What marriage mistakes do you see people around you making?

[Brost]

So this is inspired by having spent time with my cousin and her husband this weekend. She’s an overall good person but she can be a little tone deaf re how she treats her husband. For some reason she thinks it’s funny to talk down to him and patronise him. Ie she dropped some packaging on the floor and said “don’t worry Tom will pick that up”. If it was a one off it could be funny. But it’s non stop and almost awkward. Her husband is actually a decent guy. He tolerates it but I just don’t think it’s healthy. People shift uncomfortably when she speaks down to him.

Im not being superior or smug. I’m sure we all have our things which we do that is less than ideal.

It got me thinking what I might have become desensitised to in my marriage. Hoping something someone shares hits home and gives me food for thought. I think sometimes I may not be as engaged as I should. Ie I will have a conversation whilst looking at my mobile.

I think it’s just an easy win for my cousin. I’m all for having a laugh and a bit of banter but she just missed the mark. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.

Do you see similar?

I hope no one sees this as a female bashing thread. It just so happens to be a woman who got me thinking.

i guess im just looking for easy wins. I think we all slip into bad habits in our marriages

everything is completely anonymous…

I think it’s useful to exchange ideas which encourages reflection. I have no idea why people want to live in sanitised vacuums these days. Utterly bizarre.

I feel so sorry for my poor DH, my sex drive was horrendous whilst on the contraceptive injection coupled with studying etc, have since come off the injection and I’m like an entirely different woman and it’s back to normal now

we do stuff together but also maintain our own friends and interests

we have good banter, ribbing each other is our love language

i do a lot more house and kids wise as he works 50+ hours a week and I only do 24, on the weekends he catches up with other house jobs that need done. This works for us as it’s because he works so hard that allows me to work part time whilst the kids are small.

Support each other in our goals, he was my rock when I was studying and long placement hours

we’ve been together 14 years and hopefully will have many more, he’s rough around the edges and people probably look at him weird because of this but I don’t care.

also I agree the amount of weddings I’ve heard of recently where 1,000s of pounds have been spent and then it’s all over shortly after is unreal. We just had a church and village hall wedding as we had no pennies to rub together when we got married, we are much better off now

Sure I can understand what was once desirable about someone is no longer down the track, and yes given time, a trait that might have been ignored or overlooked can become irritating to a partner.

None of us should ever expect to change our spouse just because we have married them.

however I still believe (at least in this example) it’s the influence of the newer friends of one partner that has caused the ‘awakeness’ of unhappiness, and it’s just easier to blame the other’s drinking habits, rather than say I just don’t love him anymore like I used to and that I’ve changed…

it’s also interesting, as a side note, as someone that has known the non drinking partner longer than the spouse, to know there is encouragement from the newbies for them to go after pre marital assets (not uk) and at a time when all the big renovations on their property had been completed. Mrs non drinker also commented to me recently that the property is solely hers, yet I know when they bought it, it was a joint contribution. New friends don’t know this.

anyhow that’s getting away from the gist of why I answered what I did.