to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

No she hasn’t. One bottle of wine between 3 at Christmas is stingy. It’s not as if all the bottles need to be drunk at Christmas, it’s partly a present to cover the cost and bother of the entire meal.

Either way £30 is a bargain. Doesn’t even cover the turkey.

This will probably be in the Daily Mail and even those readers will be horrified. In fact I think a similar thread was one year.

Never in real life have I heard people charging family for Christmas dinner. Yet I concur that according to this thread it is now the norm and perfectly acceptable.

I do wonder if it’s a trend. I’m now seeing threads about people charging guests for wedding meals. They’ll probably start charging for parties next.

I thought the etiquette was - if you invite people to your house then you are hosting. Of course it’s expensive. That’s not a surprise or a new thing. There’s nothing wrong at Christmas with family all chipping in with food and drink. That does help even though some say that can’t happen and it’s too much of a faff.

One person could bring all the alcohol for example- a huge saving to the host. One person could bring all the puddings. One person bring the cheese board.

If, as a family you all agree to spit the cost as one person is always hosting then that is different.

Completely agree.

You say you take umbridge at having to pay to go to a family meal but she's clearly not trying to make a profit, just cover some costs. For various reasons, she hosts every year and it sounds like a great meal. She probably didn't think it was that big a deal to ask for a small amount of money towards it.

Also I have literally no idea what being catholic has to do with not drinking. My entire family are incredibly devout catholics, mass several times a week, catholic schools all round and no one has ever not drunk based on being catholic. Maybe it's a regional thing ?

Charging family for hosting a dinner party is new to me. That's gonna end up being posted by some Daily Mail soon

I would normally agree but it’s different for close family at Christmas if through circumstance (larger house / location / culinary skills) one family repeatedly bear the load. That’s just not fair.

To get over the “coldness” of money we treat it as a joint endeavour that happens to be at one house. So one family bring all the cheese and crackers stuffing and pigs in blankets one all the puddings and crackers etc. All bring stacks of booze. . The host will not have “back ups” that’s on you worked out in advance who brings what. .

You seem adamant that OP's sister has invited the family to their house for Christmas, but OP has explained that her sister has hosted the family for several years due to her central location. So she's the host by default.

Why should she have to pay for food for 10 people every year (which will have cost her hundreds of pounds) because she's logistically the most convenient? Doesn't that seem unfair?

The other option is that everyone stays at home because OP's sister can't afford to pay for everyone's food, but that strikes me as much more misery than for everyone to chip so they can all spend the day together.

Inviting people for dinner for say your birthday is completely different from hosting Christmas with your entire family year after year. Someone basically has to do it really so to ask for a small amount towards it isn't that unreasonable.

I’d love to hear the sister’s side of the story.

to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

A paltry wine bottle and crackers contribution is poor form.

How often do you host her though? Not much I’m guessimg.

I agree.

She could always inject some “warmth” with additional bottles of wine.

That's pretty empty handed in my opinion.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5452814-aibu-to-refuse-to-host-christmas-again-after-what-my-family-said?page=1

I think it'd be a lot like this!

You’re honestly being ridiculous. £30 for a full christmas lunch plus some wine. Absolute bargain. Go and enjoy her Nigella cooking and have a lovely time. At least she can actually cook!! You’re being very mean spirited.

Ha - I just said the same. In fact I’m sure there was a similar thread in there last year…

Exactly. We have 3 families: the host family bought the turkey and drinks, one visiting family bought the trimmings, the other bought the desserts and cheeseboard. A bottle of wine and crackers is Scrooge-like.

That said, its not really in the spirit of Christmas to charge money for a family meal.

It's not in the spirit of Christmas to expect one person to host every year though either.

I’d be very surprised if the posters who are scandalised that people are asking for money for a very expensive regular event that is never reciprocated are the same people who are paying for a large family Xmas out of their own pocket every single year.

Yes the hosts could provide nuggets and vodka margarine for dinner as it’s cheaper but I doubt their guests would be grateful just for the free meal. These types of guests, even if they did contribute to relieve the burden of cost onto one household, only want to provide what they will eat/ drink at said meal in case the host ‘profits’ with leftovers at a later date.

I feel so grateful I don’t have any cheeky fuckers in my life who are willing to drain me dry whilst adding as little as possible to the pot themselves. I hope that like Scrooge some posters take this as an opportunity to reflect on their miserly ways and their strange ideas about family and money and put their hands in their pockets. You wouldn’t expect a free Xmas dinner off weatherspoons or a free turkey from Tescos because it’s Xmas and it’s what you’ve always had and they’re rich and can afford it, but you’d expect your own flesh and blood to subsidise you indefinitely at the most expensive time of year for a lot of families.

Sometimes people arriving with different side dishes is a hindrance not a help. You have to fit them in the oven and work out the timings. Just pay the money, I can’t believe over the years you’ve never offered to contribute towards the shopping bill. It must be hundreds of pounds and you’re being stingy about £30 for a family.

I’ve hosted Christmas dinner for 14 years. Wouldn’t dream of charging.

But, like I said people do bring a contribution to the food. I’m rubbish at making puddings for example so MiL does those. It’s all fine and no need to charge on the door!

Alcohol is a huge expense. More than the turkey. (For some families). So if one family brings the alcohol then all good..

I do agree that the OP should take more round and I don’t believe they only drink one bottle of wine between them. If SIL is fussy then she can get a list of cheese for the cheeseboard. OP could also bring lots of non- alcoholic posh drinks. There are plenty of ways to contribute without charging family.

I feel sorry for your sister tbh. I’ve been in her position of hosting a large family Xmas every year and it costs a fortune, £30 is a bargain. Thankfully my guests have turned up with more than a bottle of wine and a box of crackers but even so it is a big undertaking. I wouldn’t want someone just turning up with odd side dishes either but I would expect them to contribute more than you do eg biscuits, chicks, maybe dessert and definitely more wine! If that isn’t happening then I can see why she is resorting to charging you.

Try hosting one year and you will soon see how expensive and time consuming it is. And I totally get that she wants to do a ‘fancy’ meal, but adding nuts and herbs is not going to be the main cost she is facing!

I'm the matriarch of our family (by dint of being the last one standing!) and, if I had the space, they'd all come to me Christmas Day. I don't so the only one who has a dining room with a big table hosts for us all. Every year I give them a get-out clause but they always say they love doing it, tradition, etc. I send them a decent-sized cheque which more than covers the cost of the meal (we joke about it being a cheeky-chicken-cheque) and I also make and take the puddings. Others bring wine and bubbly. But....you can't put a price on a home-cooked meal with the family on Christmas Day, followed by games and snoozes, good company and lots of laughing, and and this what they give us every year. I hope when I've gone that the rest of the family are happy to cough up £30 to keep the tradition going - I think the OP is upset because they've chosen money over her cooking but I wouldn't take it as a slight - DIL probably has lists made and orders done and likes to be very organised. She wouldn't want to run the risk of ending up with 3 dishes of sprouts and no pigs in blankets because someone changed their mind. I'd have just transferred the money and been happy to.

After reading all your responses, I do think YABU OP. As someone who hosts regularly £30 is a very small contribution to the overall costs. If you are happy to bring a dish, why are you in a huff about giving money that would have cost the same or less than the dish you would have contributed?

You nearly lost me at a single bottle of wine and crackers, but completely lost me at 'spaghetti hoops' for Christmas dinner. Sounds like your sister pulls out all the stops for a sumptuous meal and you're actually berating and belittling her efforts. Seems very ungracious and very ungrateful. A £100 hamper would be a minimum from you and if it were me I'd send one for £200. Or a voucher for somewhere nice that your sister likes to shop in.