to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

How many of you go to her house for dinner? Christmas dinner is incredibly expensive! We bring our own veggie roast to my mums, usually a good few bottles of wine/fizz, christmas crackers (the pulling type) and various edible bits I see in the run up to Christmas or that she asks me to pick up. We spend a huge amount more than £30 towards the 3 of us coming, doing xmas dinner is really expensive. The money is likely that she is fed up of taking on the whole cost. Honestly bringing a bottle of wine between a whole family is an incredibly small contribution!

I'll take chocolates and a poinsettia too if she's that good a cook 😂

I wouldn't charge. I think it's in bad taste. However I would ask people to bring more than a single bottle of wine and some crackers, e.g. someone brings dessert, someone brings a side dish

My mother split the Christmas food bill between myself and my sisters when my Dad died. She’s not skint by any means and my sister cooked. My Dad would never ‘charge’ us. Caused a family rift. Ideally if you can afford it, and you’re inviting you should not charge family.

Your turn then.

We take turns hosting - so one family saves a little bit in travel but has the big cost of hosting. Family bring extras - but nothing that is vital to the meal because it is a major pain in the butt waiting for ingredients to arrive, especially as delays are common.

It is not fair for one person to bear this huge cost, no matter how convenient it is for others.

The other thing I hear is 'our house is too small' - better a squeeze/ several tables or dinner on trays that one person feeling badly treated by their own family.

Food is very very expensive nowadays and a £30 contribution per family to a high quality, big meal is not much at all. She isn't 'charging' you, she's asking to share the cost of the ingredients. The labour and the love are all hers still.

For our meat it’s cost us £100, add on table decs, crackers, starter, dessert, veg, why would you not be offering any money towards it anyway? We split the cost of meat with whoever is attending, I don’t mind making it all and getting it in but if someone just brought me a bottle of wine and some shitty crackers I’d be so offended 😂 bet you sit on your arse and do nothing but he waited on hand and foot too. There are definitely two types of people on Christmas Day!

But surely family shouldn’t take the piss out of other family members, who foot the bill and the work every year?

That’s just being a massive CF.

Maybe she wants to do it herself and is a bit of a snob but in ordering everything herself, she knows what fridge space she has and how that works with her cooking times.

Taking a bottle of wine and some crackers is so cheap of you. Even if you’re splurging on nice wine and crackers, you’re still spending less than £40 but expecting a full meal. This is a meal for presumably 10 (+) people, so the meat alone is going to be over £100.

You travel to somewhere that is centrally located. You get all your food cooked for you. Presumably to quite a high standard. Your kids get to play with their cousins. So if that isn’t worth £30, stay home and do your own. It’ll cost you more than £30 though.

I think it’s chavvy to charge people. If you can’t afford to host then don’t or set up a family chat weeks in advance and distribute the costs - someone orders/pays for the meat, someone else all the veg/dessert etc etc.

OP, regardless of everything, a bottle of wine and a box of crackers is a bit of a shit contribution, no?

Cash is way easier as a host, and a guest. We always offer to kick in when we go elsewhere, especially as she is only hosting to convenience you all.

Very much depends on sister's financial situation.
If she isn't wealthy, I understand why she is requesting a contribution.
Festive food etc is very expensive

You sound very greedy OP
You should offer more than €30 and buy her a nice Christmas gift too.
She is going to a lot of time and expense to make memories for her ungrateful family.

Hosting Christmas is very expensive. I’d happily pay up. In fact, this year my sister is coming to us and is insisting on paying for most of it. She’s so happy she doesn’t have to cook and she knows we’re struggling a bit financially at the moment. I did say there’s no need, but she genuinely is happy to, so it’s a win for all!

I mean she's doing all the cleaning, shopping, cooking, serving etc and she's only asking for £30 and that covers your kids too. Sounds like a good deal to me.

Well you could always stay home with your bottle of wine and crackers and save yourself £30

TBH i don't like my family much and certainly am not fond of spending a precious Christmas day with them. So yes I'd charge. Not least because I have a CF aunt who has a habit of pocketing little trinkets she likes the look of, and who when caught out says it's because we are 'rich' compared to her and she wants to 'even things up a bit'. (NB- this is not a joke).

I'm less likely to charge friends- but nor would any of my friends be such arseholes as to expect a full Christmas dinner for the cost of a bottle of wine and some jacobs crackers.

I’d pay it and still bring your regular things then in the New Year ask if you can contribute more food next year or buy the mains for her to cook. As I said up thread I do think charging is awful but she’s doing her best

Seems more than fair. Christmas dinner costs a fortune. All you turn up with is a bottle or wine and crackers. Unless you're gonna drip feed that it's a £150 bottle of wine....

Is that for your whole family? If so I would bite her hand off and wire the money in a heartbeat!

I pay for the food at Xmas at my mums house - I'm £150 and that's just ingredients no alcohol (my mum buys the drinks).

It costs a lot it's unreasonable for you to expect such a big meal for free each year just because. If you don't want to pay don't go and sort your own out!

This thread comes up every year.

Like so many other questions that are regulars on MN, it is all about the communication.

Inviting someone to something, then presenting them with a bill afterwards that there had been no mention of before is utterly wrong.

Equally, expecting one family to host every year - to do all the work before, during and after the event, and be expected to pick up the bill for what sounds like a lot of people ("all the cousins, grandparents" and one presumes OPs siblings / sibling inaws) is also very wrong.

Only hearing it from the OP's stance, it is possible that your sister might have done better to communicate this better..... maybe last year when you were all thanking her for her hard work, she could have mentioned then how they can't really afford to pay for everything as well as host each year, she could have said "Look, I see traveling wise it makes sense for everyone to come to us, but that is impacting us a lot on the cost, so maybe next year we can work out an approx cost per head / or per family and everyone contributes more fairly?" type conversation. BUT why haven't you, your parents, and other siblings been offering that in the first place if you always go there ?

YABU.

If all you usually bring is wine and crackers and expect a three course meal for four people, I'm not surprised she's charging you this time!

I'm hosting, and happy to do so. But all I'm doing is the main course, it's still expensive and lots of effort. DSis is bringing all starters, DParents bringing all desserts, and Mil is bringing wines and cheeseboard (not just the crackers 😂).

If it’s for the whole family I’d say fair enough. There’s no way you could pay for your own ingredients and make it at home for a family at that price, not with drinks and dessert and such anyway.

Times are hard, perhaps she’s tired of always stumping up the cost. Yes you bring one bottle of wine each year and some cheese but depending on how many she’s cooking for, I’d imagine she pays hundreds to feed you all.

I think the issue is partly because it wasn’t discussed, my sister had offered to cook at mothers house. we arrived and she pulled the receipt out and told us all how much the food cost and lets split it between us. It was not extravagant, but i just couldn’t imagine inviting someone and then saying ‘it will be this much please’. I would either pre discuss not being able to afford it and needing to split bill, or I would cook what I could afford because for me spending time with my family is way more important than an expensive meal.