

The only parents I know with 3 kids find life a hard juggle and they are part time, yet still find the juggle hard. It’s no surprise you’re finding it difficult, especially with all the additional things that come with your situation in terms of meetings

I’ll read through the newest replies later on once the kids are in school and then reply properly.

In the end you want what's best for the children. Kids with emotional and mental health problems are far more time consuming down the line, invest the time now in as secure a childhood as possible. The final answer is probably going to be a combination of SS paying you enough to manage in the interim and then moving to a freelance/more flexible employment maybe when the youngest starts school. You might be surprised what you can manage on financially, you don't need to be taking them to Disneyland but you don't want to be struggling in poverty on top of everything else. Also (speaking as a 50 something) don't forget your pension.

What if you didn't go to the training? You're not wanting to be a career foster carer, you're looking after relatives kids totally unplanned and with no preparation, and you've been doing it for a year, surely you'll be competent at it by now? SS seem to be very inflexible. I agree with others that you need to push back, you are not a "normal" foster carer.

The training is likely linked to the "skill" level and therefore the fostering allowance. Also, hopefully useful in therapeutic parenting/dealing with complex behaviour issues etc.

I do need to attend the training yes.

As a level 2 kinship foster carer I do need to attend the training yes.

Yes the youngest is in nursery but a nanny isn’t an option unfortunately. I do have to attend the training.

I have tried to push back on social services previously but it’s just not that easy unfortunately.

I have tried to push back on the LA previously but I haven’t managed to get very far with them so I’m not sure how much can change. About pushing for more financial support, what that be if I was to quit my job or if I was to stay in my job?

I don't see how anyone could take on kinship foster care with all the work time commitments, it seems self defeating if the only way to keep kids out of the "system" is to force the kinship carer out of work. I don't think SS are being at all helpful here.

I don’t see what other option I have though because this current situation is not sustainable anymore, I can’t manage my current job alongside fostering much longer and I’m not sure what option I have besides quitting my job.

Can you take a sabbatical? I took a one year sabbatical from my global company. I did not get paid but I got my significant car allowance which helped support me. Hopefully if you can then it gives you a year to work stuff out.

My employer has refused a sabbatical and they won’t budge on that unfortunately.

I am going to raise everything again with social services in the next meeting but I’m not sure how much will change.

They can't make you. They really can't. What do you think will happen if you don't do it?

I get adoption allowance paid at the same level as the maximum foster carers payment. I've never done a speck of FC training. Obviously I did adopter training but as I said up thread that was 4 one day a week group training days, then several months of personal 1-1 home study done to fit in around my work. It was also 15 years ago. If they can agree that for me they can do similar for you.

You are not a career FC. You have already had these children placed with you for a year. Like fuck would I be going on ongoing FC training at that point,it's ridiculous. Find your back bone with the LA, they need you. They need you capable of caring for these children not run ragged by pointless training as well as everything else you have to do to parent traumatised children.

I'm starting to think you actually want to leave your job and you just want everyone here to tell you you have to, because you're not engaging with anyone who says stand up to the LA. As in don't ask them if you can stop the training, tell them you're stopping it, and the meetings set when you're at work. Tell them, don't ask them.

I meant if you gave up your job.
Also get in touch with the IRO...the independent reviewing officer who chairs the LAC reviews. They're there to monitor the placement so tell them without further financial support this placement is in jeopardy of not being sustainable.

I've seen LAs pay out A LOT of money when challenged robustly.

Also look up the Family Rights Group online.