to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Completely agree with you - OP must be taking the piss with this post, it can’t be genuine. No one in their right mind would begrudge sending a measly £30 to cover Christmas dinner for an entire family (and not for the first time). One bottle of wine and some crackers 😆🤦🏻‍♀️ dear me, how tight. They should be transferring £300. Has to be a wind up.

She's doing it because she's the most geographically the most convenient! It sounds like the broader family just assume the "invite" every single year! Why are you ignoring that fact?

You've got a real bee in your bonnet about choosing the menu. I'm sure the sister does a typical Christmas Dinner every year in which case the shopping list will probably be exactly what the family would request anyway. Seeing as she's done it every year and cares about the food I'm sure the whole family will have talked about their favourite bits and she knows what they like.

I couldn't disagree with you more. So glad you are in the minority.

I bet you regret posting now, OP. People don't even bother clicking on 'see all' and reading OP's posts at least, before rushing to offer their invaluable contribution to the thread.

She explained countless times why she brings one bottle of wine instead of 10, and why crackers instead of a cheese board/puddings/other food or drinks. She's not tight on that front.

But YABU about contributing, OP. 30 quid is nothing. Hosting to a high standard is very expensive. If your sister does it every year, is a good cook, makes tasty high-quality food - 30 quid is peanuts, she'll be paying A LOT more. I don't see why everyone shouldn't chip in. Hell, I'd happily pay that even if the food isn't the highest standard, just for someone to bother cooking for me, as I hate cooking with a passion.

Crackers for the cheeseboard and a bottle of plonk? Ha ha! What’s that? A tenner?? Do you have any idea how much it costs to cook a Christmas dinner? Fucking hundreds! Does she do a starter? All the trimmings? Desert? All booze?

You sound stingy as fuck.

Take six bottles of Prosecco, a bottle of Baileys, a Christmas pudding, as chocolate desert, a box of Ferrero Rocher, buy all the cheeses and crackers for the cheeseboard and maybe some posh nuts and snacks, then you are someway to actually contributing - although you are still not cooking, not hosting, not shopping for much, so you still have it pretty easy.

The bottom line is that it’s considered rude to ask guests for money for a dinner you've invited them to in your home. It doesn’t matter if she “enjoys hosting and cooking” if she can’t afford it. She refuses your offers to contribute dishes. Rude. She doesn’t want to have dinner at yours because she feels that your food is not on par with hers. Rude. She wants to charge people for dinner at hers, maybe she should open a restaurant.

I give my DIL £100 for three adults. She works so hard and gives us a wonderful day, she deserves ten times as much.

Hopefully, you won't use your very small token payment as a reason not to bring wine, crackers, flowers, and a good variety of chocolates and snacks with you. It still won't go anywhere near to the cost of hosting a family of four, but it would show you appreciate what a great deal your sister gives you every year. And make sure you all pitch in with cleaning up!

I know this won't get read so far down in the thread, but I think you need to sit down and have a good chat with your sister.

People don't just start asking for contributions because they are greedy or rude - they do it because they are struggling to afford hosting. That is probably quite a tough thing for her to do, because it is basically admitting that money is tight and she can't do what she wants as freely as she used to.

Instead of complaining, maybe have a chat and check how things are for her family are doing financially, and then see how you (and your whole family) can share the financial load of Christmas.

You've said you 'always' turn up with items which suggests she hosts you often, do you share turns for other meals or reciprocate? In any case what you describe taking sounds measly, I would go laden and offer to do a dish if I was being hosted on Xmas day

Based on this, yabu

she lives centrally so she has to host every year? That sounds cheeky and entitled.

cash isn’t cold. Cash is practical and if you really loved her, you’d hand it over. She’s asking only for £30. That’s a very reasonable ask.

my db has hosted 2 yrs in a row. I’ve given him cash - I offered it and am happy to give it as I appreciate the expense and effort involved.

I'd be positive about contributing, at least 50.
"Sure, it's the least I can do, sweet sister."

Over the years, have you offered to pay for the meat?
Offered 100, just because you know she's out of pocket?
Have you shouted her a cleaner after the event?

The fact that the sister has asked for a financial contribution indicates some resentment about the current status quo. Bringing one bottle of wine is not sufficient, I always bring two, as well as some other bits.

I would do a 25% off 6 bottles deal and bring 6 bottles as well as the £30. The whole point is that she can keep the wine for a later date.

We’re all different in what we can afford. Times are particularly difficult so if her family haven’t approached her with a supportive plan to cover costs then she’s sensible to ask for help to avoid going out of pocket.

The other hidden costs are her time and energy preparing & hosting. Next year, maybe all prepare dishes to take over & split the cost that way.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

I wonder if OP has any idea just how much her sisiter is forking out every year? A traditional Christmas dinner is expensive (plus the other hosting bits and pieces).

I suspect the OP has never hosted a family Christmas and has no idea what it's like. Her original It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard, shows that pretty clearly, despite all the later claims of posh wine and crackers.

Tbh I think the amount op has been hosted by her sister, and as the person, who does the most amount of hosting and used to host a bunch of cheeky fuckers loads, saying you can’t afford £30 after accepting my hospitality loads would really stick in my craw… and probably ensure that I never hosted them again, which is what eventually happened with that big bunch of cheeky fuckers.

Just because you’ve offered to bring dishes and your dsis has always said no op, it doesn’t really excuse not evening out the score somehow. There are another 364 and even some years 365 days to do something, which would make her feel special. A bottle of wine and some crackers is not enough. You could have brought flowers, taken her and her family out somewhere, given a voucher, offered to pay for the turkey, offered money in the first place and so forth.

Every time I see posts like this I’m reminded of how dumb I was to spend so much hosting a bunch of ingrates only to be left with an almighty mess. Yes it gave me a certain amount of pleasure, but I could have done so much more with that money, and it was so much money over the years that had I invested it wisely, we would have been so so much more financially secure.

£30 to get your family fed by someone outdoing Nigella sounds a great deal.

It probably took a lot of courage for her to ask, I don't think I could have but, honestly, if I had someone who hosted every year I would have been giving her £50 discreetly towards the ost. £30 is nothing for a family. You've been getting away lightly with a bottle of wine and box of biscuits.

It might have been better had she said she would appreciate a bit of help this year, though then she'd have probably had commis chef and washing up offers :-).

You don’t write as though you like her.

This isn’t the ‘value she puts on a family Christmas ’ it’s the amount you choose to resent your sister over after years of generosity. You’re right- it’s not much.

I bought a Christmas cake and pudding m and s which was £30.00 !. A packet of Jacobs and a bottle of Rose doesn't really cut it does it. Be fair food is through the roof now.plus stress of cooking en masse

My posh sister hosts parties and asks everyone to bring food and drink.... i think its off TBH myself if im hosting i wont 'expect' anything, isnt that what hosting is???

I dont think its unreasonable. Im in the states. Hosted Thanksgiving and it cost me around 400.00. Whatever helps lighten the load.

Doesn't sound all that unreasonable to me tbh. I personally wouldn't charge if I hosted the party myself but I can imagine the reasons why one would. You're free to not go if you don't want to though.

There's a big difference IMO between hosting a party and hosting Christmas.

In OP's scenario, her sister has been the default host for Christmas for several years due to her central location. This is the first year she's asked for a financial contribution (not a 'charge' 🙄) but I expect it's cost her hundreds to cover everyone's food over the years.

I'm not suprised she's finally asking for some help in covering the cost and £30 is very reasonable.

Absolutely cringing at op turning up with a single bottle of wine and some poxy crackers. Second hand embarrassment for you op.