Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

It's not mental health, she is clearly angry and believes your child has long term untreated nits. Is it true? Have you actually checked her hair with a nit comb? Perhaps she is frustrated at her child constantly catching them. There was a child who clearly had nits in school. I saw one crawl near her forehead and I informed her mum. The mum said, no she doesn't! My child was catching it constantly (7 times in total) and it was pissing me off as I had to treat all 4 of us! I was spending alot of money on vamoouse product. The teachers knew but couldn't do anything as they send a standard letter out. I told my child to not sit next to her, or play with her because she has nits. She had to put her arms out to stop her from being hugged. Finally my child stopped catching it!!! Loads of mums talked about it and we're annoyed by it too. I think you have to look at your daughter's hair properly with a nit comb and see. Do not just glance at it! Use a comb! Do not allow her back to school until it's sorted.

wtf are dusty nits?

That text is awful and considering your child is ND I think it is verging onto disability discrimination. Never mind about inferring your child is ugly and dumb
I would be so angry I would reply with

Firstly my child has not had nits.
I have spoken to the school and I want to know who said my child is passing on nits (or is that just a lie)
Maybe look at who your child mixes with. I would imagine that the group they mix with are more likely to give your child nits than a child who doesn’t have them.

Maybe it is a good thing that your nit infested child stays away from my nit free child until you have treated them.

Might I also suggest you take a closer look at your discriminatory remarks about disabilities Maybe this is clouding your judgement when looking at who has given your child nits..

Yup.

Having known dozens of psychotic people who were genuinely mentally ill and dozens of binge-drinkers, this sounds more like the latter.

I'd double check with school that, given her claim, they hadn't told her your child had nits - by emailing the screen shot to them so it's in writing.

I had a parent accuse me of my child giving her child chicken pox, when they had both been to a party at the school nursery three weeks earlier where some other kid gave it to everyone - rather than my child having had chickenpox for 5 weeks. Given she was shouting at me on school property in front of my kids I went straight in to the office. It was the first of many bizarre things she did

Anyone have an itchy head now?

So her child has nits and yours hasn't? That's your response right there.

Nah, she just sounds horrible and abusive but sounds nothing like psychosis or mania.

The very odd thing about an outburst is the texter is confirming its actually HER kid that is the one with nits but blaming others with zero proof their kid has ever had nits.

It is the school job to step in as this is a school issue, she is falsely claiming the school has 'outed' your child and is implementing vigilante justice as a response. School need to address that.

she's batshit. Block and ignore.

This text is unhinged but not really a threat to take seriously - if however there's one talking about you falling down stairs, that's straying into dangerous territory and I would be screenshotting that.

The petty mother in me would also be posting it on a parents whatsapp group for the class with a confirmation that my kids have not had nits/have been treated and are nit free and you don't appreciate threats of physical violence.

I'd just send a message saying

"You OK, hun?. I don't think this message is intended for me. Little Tarquin has not got nits. I've checked".

This is not acceptable and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it.

I wouldn’t know what to do either though - except for police but that’s against the legal advice you had…

So it’s her kid that has the hair lice 🤷‍♀️

Op that message is abusive. I’d be telling her to swiftly FO the cheeky bitch I’d be losing my own temper getting a message like that.
They should bring back nitty Nora, they weren’t that common when I was a kid they seem to be rife since her visits even from when my own dd was little.

Haha...brilliant!! 😂

Kind of thing I'd do too...

Ignore her also zero chance of knowing who started the nits it's a bit like trying to work out who was the noro patient X in a classroom full of children!

Side note I now have a itchy head at the thought of nits (definitely no nits though!)

There is no “excusing” using mental health issues. Some people especially in psychosis are paranoid and obsessive. She would not be in control of her actions.

likewise, if she struggles with alcoholism it would be sent in a drunken stupor and meaningless.

she may well be perfectly mentally healthy- however OP was the one who was curious about mental health problems so presumably has picked up on some reasoning to be so.

What do you think the police would do about a nasty text message either way?! It might make you feel better to thrown in a 101 call but nothing is going to happen

So, I’m a bit trigger happy and would likely take that screen shot and pop in in the class whatsapp asking whether this is an appropriate way to enquire whether your child has nits [and they don’t] and whether people could simply pop a message there saying ‘oh dear little Johnny has nits again, can we all check our DC’s hair please?’. Given you feel you will be demonised anyway, I’d probably still do it.

Your response is over the top, OP. This woman thinks your children have nits - okay, so she may have made a (probably genuine) mistake. She's very rude and her response is over the top. She doesn't like you. She's having a bad day (in part because of the nits). Okay - none of that suggests that she has mental health problems. I think you behaved badly in contacting a mutual friend and asking her if this woman has mental health problems and in raising it with the school. It comes across as stirring / trying to make life as difficult as possible for this woman because you're angry with her. Then talking to a solicitor about it and considering the police is ridiculously over the top. Unless she has genuinely threatened you - that's not in the text you've shown us though.

Must say, i'd also be tempted to do this. Her poor kids, they may have clean hair but they have a vile classless mother

My best friend growing up was a girl with chronic head lice from neglectful parents, obviously my mum didn’t like me being friends with her but other people’s parents used to be so horrible to her when she was only 9/10/11 it wasn’t her fault her parents neglected her. Honestly the way she calls your kids dumb and dirty reminded me of this, even if it’s true about you (not saying it is) it’s not fair to talk about your children like that

I would set her messages to go into a separate folder (just instead of blocking incase any threats do come through or it escalates and you need evidence) and wouldn't engage with or respond to her at all. It does sound like she's having a mental crisis of some description so I'd make the school aware just so they are informed and can safeguard if needed (they may have more context to this than you'll be aware of), but unless there's a credible threat to your safety or your kids then I'd not take it any further and just avoid her. If there's any issues with how she or her children treat yours I'd be all over it immediately with the school. Any credible threats of harm I'd report to police. I'd remind your children that if anything happens in school that makes them uncomfortable they need to tell a teacher and tell you as quickly as they can without telling them what's happened.

Wow, that’s some rant!

But don’t jeopardise your custody battle, so perhaps let it slide.

Maybe she's mixed your DD up with someone else? I'll be honest, I almost had a nervous breakdown over my daughter's recurring headlice in primary. She never, ever scratched so by the time I'd realise she had them, she be literally crawling with the buggers.

I came within an inch of shaving her head once so I can relate a bit to this woman losing her shit l. I'd never have sent abuse to another parent though. In fact, I'm willing to admit that my DD was probably the one causing most of the bloody infestations. I soon learned to check her weekly to catch them before they took hold.

You should avoid her at all costs but the school needs to see the messages. This is a huge safeguarding red flag. We all find it frustrating when head lice are doing the rounds but this is unhinged behaviour (even if she was drunk in which case one would expect an apology).