to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Total cost of meal should be split evenly between all adults. Why on earth should one person be expected to pay

bring wine, soft drinks, snacky bits, cream for pud, ready prepared vegetables, chocolates. A bottle and some crackers? Good grief,

This is surely a reverse? I suggest that if you find it distasteful, you should host and absorb the costs. Also……wine and crackers? Really?

This is what we do! I don’t “charge” my family for Christmas dinner but we do all chip in towards the cost x

How about you host and she can rock up with a bottle of plonk and some Jacobs crackers and you fund the rest and see how cheap and simple it is??

Times really have changed. When I was little my dad would have given someone the shirt off his back, his last penny. People were always welcome in our home - if it meant my mum missed out on milk on her cornflakes because Mary nipped round for a cup of tea the night before - so be it. It was all about community. Not this silly, wishy-washy, keeping score. We scrimped and saved to have the best Christmas dinner we could afford. The very idea of charging family would have my mum turning in her grave. We had such fun, and I can tell you all this, we didn’t care if we got one slice of turkey or two, or if there were multiple different types of potatoes, and we certainly didn’t have starters, but we were together. And that’s what Christmas is really about. To us old timers anyway...

Its really common place for everyone to chip in money for xmas dinner.

It makes it fair on the cost and if someone is willing t do all the shopping and cooking - then let them crack on

id take some niece chocolates for SIL to say thank you and enjoy the fact you can turn up, eat and do some clearing away (if thats what happens) and leave.

We had xmas dinner out last year and it was £72 per head, which is cheap, it was a nice dinner and mince pies and chocolates to take home afterwards - but a table of 10 adults and 2 children was £750

If she is hosting it every year then she is getting screwed every year.
I think €30 is a modest amount - you sound like scrooge.

How many of you are there ? Have you seen the cost of food lately ? she's probably sick of you taking the piss it would cost over £200 to go to a pub for a meal for 2 adults and 2 kids £30 is sod all and the fact you think turning up with a bottle of wine and something for the cheeseboard is an adequate contribution tells me you're a CF expecting her to front the costs and host every year while you sit and do fuck all while saving a fortune .

Perhaps it’s time to leave this thread, I feel I’m being given a real slamming. For what it’s worth - not a lot to the many posters who are content to cyber-bully me - but I will repeat that she wants to host. Not only that, she chooses elaborate, complex, and expensive dishes because that’s what she and her DH enjoy - our dad got a nasty shock with the carrots last year after she basted them in this spicy Chinese paste! We all agreed it was a step too far and she’s going to stick to her usual honey roasted ones now! I don’t mind her food, but I’m just as happy with my simple dinner which has been described as a basic roast here. I’m not a foodie and while I like a nice Christmas dinner, I just want to spend time with family and don’t care if there’s parsley on my roast potatoes.

Maybe I’m just too sensitive, but the replies are getting to me a bit. I try to show my appreciation by giving her family lovely gifts. This year I’ve bought her Diptique shower oil, her DHs fave Lacoste tops, and the little ones some really fabulous lego I know they will love, plus lots of other special bits. Not that it should matter but she’s given us clearly regifted things in the past. She mustn’t have looked too closely at the presents she gave my child last year because there was a gift tag with her child’s name on it. I’ve suspected her of handing off a few other things to us as well over the years.

If it’s £30 for your whole family then I think that reasonable. It sounds like it’s convenient for you all to be at your sisters and she’s happy to host so I don’t think a financial contribution is too much to ask if she does it every year. If I’m hosting I prefer to buy all the bits myself, that way I can prep in advance and make sure everything “goes” together, rather than have a hotchpotch of different dishes. Sounds like she puts a lot of effort into making it a lovely day for you all, so I would pay the £30 and bring the wine.

@RabbitsNBears and do you think it would be fair if your mum went without every year? And it isn't keeping score. One person does it all and provides it all every year, because the other family members assume the sister will host at her house. And it's not like the OP is giving the shirt off her back, or her last penny. She has been benefitting and not helping her sister for many years. Why should one side of the family do everything and give up everything, and the other side just turn up and enjoy the meal every year. What community spirit is the OP showing?

I'm sorry but I still don't think any of this means she should have to front all the work and all the cost of Christmas every year. You say you'd be happy with beans on toast but as long as you're also happy to take her much better offering, I don't see why the burden should be solely on her every time. It doesn't look great for the people who don't take on the cost and work of hosting to accuse the one who does of not appreciating family and the true meaning of Christmas.

Would you consider ordering the meat to be delivered to her? Then money hasn't changed hands but you've still made a fair contribution.

It sounds like your sister is a great cook.

I’ve also been on Tesco online and added the things to make a Christmas lunch. I’ve not added the veg and potatoes because they’re always 7p on the week so adding another £5 max for that, but the roast, puds (trifle for the adults, chocolate for the kids) and cheese (minus the crackers) and drinks. It might not be totally right because pack sizes have changed so much and I’d need to go to the shop myself to see if it was right and I need to add more of anything in, but including extra for the veg it’s about £80 for everyone. Probably would need to see what sister and husband want to drink, but my parents mostly drink cups of tea and the odd glass of ginger ale, and I’m boring and only drink water!

It’s not as fancy as the farm shop turkeys and hand made apricot stuff that other posters have but it makes a good honest Christmas dinner and the large turkey should be enough for 6 adults and the kids who barely eat their dinner because they’ve raided their selection boxes!! But from my perspective, £30 is a really decent contribution to a Christmas dinner and I think a lot of the extra costs come in from the fact that she wants to make everything extra fancy, not because it needs too.

Oops it’s saying my images are under review. I shared a screen dump of the shop

This should have been in your OP. All you talked about was the one bottle of wine you give her and crackers to go with her cheese.

Pare down the presents to regifts and bung her £20 per head for food.

£30 is nothing for a family of what, 4, 5?

She's making a massive effort, you seem to want to minimise that.

If it's so cheap, just stay home and have a Christmas with your little family.

Is this a wind up?
Your measly contribution of wine and crackers is clearly not enough. The “bad taste” part of this is that you think it’s fine to contribute so little. Surely any decent person would offer to contribute (properly)and not wait to be asked 🤷🏻‍♀️

I seem to be in the minority here, but I think charging for Xmas dinner is just horrible. It feels wrong somehow.
On the other hand I would be bringing a pretty substantial contribution - good wine, cheese selection, pies, specialties, side dishes, cakes…or, better, ask the person hosting what they need or would like brought so there’s not too much duplication. But in general, YANBU

Its not like you're paying for a ticket to an event, you're helping with the cost of Christmas lunch, I think its absolutely fair to ask for a contribution. If you think wine and crackers are enough then that's on you, its really not enough. Everything is expensive and putting the burden of hosting Christmas lunch to ensure the family to be together on your sister without offering anything is poor taste on your part.

Christmas Dinner is one of those “how long is a piece of string” things though - we are buying to Turkey this year to take to our in laws (offered to, as we live in a flat too small to host the whole family) and it’s cost us £120. We’ve bought one to serve 12-14, there are 6 adults and 2 toddlers, but my in laws usually do another dinner with the meat on Boxing Day and then sandwiches if there is any left.

I don't think this was out of the blue for her...meaning that she clearly had feelings building up that brought her to this. This feels passive aggressive. Like there is more going on in her head. For sure she feels taken for granted.

She is obviously putting in a lot of effort year after year and has very high standards...If she is essentially catering this holiday, I suppose the least people can do is offer to help pay for the groceries!

Perhaps someone should offer to take over next year so that she doesn't feel like it's expected of her every single year.

She is actually asking for very little...less than the total of her food bill, and absolutely nothing toward her time and energy.

I've been that "eldest daughter" before. I feel for your sister.

OP in the nicest possible way your shop is missing more then the veg for comparison. You have no starter, no nibbles, no chestnuts, no bacon. No oil, butter, stock, turkey foil. You would struggle to feed 6 adults with that size triffle etc etc.

I don't buy the fanciest of ingredients but my shop is at £150.

£30 for Christmas Dinner for a family of 4 is low in comparison.
Honestly next year why don't you host and decline your sisters invite?!

But most people who host family for Christmas dinner will always make it better than your average roast, and have extras, and probably go for the slightly higher quality meats etc.