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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband going to basketball till 10:30pm - We have newborn

174 replies

Tetchy321 · 02/12/2025 18:33

My husband wants to go to basketball from 9pm and will get back at 10:30pm. We have a 9 week old baby who fusses and the time he wants to be out is the hardest time for me. It’s around this time that I’m exhausted and wondering how I’ll get through the night as I would have been with the baby all day while he works. I’m also working and stylising during the day aswell as trying to manage housework. He has no idea that bedtime is the hardest time for me and he wants to go out and come home at 10:30pm at the earliest?! We have a dog that will bark which will likely wake me and the baby. He doesn’t usually play this late and I didn’t realise he would be back so late until he told me this eve. I was livid with him and called him selfish. AIBU for saying that he can’t go as it will wake us up and it’s too late?

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 02/12/2025 18:36

He wants to go out for 90 mins? I think YABU. However, I don’t see why he can’t do something before he goes to make things easier for you.

It’s not his fault he had no idea why things are so hard for you. You need to tell him why and where you are struggling.

Blushingm · 02/12/2025 18:36

Is it just tonight or every night?

Oneearringlost · 02/12/2025 18:37

What is 'stylising'?

565OfftoanIsland · 02/12/2025 18:37

YANBU. That time of evening is horrible with a newborn. Every parent knows that, it's not ok at all.

His life has changed. He has a baby. He can't go do stuff he wants, when he wants. He needs to check it works with the family first.

Original poster
Tetchy321 · 02/12/2025 18:38

Studying sorry, autocorrect!

OP posts:
FestiveBauble · 02/12/2025 18:39

Livid is a bit much, unless he’s been out 5 nights a week for the last two months?

Original poster
Tetchy321 · 02/12/2025 18:39

Just tonight

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 02/12/2025 18:39

Wow. I was expecting something like husband wants to go to basket-ball every night until 10:30 pm. Sorry but you are unreasonable. Let him deal with the baby another night while you get to go out/rest. You don't need 2 adults for a baby that's just ridiculous and not very wise- work as a team where you take turns.

blankcanvas3 · 02/12/2025 18:40

I think you’re unreasonable to be annoyed about this unless he wouldn’t allow you to go out for 90 mins whilst he has the baby

565OfftoanIsland · 02/12/2025 18:41

FuzzyWolf · 02/12/2025 18:36

He wants to go out for 90 mins? I think YABU. However, I don’t see why he can’t do something before he goes to make things easier for you.

It’s not his fault he had no idea why things are so hard for you. You need to tell him why and where you are struggling.

My son screamed his head off every night until 11 pm until he was about 3 months old. No amount of prep would have helped. I needed backup. Another pair of hands. He has a NEWBORN. Life stops when you have a newborn to care for. Soon this baby will be going down at 7pm every night, is it too much for a man to NOT play basketball for 3/4 months? Poor man, his hobby may be taking a backseat for a very short amount of time?

And I assume since he's out late and at work all day, he's not helping in the night at all either.

Bitzee · 02/12/2025 18:41

If the baby is 9 weeks old and he’s only talking about being gone for 1.5 hours and would normally be around of an evening then that should be fine. Sounds like you’re struggling with that because of your bigger issue which is that you are working, stylising (whatever that means), looking after the baby and doing the housework during the day. When your baby is only 9 weeks you should be caring for the baby and nothing else. No wonder you’re struggling come the evening. Can you not cut back?

Blushingm · 02/12/2025 18:41

You’re being unreasonable - it’s one evening for 90 minutes

IamnotSethRogan · 02/12/2025 18:45

Yeah honestly I know babies are tough but a bit of give and take with these things is a good thing to build up

Hadenoughcolleague · 02/12/2025 18:46

YABVU, the poor bloke can have 90 minutes to exercise for crying out loud.

sciaticafanatica · 02/12/2025 18:47

Honestly tiredness is clouding your judgement and yabvu

K0OLA1D · 02/12/2025 18:47

Got to say yabu sorry op.

If it was all the time you'd have a point.

DappledThings · 02/12/2025 18:48

Life stops when you have a newborn to care for
I don't agree with the black and whiteness of that statement. It's one night a week and possibly not even that, from some of OP's posts it sounds like it might be a one-off. It's unreasonable for one night to be an issue

565OfftoanIsland · 02/12/2025 18:50

Hadenoughcolleague · 02/12/2025 18:46

YABVU, the poor bloke can have 90 minutes to exercise for crying out loud.

Really? You had 90 minutes to yourself to leave the house, as you pleased, and exercise, in the evening, without even running it by your husband first, when you had a newborn?

Grammarninja · 02/12/2025 18:50

The actual issue here is that you are working, studying, minding a baby and in charge of the house. I'd be irritated by my husband's breathing at this stage. If things were more equal, 90mins at basketball wouldn't be an issue, I assume?

Bluejaysforthewin · 02/12/2025 18:51

Life doesn't stop when you have a newborn it just changes. 90 mins one night a week is reasonable.

FuzzyWolf · 02/12/2025 18:51

565OfftoanIsland · 02/12/2025 18:41

My son screamed his head off every night until 11 pm until he was about 3 months old. No amount of prep would have helped. I needed backup. Another pair of hands. He has a NEWBORN. Life stops when you have a newborn to care for. Soon this baby will be going down at 7pm every night, is it too much for a man to NOT play basketball for 3/4 months? Poor man, his hobby may be taking a backseat for a very short amount of time?

And I assume since he's out late and at work all day, he's not helping in the night at all either.

Show quote history

I had a baby like that as well and I also had two toddlers. I still didn’t mind my husband going out for 90 mins because it wasn’t as if the situation could be much improved with two of us.

The difference here is the OP says they will be woken up when their DH returns so they and the baby will be spending that 90 mins asleep.

Blushingm · 02/12/2025 18:52

565OfftoanIsland · 02/12/2025 18:50

Really? You had 90 minutes to yourself to leave the house, as you pleased, and exercise, in the evening, without even running it by your husband first, when you had a newborn?

Show quote history

Once in 9 weeks though. That’s like 10 minutes per week.

FuzzyWolf · 02/12/2025 18:53

565OfftoanIsland · 02/12/2025 18:50

Really? You had 90 minutes to yourself to leave the house, as you pleased, and exercise, in the evening, without even running it by your husband first, when you had a newborn?

Show quote history

Yes, I did. Most reasonable couples support each other and it’s fine. I think you’re projecting the inadequacies of your own relationship here.

ComfortFoodCafe · 02/12/2025 18:53

90 mins one night a week is reasonable, yabu. You will manage.

RoamingToaster · 02/12/2025 18:53

YANBU - I think if it’s your first and you’re struggling it’s so helpful to both be there. I know people are saying it’s just a little time but I remember how draining it is at that stage. My oldest is 4 and it’s so much easier now.