to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

I was just pointing out that her sister, by OP’s own admission is serving up a top-notch quality dinner. It will cost many times more than what it is possible to make a cheap lunch from. OP has obviously set out to deliberately find the cheapest possible components to theoretically make the lunch, and then goes on to say that her family’s £30 contribution would “more than cover it”. But she’s comparing apples with pears.

I wasn’t casting aspersions upon anybody who can’t afford an expensive meal, and I apologise if that’s how it came across.

@OneTicketForChristmasDinner Sorry you are feeling that people have been too critical but I have to say, £30 is nothing and I'd be happy to pay especially if she's hosted every year.

In our family we have always split it up so someone does the turkey, someone else the potatoes and veg and the third one puddings.

Regardless, other family would often say 'no need to bring anything' and I would still ALWAYS bring more than wine (and crackers). Not everyone is a wine snob and if someone else hosted Xmas we would always bring 1 red, 1 white, 1 sparkling as well as chocolates and savoury snacks plus probably a flower (e.g. Amaryllis or Hyacinths).

Hosting a family for Christmas dinner is very, very expensive and tiring. You're lucky she's interested in making it a bit special with her efforts.

Your cool that sounds like my family too.

But we've given up the physical fight and gone digital - how much? And wire the cash. Job done.

£30 per family is reasonable for Christmas dinner and when someone else is hosting. Whether you prefer simple dinners or not Christmas is generally a little more special. In our family our grandparents bought the turkey 🦃 as part of our Christmas present.
You are at someone else’s home for good portion of the day too. Christmas dinner for a family is one thing but is there are extended family there it adds another level too.
Depending on the number of people the price of a fresh turkey can now be £100.
not forgetting drinks, nibbles, crackers etc all the little things add up. A packet of crackers is about £15.
Every one bringing a dish doesn’t always work out either. If she is cooking and hosting and happy to, brilliant but yes, financial contribution would be appreciated at an already expensive time of year. X

This 100%. That's what I would do to, really asking and suggesting specific things I could do/contribute.

Since when do Catholics not drink? We love a good piss up! Including the priests!

Have they offered to contribute?

I think it's fair enough to say with the cost of living, you are finding it tough to pay for everything and would like a contribution of £xx per person or per family. I hate that people take advantage like this.

That’s exactly the spirit especially at Christmas. Sharing and loving each other and generosity not being one sided.
We are known for being feeders, you don’t leave our home without being full of very good food. If we have friends over we would never think to ask them to bring anything or offer money although our friends very often think to bring something. We enjoy it and can afford to occasionally.
However, even we would feel offended if family came for Xmas year after year having all agreed that this is where we’ll gather, and not offer to contribute to the cost of the food.
I probably would have to raise the cost issue and say that it’s become too expensive to host every year and see how people respond.

Haha love it, it's the same in our family.

You don't need to name change, I suspect this will be happening in a lot of families 😂

I think its disgraceful and I wouldn't pay, everyone is doing this heard it a lot. Stay home, the children can see their family some other time.

So she does all the preparation, shopping cooking, paying and presumably cleaning. While you bring crackers.

Seems like a pretty sweet deal for your family. Why don’t you just cough up the 30 quid and be grateful?

You say that like you think the sister is doing it for profit. Why should she be stuck with the entire cost of Christmas dinner?

This thread is really grinding my gears now. I never had any idea there were so many people happy to co-opt concepts such as culture, tradition and family to try and guilt a free feed-up out of their nearest and dearest. Depressing.

(ETA: forgot to quote, but that was for @NatalieW1907 )

But isn't the sister saying can everyone chip in? She's suggested £30.

I've not seen the OP mention how many that's for but I think it's two adults and more than one child.

I host.

If I don't I take a couple of bottles of champagne, a couple of red and a couple of white plus soft drinks for the kids and maybe some Bailey's. We are usually 6 adults plus kids.

30 quid contribution isn't a lot and if someone feels the need to ask I would assume THEY NEED THE MONEY

But it’s a problem when her DS cooks decent food? Her DH is a wine buff, but the DS is a food snob?

You can also bring a case of decent wine, one bottle between the three that drink it is mean.

Because her DPs would be shocked if they drank more? Why not then bring some more bottles for the DS to enjoy when the freeloaders have gone home?

If you prefer your Christmas dinner so much, and have such an issue with your sister's extravagant version (it's Christmas, for god's sake, literally the best time of year to be extravagant!), then why not stay at home and cook it for your family? Your kids will have other opportunities over the holidays to get together with family, and you obviously have such a big issue with your sister's dinner because you keep coming back and adding other reasons as to why it's so unacceptable. I find your Christmas dinner (based on your shop) basic, other people might find MY Christmas dinner basic, but the point is, who cares? You do what you want for Christmas and let your sister do what she wants for Christmas.

It’s not really just a Catholic thing
Some Catholic’s take the pledge but it’s quite outdated. As I mentioned upthread I have a cousin that took it ( but I have hundreds of cousins that didn’t )

Heres the history

• Temperance movement: Taking the pledge was a central practice of the temperance movement, which aimed to reduce alcohol consumption.
• Religious inspiration: Many pledges were religiously motivated, with organizations like the Pioneer Total Abstinence Association in Ireland having deep roots in the Catholic Church.
• Early origins: The practice dates back to the 19th century, with figures like Joseph Livesey drafting pledges for abstinence in 1832.
• Family and community: Pledges were also a way to create a culture of sobriety, especially to protect children from the perceived dangers of alcohol.

That's the spirit of Christmas!

There is a cost of living crisis going on!! It is not surprising that she is asking for contributions. It is all well and good saying you don't turn up empty-handed but the cost of providing Christmas dinner for everyone far exceeds the cost of a bottle of wine and crackers! People forget all the extra costs involved e.g. tin foil, oil for cooking, napkins, soft drinks for those not drinking, nibbles, energy costs for cooking . . . .etc. Be kind - pay up - say 'Thank you' and enjoy the fact that you have family to spend Christmas with!

She wouldn’t afford to do it less than £30 for all of them 😆😆😆

As I dont have anyone to spend xmas with it was my advice, as I never had to pay before. The spirit of xmas your right. Pay up and be thankful you have company.

Ok to buy shit cheap food, but your DH the wine buff can spend ££££ on a bottle of wine?

Your food list looks awful!!

Cheap frozen turkey
Yuke Log

🤮

And this is the other thing! I think OP knows exactly what she's doing with her wine and crackers.

Is she charging your parents as well, if so do you know how much? I wouldn't charge for Christmas dinner but I got so annoyed about 7 years ago that I stopped inviting anyone as there were no reciprocal invites, we had the least amount of money and the smallest home but entertaining the family always fell on me because the others don't like cooking. I told my parents people would only be invited of we had an invite to theirs through the year, 7 years later we haven't had an invite from anyone

In theory, yes I think she’s well within her rights to ask for a contribution. Food is very expensive, especially Christmas food, and it sounds like she’s catering for a lot of people! In practice, I don’t think I could actually ask someone for a financial contribution, so I do understand that you feel a bit awkward. In my family, we all contribute by bringing different parts of the meal - I don’t think a bottle of wine and some crackers is enough personally as there’s still going to be a lot more to buy for the big day. Could you offer to bring more pieces of the meal? Or a supermarket voucher towards the cost of everything?