Husband going to basketball till 10:30pm - We have newborn

[Tetchy321]

My husband wants to go to basketball from 9pm and will get back at 10:30pm. We have a 9 week old baby who fusses and the time he wants to be out is the hardest time for me. It’s around this time that I’m exhausted and wondering how I’ll get through the night as I would have been with the baby all day while he works. I’m also working and stylising during the day aswell as trying to manage housework. He has no idea that bedtime is the hardest time for me and he wants to go out and come home at 10:30pm at the earliest?! We have a dog that will bark which will likely wake me and the baby. He doesn’t usually play this late and I didn’t realise he would be back so late until he told me this eve. I was livid with him and called him selfish. AIBU for saying that he can’t go as it will wake us up and it’s too late?

I actually think you are being the selfish one.

I would be ok with it...

One night? YABU.

I think YABU and I certainly don’t think life stops when you have a new born
It’s good to keep up with friends and hobbies

One of the mum‘s in my baby groups used to say she didnt mind her husband being out all night as long as he was home helping between 6 and 7pm. And I fully understood.

Is this issue that this isnt the normal time he plays? are you thinking it is a possible lie?

Yabu.

My husband used to leave the house at 9pm every night to go to work when DS was this age.

He used to do DS's bath before he went while I had a bit of time to myself. He would also take DS when he got in if he was awake while I had an hour of rest.

It's about team work not being together all the time.

Livid isn't OTT at all.

This father is apparently not aware of what his wife is going through, juggling house work, studying, and caring for a newborn, for the last nine weeks.

He needs to stop playing silly games and start doing his share of parenting.

Lucky you.

The OP's husband has no idea how hard bedtime is for her. He has the time and energy to head out after work to play basketball for an hour and a half while she has spent the day trying to keep the baby happy, probably without a decent night's sleep for the previous nine weeks.

It’s one night!

If he has no idea how hard bedtime is why not? She needs to tell him. Surely he must have some idea if he is usually at home. This isn't about him going out for 90 minutes. It's about what happens the rest of the time.

As someone whos had 3 under 4 i think your being unreasonable its not that long

I feel your pain. 9 weeks of this really feels a lot but it's only for 1.5 hours. Tell him you are sorry.
Also tell him how awful bed times are for you!

Well she hasn't told him. I wouldn't say he had to guess.

Of course. I wasn’t out running at 9 weeks but I had time away.

So basically OP wants him to be a prisoner in his own home, he's not allowed leave the house after a certain time. Any night. For anything.

Some would call that controlling behaviour.

I know it’s tough, but I think a 90 minutes hobby after 9 weeks (I read this as it is just tonight and not regular thing?) is reasonable. Make sure he does bedtime another time solo so that you get some time off as well.

Sorry OP, but I think YABU too, and that comes from someone who really struggled with the newborn stage.

As this is a one off, then he has presumably been there night after night for the last 9 weeks. How can he have no idea ?

How can he 'wake you up as he comes in' if you are struggling with the baby at that time ?

Can you not appreciate the fact he HAS been there for all the evenings for the first 9 weeks rather than those Mums who are on their own regularly (married to shift workers or those who work away from home, etc).

Are you in the UK ? How is it you are back at work already ? But if you are working, how are you also looking after the baby all day ? Why are you studying if you are already having to combine working and looking after a 2month old ?

Don’t see anything wrong with it, if you want to go out tomorrow and let him settle the baby.

My son screamed his head off every night until 11 pm until he was about 3 months old. No amount of prep would have helped. I needed backup. Another pair of hands. He has a NEWBORN. Life stops when you have a newborn to care for. Soon this baby will be going down at 7pm every night,…

Wish my babies were that easy!! They weren’t sleeping through the night until age 3. For 3 years they would get to sleep between 8 and 9, but wake up every 2hrs through the night. I was back working full time at 10 weeks. My husband was taking night classes at university so I worked all day and then had the babies until midnight at a minimum. Life can’t stop when you have a newborn, unless you’re lucky enough to get a baby that sleeps through the night at 3 months!

That would be fair when OP starts doing her share of the working full time outside the home.

I’m sorry OP but I think YABU too. I appreciate how hard it is but the baby is 9 weeks and he’s DH will be out for 90 minutes. It’s not ideal timing but you’ll cope and it’s important both parents keep have sone time for themselves.

Then you are being extremely unreasonable.

9 weeks is starting to have a settled baby really. They aren’t newborn! Only one parent needed really and get bed prep done before he goes out! Yes, babies can be annoying but you could go out too.

How have you gone 9 weeks with him not knowing that this is the hardest time of the day for you?! 63 hard days, and he doesn’t know??

The patriarchy is real with this one. So the woman should stay at home, not work or better herself in anyway, but it’s fine for the husband to go play with a ball, correct?