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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

396 replies

letmeeatcrisps · 01/12/2025 11:45

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

Sensitive content
Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?
OP posts:
Beentheretoolong · 01/12/2025 12:33

Judgejudysno1fan · 01/12/2025 11:58

Just ignore her. Seriously. I'd ignore someone like that. I have a school mum who walks past me and yells abuse at me and my children because we are apparently petrified of her huge dog. I told her im not scared of your dog, im anxious a bit due to being attacked by a big dog twice!!! and Im allergic to dog hair and cat fur, but her dog is actually very sweet, is very docile and gentle going past, but she wouldn't listen kept yelling at us to f off and screaming im teaching my children to be scared of dogs and then on other occasions she swore for her kids to quick cross the road before She (me) says anything about Buster being near her f####ing kids again. I was actually very upset. They are just 2 and 4 yr old little boys who have done nothing wrong. Now her children and her husband have joined in the abuse too. Its uncomfortable but I just take the high road and cross over to the other side. Ignorance is best ignored.

Honestly this sounds like harassment and there are laws about that… I’d be reporting that.

Bambamhoohoo · 01/12/2025 12:34

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 01/12/2025 12:08

She does sound deranged but on the whole her spag is pretty good, I'd expect a rant like that to be barely literate.

I'm surprised the school were so dismissive

Why do angry people lose the ability to spell?

openthewindoweveryday · 01/12/2025 12:36

FlyingApple · 01/12/2025 12:27

People keep saying are you sure your child doesn't have nits? Like that actually matters or will change anything. This mum is unhinged.

This with bells on! Even if OP’s daughter was crawling with nits, that message is unhinged.

Also to PPs saying it’s nothing to do with school if a parent messages another parent abuse - this is completely untrue. I have called in parents on several occasions to discuss their behaviour towards other parents. Ultimately, school won’t really be able to tell you anything that happens going forward. But I would say to the school, in writing, that another parent said they hoped harm came to you and that this was dismissed by staff when you raised it with them. Behaviour like this absolutely must be logged as it can be another puzzle piece of a much wider picture.

TheatricalLife · 01/12/2025 12:37

I'm with those who have said ignore. She's clearly a right twat, you won't get anywhere trying to argue back or tell her your kids don't have nits.
Block her number, ignore her at school and don't talk about it with other mums. Basically, rise above it. I'd imagine she's absolutely thriving off the drama and attention, so take it all away. If you don't bother to engage with her, she can't go anywhere with it. It will blow over when the next drama comes along.

Yamahahaha · 01/12/2025 12:38

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 01/12/2025 12:08

She does sound deranged but on the whole her spag is pretty good, I'd expect a rant like that to be barely literate.

I'm surprised the school were so dismissive

Pretty good?! Gosh, standards are low these days. She managed to spell "embarrassing" correctly, I guess.

Or maybe you mean she cooks good spag bol?

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 01/12/2025 12:39

Not that it’s ok at all - but do you think she’s got the wrong parent??

I think that’s a horrible message OP and I’d be shocked and a bit shaken too. But I also think this is on her and she should be embarrassed by this.

I would calmly state that the message is abusive and incorrect and you will now be blocking her.

ensure that teachers and any after school club staff are aware in case there’s any agro with the kids.

SJM1988 · 01/12/2025 12:39
  1. There is no evidence nits have a direct correlation to hygiene. They go for anyone.
  2. The school 100% would not have named any child they suspected of causing any outbreaks.
  3. Block and ignore. She sounds completely OTT. I'd raise if it started to affect my child at school but otherwise do nothing is better than getting involved in a text argument.
Bambamhoohoo · 01/12/2025 12:41

SJM1988 · 01/12/2025 12:39

  1. There is no evidence nits have a direct correlation to hygiene. They go for anyone.
  2. The school 100% would not have named any child they suspected of causing any outbreaks.
  3. Block and ignore. She sounds completely OTT. I'd raise if it started to affect my child at school but otherwise do nothing is better than getting involved in a text argument.

The myth of 1 really makes me laugh. Does anyone think brainless LICE actually have any preference, thought or desires around a certain type of carrier?! 😂😂 they’re lice. Parasites. Obviously they don’t give a crap whose head they’re on

Mapletree1985 · 01/12/2025 12:41

letmeeatcrisps · 01/12/2025 11:45

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

  1. Her kid has nits and she can't handle it.
  2. She has mixed you up with some other mum. Or possibly her kid told her it was your kid who brought the nits to school.

Blaming any one child for nits when they're endemic is crazy to me. My kids never had headlice because all bugs hate them; it's a genetic thing. I've had lice three times (teacher) and I don't care who knows.

HalfWayAroundTheLoop · 01/12/2025 12:45

I'm thinking she was drunk

Sartre · 01/12/2025 12:45

I don’t think the police would be interested unless there’s a direct threat to harm you. She’s clearly going through some sort of psychotic break, or she’s just always been unhinged. Block the number obviously and I’d be demanding school have a word with her really, someone senior. They never expose who has nits.

Beeloux · 01/12/2025 12:46

Cheeky bitch sounds nuts. I’d send a copy to SS and say you're concerned about her mental state.

fiorentina · 01/12/2025 12:47

Just because the school don’t appear like they’ve done anything doesn’t mean they haven’t added to a safeguarding concern. We reported a concern once, I don’t expect to hear an update, but they would deal with it amongst other issues if required. She has obviously got big issues but I would rise above it unless there’s further comeback. And keep checking for bloody nits..

RMAC67 · 01/12/2025 12:47

What a vile woman! I wouldn’t be excusing this as ‘mental health’ issues, some people are just nasty and need someone to blame in frustration and rage.

If there’s a class WhatsApp group, I would be posting this screenshot with a clear message that this woman is making false accusations against you and your child. She will no doubt try to ostracise you by spreading this lie.

I would also text her, and say you will be reporting her to the police and social services if she ever verbally abuses you again. You have the screenshots to prove it. Tell her your glad her daughter will be staying away from yours. Then block her and never engage with her again.

I would not let her push you out of school if your child is settled there. You have done nothing wrong.

RandomUserName96 · 01/12/2025 12:48

Does she not realise that actually, nits aren't a sign of being dirty or dirty hair and they actually prefer clean hair?

Definitely unhinged. Though what message(s) preceeded this? Or was this just out of the blue?

FunMustard · 01/12/2025 12:50

What would I do?

Block and ignore, then avoid the mother. And forget about it. I guess I might mention it to the teacher just to keep an eye out.

I am perplexed that you think you should do anything about this?

PuppyMonkey · 01/12/2025 12:51

Do you think she’s sending that same text to numerous people? So when she’s going on about “your dirty child” it means “all of you lot and your dirty children.” Confused

BatshitOutofHell · 01/12/2025 12:52

Christmaslogistics · 01/12/2025 12:06

She should not be so threatening and rude but is there an ongoing issue with headlice? How can she be sure it’s from your child ?

I have to admit that I inferred from her message that her children were the originators of the nits and that they had had them before, which was why she was being so angry and projecting onto everyone else. But actually, how would anyone know who was the origin and why would it matter - unless they weren't treating it.

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 01/12/2025 12:53

PedantsOfDestiny · 01/12/2025 12:15

"Dusty nits" - ?! Would she prefer clean ones?!

I'd show the school (in case she is having a breakdown).
Either ignore her or reply "sorry your child has nits. My kids have never had them" (actually I wouldn't, I'd leave her hanging)

My children use dusty as an adjective to describe something sub par, youth speak in innit 😂

usedtobeaylis · 01/12/2025 12:53

Just ignore of you can, she's the one that looks like a dick. Absolute maniac. Also nits have got absolutely no preference on whether hair is clean or not.

usedtobeaylis · 01/12/2025 12:56

BatshitOutofHell · 01/12/2025 12:52

I have to admit that I inferred from her message that her children were the originators of the nits and that they had had them before, which was why she was being so angry and projecting onto everyone else. But actually, how would anyone know who was the origin and why would it matter - unless they weren't treating it.

Show quote history

My daughter has had them once, at nursery, and you never know where they originated. You only ever know, at most, who has first and responsibly reported them. What an overreaction from the woman even if they did originate with OP's kid.

ParmaVioletTea · 01/12/2025 12:56

The thing is that nits like lovely clean hair, so her children are probably spreading them ...

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 12:57

Well they might all have clean hair, but she definitely has a potty mouth on her.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 01/12/2025 12:58

Someone like that should not be in charge of a young child. She sounds unstable and abusive.

Suednymph · 01/12/2025 12:59

Shes a vile abusive bully for sure and definitely has anger issues. I know the school have said nothing to do with them but you could cite gdpr perhaps? Unhinged mum said in writing she was told by the school so you have an obligation to make sure the school do not talk about your kids to other parents no matter what the issue.