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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

999 replies

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:26

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

OP posts:
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Monty34 · 01/12/2025 15:57

I think if you cannot afford to host then don't offer to do it. If you offer but on the proviso that costs are split due to the cost of food then that is fine. And everyone agrees how much or who is bringing what.
What is not fine is to invite everyone then tell them there is a charge. Will you get to see any receipts ? Will you be able to take home a doggy bag? Can you ask for a deduction if something doesn't go right ?
You have to go about it the right way round if wanting a contribution. Asking after invites is not it.

Onlyontuesday · 01/12/2025 15:57

I think you should pay and look to repair the dynamic here. In the Xmas spirit I'd suggest a £30 contribution and a spendy bottle of wine.

If you don't want to hand over £30 I think you need to buy £30 of ingredients, ask her what she needs and from where. Buy the nicest versions available.

Maybe she is a snob, but if she's being expected to host every year I think it's her perogative to decide what's bring served. I personally would be sus of a family member who previously offered quite a cheap contribution bringing a course of a meal I'd spent months planning. If you think she's OTT host next year and show her your way of doing it.

Katie2908 · 01/12/2025 15:57

I would've said, you are not being unreasonable and wtf how can she charge you!

But having hosted this week end my family, its cost us a lot of money and I dont have a lot. So if I was hosting Christmas day, although I wouldnt have it in me to ask, having money towards it would help massively. So if it was me, I would just give the £30. As she probably needs it if shes asking.

Its Christmas, its £30, if you don't have it fair enough. But if you do, you get to enjoy with you family and there could be a reason shes asking. Things have got so expensive nowadays.

Walkerzoo · 01/12/2025 15:57

Can I go to your sister's. I would happily pay that, and I would bring a gift purely for the stress she has with hosting and I would give her and her family lots of Christmas gifts.

She wouldn't have had to ask.....

If you think it is cold stay at home

Original poster
OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

OP posts:
IsItSnowing · 01/12/2025 15:58

Cash isn’t cold. What’s cold is turning up year after year with crackers and wine. £30 is barely a contribution.
Either share the hosting or chip in.

Happyjoe · 01/12/2025 15:58

If does it every year, then yes, pay. She sounds like she likes to do the cooking, so bringing a dish doesn't work for her. It's a strange request but boy, food shopping has shot up so it's understandable.

PauliesWalnuts · 01/12/2025 15:59

We've done it for years - we all pay a tenner a head to whoever is hosting to lighten the load a bit, and guests also bring wine (hosts aren't allowed).

Until my niece moved house I had the biggest table and dining room, but I live alone on a low civil service salary - I wouldn't have been able to host ten adults and pay for it.

Ek1234 · 01/12/2025 15:59

I wouldn't charge family for Christmas dinner personally. We host every year for 14 people, and yes it is pricey, but it's something that we choose to do. In the past my parents used to host, also never charging for dinner, so it's just not something that is usual in our family circle. It wouldn't sit right with me to expect my family to pay to come to ours to eat. As the hosts we're happy to do it. My family will bring a wine/cheese/bottle of fizz etc and that is more than enough for us.

Shmee1988 · 01/12/2025 15:59

If she always hosts and you dont, then really you have very little idea of the true cost of hosting a whole family for Xmas dinner. Its not just a glorifies roast dinner. The meat alone costs a fortune, especially if she does more than one, all the sides and trimmings, multiple puddings, drinks (both soft and alcoholic). The whole thing costs a fortune and I wouldn't dream of attending someone's house for Xmas and not contributing to the cost. She's perfectly reasonable. If you dont like it, decline the invite but itll cost you a heck of alot more than £30. Not to mention the stress of it all. Id pay good money to avoid that alone. YABU

bumblingbovine49 · 01/12/2025 15:59

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:38

She does host every year but that’s only because she lives centrally to everyone so it makes sense. We’ve offered to take side dishes or starters or puddings and she always says no because she wants to do it all herself. She’s lovely, but she is a bit of a snob when it comes to cooking and I’ve always gotten the impression that she feels my efforts are below par. Me and DM often joke that she’s trying to outdo Nigella!! I’d be happy to bring a dish but cash feels cold to me.

I am sorry but you should have offered to contribute. My sister has hosted Christmas a few years in a row for 8-10 people each time. I always ask her what she wants me to bring. It is always something substantial like all of the alchohol and soft drinks (We don't drink a lot of alchol but nonetheless it add up for 10 people and I transfer around £150 to her bank account to contribute to the cost of 3 of us (all adults). I appreciate the fact that she is hosting and I don't want her to be seriously out of pocket, though frankly my contribution certainly won't cover half of her costs to host on Christmas day for 10 people. The turkey alone is about £100

Most of the other attendees bring something small though they don't contribute to the cost.

Shmee1988 · 01/12/2025 16:00

If she always hosts and you dont, then really you have very little idea of the true cost of hosting a whole family for Xmas dinner. Its not just a glorifies roast dinner. The meat alone costs a fortune, especially if she does more than one, all the sides and trimmings, multiple puddings, drinks (both soft and alcoholic). The whole thing costs a fortune and I wouldn't dream of attending someone's house for Xmas and not contributing to the cost. She's perfectly reasonable. If you dont like it, decline the invite but itll cost you a heck of alot more than £30. Not to mention the stress of it all. Id pay good money to avoid that alone. YABU

Nomnomnew · 01/12/2025 16:00

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

Admission payment… you’re sounding really snarky now. You don’t have to go you know…

TheKeatingFive · 01/12/2025 16:00

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

It's still just one bottle of wine which is very tight. C'mon now OP, surely you know that?

Anywherebuthere · 01/12/2025 16:00

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:38

She does host every year but that’s only because she lives centrally to everyone so it makes sense. We’ve offered to take side dishes or starters or puddings and she always says no because she wants to do it all herself. She’s lovely, but she is a bit of a snob when it comes to cooking and I’ve always gotten the impression that she feels my efforts are below par. Me and DM often joke that she’s trying to outdo Nigella!! I’d be happy to bring a dish but cash feels cold to me.

So you all not only take advantage as she lives centrally and its convenient for everyone else, you also think she's a snob and wrong to charge a tiny sum of £30 (personally I wouldn't charge. But she obviously has her reasons for it.)

You take a bottle of wine and crackers which take almost zero effort to buy and think it's enough in return for what she does.

Why don't you just stay home and do your own Christmas or step up and be the host this year instead of complaining.

PorridgeAndSyrup · 01/12/2025 16:00

I don't think contributing cash is cold at all. Neither me nor my parents are very well-off, so whenever we have Christmas at ours, my parents bung me a wad of cash towards the food and drink, and when I go to theirs for Christmas I usually do the big shop on christmas eve (they don't drive and they go halves on it). DH's family have been known to pitch in with money, or people bring significant contributions to the meal (like bringing the turkey, for example). It's often easier if the cook/host buys everything and cooks it on the day though, rather than everyone transporting things, and then wanting their oven dishes back at the end of the day, so I can see why a cash contribution is preferred.

You say she hosts "only because she lives centrally" - well that suggests that perhaps she doesn't do it for her love of hosting, but because she feels like she has to, so yes, I think you should just pay up and enjoy the day!

Marylou2 · 01/12/2025 16:01

I imagine she's hoping you'll tell her to get lost. So she shops, cleans and spends her whole Christmas cooking and everyone else swans in at the last minute with wine that it took them 2 minutes to buy without a care in the world? Not only this but you're joking about her behind her back and calling her a snob. Believe me it'll be nothing compared to what she says about you being a cheeky freeloader.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2025 16:01

I could have guessed you never host from the we being ‘a’ bottle of wine (singular) and some crackers?!? So you always go there and knowing that she’s shelling out probably several hundred pounds to host you all,you think it’s fair to bring what £10 worth of food?!?I am not remotely surprised she’s charging, probably fed up with all you stingy sods! If someone hosts your entire family, you should take several bottles of wine, flowers, and something more substantial than crackers for the table.

BrieAndChilli · 01/12/2025 16:01

In our family when someone hosts the others will throw in some cash - this is because the others will be travelling and staying for a couple of days so it is a contribution to the whole period, the travelling people dont want to have to worry about keeping food cold or upright etc during the travel and are happier to give money than trying to bring stuff with them. The host person can then be confident that they have everything they need rather than running the risk of someone arriving late on xmas eve having forgotten the meat joint of the cranberry sauce and no shops open to run out and replace.
It is not a cold hearted ' you can only come if you pay x amount ' and the host person is making a profit. but rather people just bung whatever contribution they are happy with. Sometimes people might bring an item eg booze or this year MIL is making a game pie for boxing day.
I can guarantee that whatever cash the in-laws give us will not cover even their share of everything I need to buy for the festive period and I would never ask for it.

SockFluffInTheBath · 01/12/2025 16:02

It’s not an ‘admission payment’ though, is it? If she always hosts because it suits everyone to go to her house then maybe she’s fed up at stumping up for a turkey (any idea what they cost?) plus all the trimming while people bring less than £20 of random stuff that may/may not actually help. Maybe you should offer to have everyone to you for a change- free of charge of course.

Pumpkinmagic · 01/12/2025 16:02

Think it’s completely reasonable. We go to my Mum’s every year (2 adults and 1 toddler) We always take our own booze, something for everyone to share ie a large box of nice chocolates or a chocolate Yule log, flowers to thank her for hosting and I always give her £50 towards the cost of food as her and another family take care of the whole shopping list, food shop and food prep. I know I wouldn’t be able to afford to host if no one contributed.

reesewithoutaspoon · 01/12/2025 16:02

I only host for 4 to 6 (not through choice), but my house is the only one suitable. By the time you add in meats/cheeses/crackers/goosefat/ pigs in blankets/veg/deserts/nibbles/wine and spirits, I easily spend £2 to £300.
I also spend days before getting the house and dining room ready, including all the shopping, cleaning, prepping, and cooking.
It's bloody hard work, and it's expensive. Just give your sister £30 and be grateful you just get to turn up to a nice house and a cooked meal.

BakedAl · 01/12/2025 16:02

I can understand why she would ask for cash, rather than a dessert or starter. I asked my parents to bring dessert for a few years but it was always quite cheap and tasteless,.or something the kids wouldn't eat, so I would rather buy a nice one myself.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 01/12/2025 16:02

I don’t see it as ‘charging’ - I see it as contributing.
She’s not going to be making a profit.

there’s 13 of us in my family bubble, made of 3 families. Getting full Christmas dinner, drinks, nibbles, crackers and things to graze on in the evening would cost a fortune.
rather than one family scrimping, we do a shop together (not all 13 😂) and split it between us.

BeenChangedForGood · 01/12/2025 16:03

To be honest, I think it’s terrible that she’s had to ask for money towards it rather than you offering. Hosting Christmas is bloody expensive! Different if you each took year about hosting and footing the bill but it shouldn’t always be her paying for it all just because of the location of her house!

If I was in her position I also wouldn’t want people bringing side dishes etc on the day - I know what space I have, my timings for everything and I just prefer to know that I have all things in hand.

Don’t pay the £30 and stay home and prep your own Christmas dinner if it bothers you but I guarantee you’ll be a lot more than £30 🫠