to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

I am extremely lucky I go over my sister or up my mam's free of charge! But! I do totally get why people charge, they are saving me a massive task and providing fantastic food. I wouldn't begrudge £30!

💯
The OP should stay home this year and cook her own dinner and maybe she’ll appreciate the cost and effort of the nice meal she’s been getting for free for years and which is the only crass thing going on here.

The OP has happily criticised her sister's cooking as too Nigella. She had left herself open to being on the end of it.

Yes this.

I suppose we’re lucky that everyone in my husbands family genuinely enjoy hosting though. We always bring a decent cheeseboard and wine and would absolutely bring more if it was asked.

Absolutely, OP's annoyed that she's being painted as the "villain", yet all we have to go on is her own posts and virtually every single one has contained a nasty dig (or several) at her DSis. OP seems to lack any self-awareness about how nasty she comes across about her DSis, despite claiming they're "very close" - it certainly doesn't read that way.

Hopefully you do offer your mum or sister some money or pay for some of the shopping!

There were times things were tight and you know what we did? We cut our cloth. We had liver & onions and stews padded out with potatoes frequently in December and January. As a family we were happy to make those little sacrifices as a unit to have a jolly good Christmas Day. Some years we could afford a ham as well as turkey, other years we couldn't, but we didn't ask someone else to pay for it! Young people these days don't understand waiting for things or the value of money, they want everything and they want it now! OP has already said that she has stumped up the cash and kept it zipped so that the family can be together, that's taking the high road in my book.

I didn’t mention the presents before now as they are completely irrelevant to the dinner, by bringing them up it seems like a quid pro quo and that’s not the spirit of Christmas to me. But if I’m going to be labelled as thoughtless and ungenerous I felt I should say something as that’s just not true.

Looking at your shop makes me realise you have no clue how to host a Christmas dinner. I’d be surprised if that turkey was big enough for the 3 families you say go, and you’ve chosen a frozen one over a fresh one. Potatoes - if you want decent roast potatoes (and mash) you don’t buy the cheap 7p bags - Maris piper all the way in my opinion! But the cheap ones are terrible.

Are you a good cook? Honestly? Because maybe that’s why your sister doesn’t want you contributing. Your choice of desserts for your example shop seem a bit meh and definitely wouldn’t do 3 families! You aren’t accounting for the cost of the electricity for all the cooking. Your sister’s time preparing it all etc. table decorations?

Whilst I wouldn’t charge family myself, if she’s hosting every year and making a real effort to make a lovely meal not just the cheapest you can do I would’t hesitate to bung her £30 towards her costs. That’s peanuts compared to what it’s actually costing her. You should be grateful she’s prepared to do this and make it £50 towards her honest. You try eating a 3 course meal out on Xmas day and see how far £30 gets you as a family. Be grateful that she is prepared to make this effort because it would cost you as a family a LOT more than £30 if you took your turn hosting…

Wow, it's never occurred to me to charge my family for Christmas dinner! I'm hosting for my parents, adult kids and one of their partners (plus DH) this year. Yes, it's expensive and granted, it's not this many every year but even though my parents and both kids are on an even standing/better off than us financially, I just wouldn't dream of it...sort of think that if you can't afford to cover it, don't offer to host but maybe that's just me...food for thought (pardon the pun!)

So your DS goes above and beyond and you get a chef level super fancy Christmas feast…..

yet you’re too stubborn to chip in 30 quid 👀 tell her I’ll be her sister instead 🤣

I didn’t mention the presents before now as they are completely irrelevant to the dinner

Correct.

Would you be prepared to order all the meat to be delivered to her? No giving her money, but easing the burden? Or would your family be prepared to travel further so someone else hosts?

But OP has also said she doesn’t let anyone else contribute and crackers and wine is all she’s been allowed to bring?

Do you host every year? And do you "offer" or is it just assumed by the rest of your family that you will be hosting because you always have?

What are you on about?!
Everyone is happy together and enjoying the meal but it’s largely at one person’s expense. Why should that be? If a family member is having a rough time and can’t contribute then fair enough but why should people rock up year after year with practically nothing?
Give your head a wobble!

And she’s not taking the high road, she’s doing the caring and decent thing by chipping in with a small sum to offset the cost of food.

A bottle of wine and crackers is a tight contribution for a whole family given how much a turkey and extra trimmings cost.

You don’t know our mashed potatoes.
Or our sweet potato pie for that matter.
I wouldn’t fret about things about evening out.
Nobody ever has any complaints. ❤️

Umm, well we have at least 3 extras every year (2 kids and one or both of their partners) and thinking about it, I just tend to invite them as standard as I love having family together (location wise, we are spread out a bit) so perhaps that's the difference...rod for my own back and all that! I don't mind though 😀

Exactly. What's sauce for the Christmas goose is sauce for the gander.

😂😂😂"allowed" her to bring? Yeah, and even then, does OP bring a case of "good" wine? Or even half a case? No - ONE bottle, FFS. 🙄

My Christmas dinner is simple and tasty. It’s pretty much what we had in Covid when we were alone and we like it as much as my sisters’. I didn’t post for it to be bashed. Just to say that £30 is a more than reasonable contribution. No need for starters as we have nibbles after the church service, and the kids fill up on the chocolates. And for those on their high horse about the yule log even my sister buys one in to keep the kids quiet!

I’m saying this until I’m blue in the face, for me Christmas is about family. That’s why I don’t decline to spend Christmas there. And since DS won’t go anywhere on Christmas Day that’s why I don’t host.

It’s not the £30, it’s not the contributions - it’s the way you’ve spoken about your sister throughout this thread. What comes over is that you resent her and that’s what her asking for £30 has triggered.
Maybe there is good reason here - or is this money going to cause you financial hardship? Because if it is, then it’s probably healthier to be honest with yourself and her if that’s the case rather than projecting that onto this request. If the money is not an issue of affordability, then I do think you need to take a big step back and consider the relationship you have and what feelings this is stirring up, because I don’t think you’d be feeling this about a close family relationship over a red herring of £30.
Hope you can work through this.

She’s already said it’s decent wine she brings.

The slating of the Teco shop has become really snobby! It’s not necessarily what I would choose either if hosting, but if I went to a relative’s house and that’s what they gave me I would eat it and be grateful. I’m from a very working-class background but lots of luxury food has always been a part of the festivities for me (my parents saved all year round for that food shop!) however I completely get that it isn’t a priority for everyone!

I think the main issue is your sister hosting every year. If it’s become the status quo that you all go there because that’s what’s easiest, then I think its ok for her to ask for a financial contribution. Otherwise, you take turns at hosting and paying. If she added up the total food bill and said its £32.67 per head then I would be on your side as that’s ridiculously transactional, but I don’t think £30 for the family is unreasonable.

Yes I can hear the resentment too.

Her food sounds very nice and right up my street.