Page 6 | to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

Hotchocolateandsnowing · 01/12/2025 16:03

I don’t like people asking for money, I would much rather they asked for prepped roast potatoes, cheese, bread, any pre-made food etc and drinks.

There’s something about asking for money that just makes me feel a bit off. Split up the food asks more equally.

MrsPositivity1 · 01/12/2025 16:04

You’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast as long as you were all together.

Oh no you wouldn’t

KetchUpWithEverythingPls · 01/12/2025 16:04

£30 pp or per family?

Whatwouldnanado · 01/12/2025 16:04

So pay up this time and offer to have everyone round to yours next year and ask everyone toagree to bring pre made starters, desserts, cheeseboard table crackers and alcohol.
I host our family between Christmas and New Year and wouldn’t dream of asking for money. People do bring wine, flowers, homemade cake truffles etc and it’s lovely .

CoastalCalm · 01/12/2025 16:04

You take one bottle of wine which is presumably drunk by you and your husband during the meal and some crackers ? It’s usual to take a gift for the hosts both these are items that you will consume as part of the meal so I’d say it’s very reasonable for her to ask for a contribution

Anyahyacinth · 01/12/2025 16:04

Do you take in turns, have you hosted the same group? If not its a token...can't be near what its actually costing her 🎄

Goditsmemargaret · 01/12/2025 16:05

Crackers and a bottle of wine? Yabvvu. Just pay the 30 euro and don't be such an ungrateful sod.

ParmaVioletTea · 01/12/2025 16:06

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:26

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

YABU for utter meanness.

I think it's cheap to charge but on the other hand, YABU. Totally - to bring your family (you mention "children" so I assume you have more than one) and you bring just one bottle of wine & some crackers?

You are so so mean & stingy.

Unless this is a reverse.

Frugalgal · 01/12/2025 16:06

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:26

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Good luck getting your Christmas dinner at home any cheaper! It's perfectly reasonable for her to charge that amount it will be costing her a fortune..plus she has to do all the hard work.

You should be grateful, not moaning.

Nevernonono · 01/12/2025 16:06

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

Yeah I can see why you’re not trusted to bring dishes.

pinkduckk · 01/12/2025 16:07

It won't have come out the blue for her i bet...speaking personally it's come from absolute financial stress wondering how the hell youre going to make it through December while your family pitch up and expect a massive Christmas dinner that you cant afford to buy this year

Imisscoffee2021 · 01/12/2025 16:07

I guess it's a bit of a faux pas to request money however with the cost of food now especially christmas dinner food, meat etc, I'd struggle to host a huge family gathering and not spend an eye watering amount. If its £30 for your family not pp its a bargain tbh and I think perhaps she shouldn't have even had to ask in these expensive times, and if you can't ask your nearest and dearest then who can you.

TheatricalLife · 01/12/2025 16:07

"Admission charge" -like she's making any profit from a meagre £30 for a family 😂.
You have two choices. Don't be a massive tight arse and pay or stay at home and cater for yourself.

itsthetea · 01/12/2025 16:07

One bottle of wine - so cover what you and DH drink perhaps assuming one of you is driving and the kids pop is “free”

crackers ..but no cheese ?!?

save the £30 and do your own dinner ( chuckles quietly )

PorridgeAndSyrup · 01/12/2025 16:08

"It is not a cold hearted ' you can only come if you pay x amount ' and the host person is making a profit."

Exactly, it's more like "WE are having this meal together, it just so happens that it has to be at your house due to location, but we're a family and it's a joint endeavour for us all to enjoy, so let's all pitch in equally". As opposed to "Sister, you live in the middle, so go out and buy us a whole load of expensive food, cook it for us, and let us sit on your sofa enjoy it and don't complain." To be honest OP, I think the way you do it currently is way colder!

Dilysthemilk · 01/12/2025 16:08

Hosting is really hard work, and costs much more than £30! My older brother and I typically trade off each year, but last year and this our parents are now too frail to travel. Instead we both hired places close by and brought all the food with us. He did the veg in his and we did the meat in ours, and then met up with it all at our parents to serve. We do have another (younger) sibling who rocked up, announced they were staying at the parents house (cost free!) and brought pricely zero food with them! We just raise our eyebrows at this point, but we definitely notice! This year we were starting to divvy up tasks and our sibling suddenly offered a contribution, I guess the penny dropped!

Brefugee · 01/12/2025 16:08

Stay home with your wine snob husband and whatever you want to eat and let your sister do her thing.

You don't host - but you're happy to take a bottle of plonk (who cares how expensive it was) and a box of crackers? She does right to ask for money, she should have been doing it for years.

HeadyLamarr · 01/12/2025 16:08

asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable.

What's you've missed, @OneTicketForChristmasDinner , is that not offering to contribute towards the cost of a very expensive meal is completely unacceptable.

You've been leeching off your poor sister for 4 or 5 years while mocking her hard work with your mum. If I were her I'd tell you where to stick you box of crackers and not bother inviting you again.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2025 16:09

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

So for at least 6 adults you bring ONE bottle of wine for the turkey?!? Ffs, that’s not even a whole glass each.

ParmaVioletTea · 01/12/2025 16:09

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

You're really not covering yourself in glory here ... One bottle of "the good stuff" for what - 4 or 5 people? Mean. Stingy.

And it sounds like you don't like your sister much - "main character syndrome" ? Well, everyone is entitled to feel they're the main character. She is the main character in her own life.

Or do you think that's your role, turning up to Christmas dinner with your incredibly generous bounty of ONE bottle of wine?

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 01/12/2025 16:09

i can’t believe that you’d go to your sisters else’s house every year and eat their food only to sound so ungrateful and make fun of her.

On hearing that she’s after £30, my first thought would be worry that their financial position has changed, not that they are a cheeky fucker.

And I’m with your sister on the people bringing food. To spend hours and hours cooking, and someone say they will bring a pudding and it be an Tesco cheesecake is frustrating and I’d rather they didn’t bring it. Bringing a bottle of wine doesn’t cover anything because you have to buy it anyway on the assumption it doesn’t show up.

I am not personally charging my family, but I might if I was ALWAYS the host.

DarkPassenger1 · 01/12/2025 16:10

Tricky one, dependent on family culture. Personally I appreciate when guests offer to chip in but I would never accept. But then we're lucky enough to be able to afford hosting without any financial strain. Not that we're wealthy but we can afford to host without issue.

On the other hand, hosting is a lot of stress, and can cost hundreds. And the hosts spend a lot of time and energy cooking, cleaning and so forth. So I feel it's polite to offer. And I always would as a guest. And I wouldn't mind someone accepting the offer.

The cost though... £30 a head is massive. That's frankly ridiculous. I think £20 per head is generous. £10 per head reasonable.

MaplePumpkin · 01/12/2025 16:10

I think it depends how it came about that she is the host. Does she do it every year?

I think if she is happy to host and offers to host and wants to host, then she’s cheeky.
If it’s just ended up being dumped on her each year because she has the most space or is the best cook, and she just feels lumbered with it, then fair play to her.

I personally don’t think I could ever ask family for money. I’d rather delegate who can bring what offerings. This year my partner and I are hosting my parents and brother. My brother has ordered the pigs in blankets from a butchers and will do the potatoes. Mum is bringing the Turkey. We are doing the festive breakfast, veg, stuffing, cheese board and desert. I’d rather do this than get it all myself and send them a bill.

Hollowvoice · 01/12/2025 16:11

It's not "charging", it's asking you to contribute in a way that works for her as host/cook.
We've hosted for the last few years, last year BIL wanted to contribute some of the elements, as in bring and also cook them.
Honestly it was more stressful having someone else in the kitchen at the key "get stuff on the table" time. It would definitely have been easier if he'd bunged me £30 and let me get on with it.

Knittedfairies2 · 01/12/2025 16:11

You need to reframe this; she's not charging you, but splitting the cost.