Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

I do agree it sounds a bit long- and focused and detailed for someone in psychosis, but it’s certainly possible. She might just be in the early stages or obsessive about these headlice

@NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause oh yes, and if something is REALLY disapproved of it's 'crusty musty dusty'.
OP she sounds like what we'd call in these parts a total bampot, give her wide berth and she'll probably move on to someone else but I'd be forwarding that to the school in case her child starts giving yours a hard time about being 'dirty'.

Tbh you reply did not help the situation.

'Are you ok' come across as super sarcastic

I think she was drunk too. She's probably going to feel like a right knob when she's sobered up.
I'd write back telling her to treat her kids properly as they're likely re-infecting themselves from inadequate treatment, and your kids have never had nits!!
And then block and avoid. Sadly schools tend to be useless at these situations which leads them to escalate so your best option is to avoid her.

My response would be a lot less pragmatic 😂

1. My kids don't have nits
2. Nits go for all hair types, both dirty and clean
3. Come say it to my face and see how brave you're feeling

Woah, she's unhinged. I have no advice other than blocking her as reporting her to the school would do absolutely nothing, it's a private matter between the parents

That was my first thought - it's been sent to a few parents.

The irony of her calling other people's children dusty and dirty when it's her DC with the actual headlice. Can she not connect the dots here?!

I’m surprised at the number of people saying school won’t be involved. My dc primary absolutely would have wanted to be aware (it creates a full picture and the safeguarding lead should be made aware) and my dc secondary would also want to know. I had a parent storm into my home accusing my dd of bullying (she did call out racism and I stand by that - messages were written very nicely just firm). I let school head of year know and she called me because she was concerned and wanted to know what happened. Schools should be interested but won’t intervene as such.

Yes, I did mean 101 (non emergency police). Sending abusive messages via social media could be illegal under laws such as the Harassment Act 1997, the Malicious Communications Act 1988, and the Communications Act 2003.

I would report this to the police please tell me you aren’t tolerating a whole family screaming abuse at you on the school run every day! Video it and take it to the police

Oh wow, I’d be really upset if I had received a text like that to, she’s clearly got some mental health issues, maybe she has been blamed many times for having head lice and she’s just gone about it the wrong way and gone over the top on the txts in a bid to defend herself and her children. I’d try and forget about it, don’t get involved.

They DON’T prefer clean hair. It’s not true!!!!!

yes they need to be aware, but they can't actually do anything at all. They shouldn't even over-step and discuss the message with the other parent, it has nothing to do with them whatsoever.

And frankly, the school shouldn't be put in a position where they have to intervene between adults about lice, or parking or lack of party invitation, or whatever nonsense parents argue about.

So she should be nice and polite in response to this garbage text so she doesn’t offend the other person?

FFS 🤦‍♀️

She sounds like an angry bully having a tantrum. I would have ignored the message personally. Or simply said that my kids didn’t have nits. And nothing else - certainly not the passive aggressive “are you ok”. I don’t think you should have put that.

I would make 100% sure that your kids have no nits. When my ds was 5/6, there was a child who was constantly giving everyone nits. Everyone was treating their child and continually getting rid, apart from two people who just didn’t care. I ended up getting my DS’s head shaved as one of the kids who was always untreated was a close friend of his. Problem solved for me anyway. It’s so tiring and annoying when the whole family gets nits because someone isn’t treating them at school. After DS brought them home on 2 occasions and gave them to me and dd, I’d absolutely had enough. So I can sort of understand this mum’s anger, but her expression of it is unacceptable. I would have certainly said to my DH at the time that I was severely fucked off with X, but I would never have expressed it to her.

It sounds as if you are pretty certain your daughter isn't the source of the nits - and the school would hardly have told another parent and not you if she were.

To her: I'm sorry, I think you've got the wrong person.

To school: Print out the text for them - say that you're not expecting them to do anything, but they might like to be aware.

They're not going to intervene in parent-parent communication, but they might want to know that she is lying about what they've said.
It's also worth them being aware of this sort of text, either because it's a sign that she needs some help, or because if there's any escalation (either towards you or anyone else), it would be good to have the back story. Similarly if there is any bullying behaviour from the child in school.
I can't see why showing the school this text should affect anything with the court procedures. Her claim is based on "the school said", and if they didn't, then they know that the claim is baseless.

I would send the screen shot to the class whatsap and say "Just to be clear my dc does not have nits. I received this message from X's mum and thought I would kindly clear the air in case there are rumors going around." 😂This way the rest of the class can see how nuts she is. Not like the school will do anything to help you and tbh this lady is asking for it sending this kind of message.

Its not everyday but frequent. She even swears ar her own children and her poor dogs

I want to know the difference between a dusty nit and a nit

Also when did being dirty have anything to do with getting nits

or apparently brushing hair correctly

She sounds like she has decided that having ND children = dumb children = dumb mother= can be treated appallingly without any comeback.

Its not everyday but frequent. She even swears ar her own children and her poor dogs

No, she would have been better off saying nothing. “Are you ok” in this context is as bad (or worse) than replying with “fuck off”. At least fuck off is direct and no nonsense. Just because “are you ok” doesn’t use swear words, it doesn’t mean it’s not passive aggressive. I’d prefer to be told to fuck off actually.

It’s not a case of not understanding the law: Things being illegal doesn’t mean the police will chose to investigate or request a prosecution.

I would forward the message to the class WhatsApp group and say "just to let you know, X's mum has confirmed she has nits. Please all check your kids in case she has passed them on."

Please do tell safeguarding because she seems like she’s having an episode and it could affect her children.

Please also update because I need to know what happens next.