to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

We had to pay to go to SIL (£50 a head) and then 2 days before said we needed to bring the starters and desserts (we didn’t because we already purchased some extra things). She then served a tiny dinner and kept it all to serve her family the next day. She wouldn’t have charged them..

I wouldn’t ask.

but one year we hosted the whole extended family and it really did cost and absolute packet and that was pre Covid.

not unreasonable to ask.

You host everyone attending and pay for it all then… it’ll cost you more than £30 for each person of your family.

You are either making this up or haven’t hosted Christmas since a Turkey was £15.

We divvy up the meal between all of us, one person providing the cheese course, another the starter, someone else the dessert etc etc. It works out well and means no-one is seriously out of pocket. We also take it in turns to host Christmas,

I've hosted for years without asking for any contributions at all...small family and it's still i reckon around £300 to cover everything. Have you just expected your sister to shell out that much?
I've asked to split the costs this year as changed circumstances mean I don't have access to that amount of money

£30 a head or for everyone? I think it's tacky as fuck either way to be honest, I'm surprised at so many people thinking it's fine and normal to bill your family for Christmas dinner.

Unless she hosts every year and none of you ever have and/or she's in some financial difficulties (in which case there's a less tacky way to ask for help) I think she's BU.

You sound very mean - how many is she feeding and hosting. £30 contribution sounds very good value. The meat alone will cost much more. Why don’t you offer to provide the meat or all the starters? Going to someone else’s for Christmas Day I would expect to take 3 or 4 bottles of wine and a couple of bottles of champagne and flowers 💐 and chocolates 🍫 for the host.
Perhaps you could host everyone at yours ?

My turkey is £90 and that’s not a huge one! Why don’t you offer to pay for the turkey or do the pudding? Wine and biscuits? Tight or what?

Put another way, why should she cover everything?

She does host every year but that’s only because she lives centrally to everyone so it makes sense. We’ve offered to take side dishes or starters or puddings and she always says no because she wants to do it all herself. She’s lovely, but she is a bit of a snob when it comes to cooking and I’ve always gotten the impression that she feels my efforts are below par. Me and DM often joke that she’s trying to outdo Nigella!! I’d be happy to bring a dish but cash feels cold to me.

I think contributing money is similar to contributing a dessert or starter. It’s just she will buy and organise everything at one place.
I think a lot depends on circumstances and how she said it.

A bottle of wine and some crackers doesn't add much to Christmas dinner! We go to my sister's, we buy the turkey and ham beforehand and bring cocktails and chocolates on the day. She has the whole burden of prepping, cooking and doing the rest of the shopping.

She would never charge but DH and I are very appreciative and want to make a decent contribution.

When did you last host the whole family for Christmas?

Depends how she asked, and who usually hosts

How much do you think it costs to host Christmas every year OP?

You go there because she lives most centrally… so she funds Christmas every year, for everyone?

I don’t believe the OP is real.

You're a CF

Im going to my sisters for dinner this year. So far I’ve brought the turkey, pigs in blankets, stuffing balls, and sauces, I’ve also offered to pick up deserts nearer the time so all they need to get is the vegetables. (They always have lots of drink in that time of year as her and her partner are in jobs where they get a lot of Christmas tips in the form of alcohol, chocolate, biscuits etc) and will offer to help cook.

Hosting is really hard work. As a pp said it’s not just the cooking it’s the moving furniture around to accommodate, the clearing up after and the general ‘hostess’ vibe you have to keep going all day long.
id happily pay £30 x

I am Australian (though live in the UK) and we always had a 'per head' cost.

Usually a huge seafood buffet with lobster and prawns etc. I am 52 and recall it being $20 a head when I was a teenager. Always seemed fair enough to me- Christmas costs a bomb. And if you think a bottle of wine (tenner at best) and some crackers (4 at best) covers your share, then you are a CF to my mind.

A bottle of wine and some crackers is a tenner.

It doesn't touch the hundreds of pounds it takes to host on Xmas day.

Every year we host, usually between 12-12 people, and we spend at least 500 by the time we add on meat and alcohol.

You sound selfish and entitled.

People are struggling.

Have some class and cough up, and ffs turn up with more than a bottle of chardonnay and some cheese melts!

Go cost up a Christmas dinner, properly. Using current prices.

It’s mighty expensive to do ‘the works’ and prohibitively so for many to host if it’s all out of their pocket.

If it’s an issue to you, suggest that rather than people bringing odd bits and duplication that one person does the full shop and splits the costs out for everything.

I think she’s probably worded it terribly- asking to bring food is much more polite. Even asking for help with the shop comes off much nicer than “charging”.

Charging is just terrible in my opinion but being unable to comfortably afford it makes sense.

For me splitting the cost feels completely fair but I wouldn't attend if I was being charged per head. It's really down to what you prefer and what the family usually does, if nobody ever contributes year after year I understand why she would get tired of that and ask for something to put towards the cost.

I’d say it’s poor form not to offer to pay something..that she has had to ask instead

You have seen the cost of food now haven’t you ? The cost of living is affecting everyone. Pay up or do your own or pay £50-£80 a head in a pub !!! You’re getting a bargain . Why are there so many cfs arounf atm when it comes to Xmas dinner .

Why not offer to host? Or you could offer to order the turkey for her if cash feels too cold?

I've spent £125 just on my turkey.