Page 37 | to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 2025-12-01T15:26:14+00:00

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Aluna · 02/12/2025 15:33

Tesco Yule log and trifle?? I can see why she won’t let you bring dessert.

That is a very depressing Christmas meal.

Why is cheap UPF “good and honest”? It’s just not very nice.

KmcK87 · 02/12/2025 15:34

Clearly in the minority but I feel it’s in very poor taste to offer to host and then charge for it. I would never charge my family, however if money was tight I would simply not offer to host.

Lifestooshort71 · 02/12/2025 15:35

You've seen how your post is generally being received and are trying to gain ground by costing out her Christmas and having a little dig at regifted presents - all getting a bit childish now so, yes, perhaps it's time to let it be.

Pancakeflipper · 02/12/2025 15:36

@OneTicketForChristmasDinner

I agree with you. Time to step away now you are at the stage of creating pretend Christmas Dinners.

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 02/12/2025 15:36

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 21:25

And yes, my grandparents were pioneer pin bearers. I assumed that it was fairly well known but maybe it’s more niche than I realised. I assumed that (like with contraception) younger catholics just didn’t pay it much mind, not that they didn’t know about it. I might make a point to go to church on Sunday to ask around to see if people know about the Pioneers.

I have a cousin who’s a pioneer. He’s about 70ish now
The only one in a massive family ( think hundreds and hundreds of cousins)
Its heard of but rare
Even my grandads generation took the pledge in small numbers and they were usually the super religious.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 15:40

KmcK87 · 02/12/2025 15:34

Clearly in the minority but I feel it’s in very poor taste to offer to host and then charge for it. I would never charge my family, however if money was tight I would simply not offer to host.

Agree. My toes curl at the notion of charging my sister for a meal.

If the "host" wanted to make it a communal effort, asking for cash three weeks before Christmas is a crass way to do so. She could have sent a message some weeks ago saying "Looking forward to seeing everyone on the day. It's all becoming a bit much for me, though. Could we make this a pot luck instead? Let me know if you would like to provide the vegetables, the salad, the mash or the wine. I will provide the turkey and the venue."

Aluna · 02/12/2025 15:40

Scottishskifun · 02/12/2025 15:33

OP in the nicest possible way your shop is missing more then the veg for comparison. You have no starter, no nibbles, no chestnuts, no bacon. No oil, butter, stock, turkey foil. You would struggle to feed 6 adults with that size triffle etc etc.

I don't buy the fanciest of ingredients but my shop is at £150.

£30 for Christmas Dinner for a family of 4 is low in comparison.
Honestly next year why don't you host and decline your sisters invite?!

Edited

Let alone bread, milk & cream for bread sauce, cranberry sauce, or Christmas pudding and brandy sauce.

It’s basically just an ordinary shop + a factory farmed turkey.

BeWittyRobin · 02/12/2025 15:42

I think it’s more than reasonable. Xmas dinner is expensive when what seems like they are hosting a large amount of people. I’m sorry crackers and some wine 🙈😂 I don’t think that is a free pass for not contributing if they so wish to ask for £30 to feed your family Xmas dinner. I personally wouldn’t charge but in all honestly that’s because we are already a family of 10 so already cooking for a large amount, what’s a few more for my household but Xmas dinner and hosting is expensive.

phantomofthepopera · 02/12/2025 15:43

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 02/12/2025 15:17

I’ve also been on Tesco online and added the things to make a Christmas lunch. I’ve not added the veg and potatoes because they’re always 7p on the week so adding another £5 max for that, but the roast, puds (trifle for the adults, chocolate for the kids) and cheese (minus the crackers) and drinks. It might not be totally right because pack sizes have changed so much and I’d need to go to the shop myself to see if it was right and I need to add more of anything in, but including extra for the veg it’s about £80 for everyone. Probably would need to see what sister and husband want to drink, but my parents mostly drink cups of tea and the odd glass of ginger ale, and I’m boring and only drink water!

It’s not as fancy as the farm shop turkeys and hand made apricot stuff that other posters have but it makes a good honest Christmas dinner and the large turkey should be enough for 6 adults and the kids who barely eat their dinner because they’ve raided their selection boxes!! But from my perspective, £30 is a really decent contribution to a Christmas dinner and I think a lot of the extra costs come in from the fact that she wants to make everything extra fancy, not because it needs too.

With respect, looking at the cheap processed crap in that basket, you may as well go the whole hog and get a few chicken dinner microwave meals from Heron Foods and get the bill below 20 quid.

Aluna · 02/12/2025 15:43

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 15:40

Agree. My toes curl at the notion of charging my sister for a meal.

If the "host" wanted to make it a communal effort, asking for cash three weeks before Christmas is a crass way to do so. She could have sent a message some weeks ago saying "Looking forward to seeing everyone on the day. It's all becoming a bit much for me, though. Could we make this a pot luck instead? Let me know if you would like to provide the vegetables, the salad, the mash or the wine. I will provide the turkey and the venue."

Show quote history

My toes curl at the notion of my sister hosting year on year and no-one in the family offering to contribute & pitching up with 1 bottle of wine.

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 02/12/2025 15:47

I really think OP if your sister is happy to host you all then what she cooks is entirely up to her. I find it rude to slag off her passion for cooking and her desire to make it special in her way
Im sure £30 doesn’t even come close to the actual cost of what you will be getting.

If I was invited to a relatives every year I would want to make a substantial donation and be glad if someone actually took the stress from me and asked for £30. Meanwhile I’d also want to provide something extra for all the hard work they have taken away from me.

Honestly OP if you want to have exactly what you want at Christmas host yourself or go to a restaurant.

tinyspiny · 02/12/2025 15:53

KmcK87 · 02/12/2025 15:34

Clearly in the minority but I feel it’s in very poor taste to offer to host and then charge for it. I would never charge my family, however if money was tight I would simply not offer to host.

This is exactly how I feel . As it is we host Christmas Eve which is a buffet and another sister hosts Christmas Day .

MarymaryquiteC · 02/12/2025 15:54

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 21:19

I do like my sister, very much, we are a close family. I take umbrage with posters painting me as a villain and her as a victim, it’s really not the case. The facts are -

She has hosted Christmas for many years and refused every single one of my many offers to contribute dishes.
I contributed the permitted items of wine and crackers, few as they are.
She enjoys hosting and cooking.
She would not be prepared to have Christmas dinner at mine or even our parents (until the time comes that they are too elderly to make the journey).
I paid the money requested and said nothing to her or other family members about it.
I find the making of our family time transactional cold.

That doesn’t mean that she’s not a wonderful sister and we’re a close family, which I why I paid with no complaint to her.

It's not cold to ask you to pay for the food you and your family will consume. 30 wouldn't begin to cover it by the sounds of things. She does this every year!?

May I ask who does the washing up?

nomas · 02/12/2025 15:55

KmcK87 · 02/12/2025 15:34

Clearly in the minority but I feel it’s in very poor taste to offer to host and then charge for it. I would never charge my family, however if money was tight I would simply not offer to host.

It's fine if you make it clear from the offset, which is what the host is doing. The host isn't demanding £30 at the door.

OP can always decline, it's an invitation, not a summons (tinkly laugh blah blah).

Horsemadlady1234 · 02/12/2025 15:55

£30 seems very fair tbh. Have you been before and not offered to contribute if so there’s your answer. A bottle of wine and cheese doesn’t come close to the cost of a big dinner.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 15:55

Aluna · 02/12/2025 15:43

My toes curl at the notion of my sister hosting year on year and no-one in the family offering to contribute & pitching up with 1 bottle of wine.

Show quote history

I would have taken substantial contributions every year, too, but reducing it to a cash transaction so that Sister can maintain total control is tacky.

Becs51 · 02/12/2025 15:56

Here’s a suggestion. Why don’t you host her? Just because you can do Christmas for £80 why should she? If she’s shopping, cooking and hosting she can have what she likes and if you don’t like it don’t go and I’m sure she’ll save the money.
Of course it’s entirely possible to do Christmas for £80 but the vast majority spend a lot more than that! We’re fortunate that we can afford to do things our way and host but turning up with a bottle of wine and a box of crackers is an absolute joke! I’d actually say it’s worse than turning up with nothing at all, it’s insulting!
im guessing that she generally hosts and you sit back and enjoy all her efforts rather than rotating hosting.
I’m actually astounded there’s anyone on this post who thinks you’re not being unreasonable.

MarymaryquiteC · 02/12/2025 15:57

phantomofthepopera · 02/12/2025 15:43

With respect, looking at the cheap processed crap in that basket, you may as well go the whole hog and get a few chicken dinner microwave meals from Heron Foods and get the bill below 20 quid.

Show quote history

No need to be a total dick about someone else's Christmas menu is there?

nomas · 02/12/2025 15:57

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 02/12/2025 15:47

I really think OP if your sister is happy to host you all then what she cooks is entirely up to her. I find it rude to slag off her passion for cooking and her desire to make it special in her way
Im sure £30 doesn’t even come close to the actual cost of what you will be getting.

If I was invited to a relatives every year I would want to make a substantial donation and be glad if someone actually took the stress from me and asked for £30. Meanwhile I’d also want to provide something extra for all the hard work they have taken away from me.

Honestly OP if you want to have exactly what you want at Christmas host yourself or go to a restaurant.

Im sure £30 doesn’t even come close to the actual cost of what you will be getting.

Yep, the £30 is obviously a cry for some sort of acknowledgement of her effort each year, because it's all become expected that she host.

BuildbyNumbere · 02/12/2025 15:57

People should contribute as buying and cooking for everyone is very expensive. A bottle of wine and a few crackers … how generous 🤣🤣🤣

ThatCyanCat · 02/12/2025 15:58

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 15:55

I would have taken substantial contributions every year, too, but reducing it to a cash transaction so that Sister can maintain total control is tacky.

Show quote history

OP said she hosts every year because she's most centrally located.

If they object to contributing to the cost of the food (that's not a transaction) then they could suggest someone else hosts and do the extra travelling.

nomas · 02/12/2025 15:58

BuildbyNumbere · 02/12/2025 15:57

People should contribute as buying and cooking for everyone is very expensive. A bottle of wine and a few crackers … how generous 🤣🤣🤣

But remember - the crackers go with the sister's cheese. 😂

BlueMum16 · 02/12/2025 15:59

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 02/12/2025 15:17

I’ve also been on Tesco online and added the things to make a Christmas lunch. I’ve not added the veg and potatoes because they’re always 7p on the week so adding another £5 max for that, but the roast, puds (trifle for the adults, chocolate for the kids) and cheese (minus the crackers) and drinks. It might not be totally right because pack sizes have changed so much and I’d need to go to the shop myself to see if it was right and I need to add more of anything in, but including extra for the veg it’s about £80 for everyone. Probably would need to see what sister and husband want to drink, but my parents mostly drink cups of tea and the odd glass of ginger ale, and I’m boring and only drink water!

It’s not as fancy as the farm shop turkeys and hand made apricot stuff that other posters have but it makes a good honest Christmas dinner and the large turkey should be enough for 6 adults and the kids who barely eat their dinner because they’ve raided their selection boxes!! But from my perspective, £30 is a really decent contribution to a Christmas dinner and I think a lot of the extra costs come in from the fact that she wants to make everything extra fancy, not because it needs too.

You really cannot serve Christmas dinner including starters mains and desserts and drinks for 6 adults (and how many kids?) for £80.

I host most years, this year just 5 of us, no kids and expect £100+ which includes a frozen turkey crown from Iceland.

I hope you take more than one bottle of wine, plus soft drinks for the kids.

Times are hard, I'm glad you've paid up, Christmas as a family is fantastic but your DSis shouldn't not be getting flamed across social media for asking for a small contribution. You'd pay £30 to do it yourself at home.

BuildbyNumbere · 02/12/2025 16:00

nomas · 02/12/2025 15:58

But remember - the crackers go with the sister's cheese. 😂

Show quote history

🤣🤣

Xmasbaby11 · 02/12/2025 16:01

We don't do it in our family but I think it's fine to charge. As a host it can be simpler to buy everything yourself so you know exactly what you have - if it's a traditional Xmas meal rather than a buffet. If any family member is unreliable or has different taste, it's just stressful not knowing what will turn up. Of course it's expensive to host if you are generous with quantity and go for quality. If she has high standards generally, she's not going to drop them for Xmas, even if others don't care that much.

It's much easier to give money and also easier to receive.