Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

Yeah she’s nut. I live in a real shithole of a place and I’m surrounded by parents like that. Always screaming and shouting and sending abusive messages to each other.

I was on the receiving end last week, my 5 years olds crime was to accidentally bang heads with another child at lunchtime (both treated by school first aid and all fine, it was an accident that was witnessed by lunch staff).

Only, her kid came out in a huge bruise, and mine didn’t. So now, she’s going down the “assault” route and is gunning for me and my child. The head called and asked if I’d pick up my child from the office for a few days while he sorts it out as he’s concerned that she will start on me in the playground. No one here bats and eyelid - it’s normal behaviour for a lot of them.

There are some seriously odd people in this world and if you can just ignore (as I do), then that helps. I wouldn’t have even replied to that text. She just wants a fight.

She’s made a show of herself sending that message, because she sounds unhinged. The anger and rage in the text makes her sound like an unsafe parent - I hope she wasn’t raging verbally like that when she was combing her child’s hair.

I think given the content of the messages I would show other parents (I wouldn’t do it if they contained very personal info about either of you, but nits are a common thing in school) and see their reaction. If they seem to agree I would look into moving schools, if they react like they think she is crazy then I would just see it as a her problem, and stay.

I would have blocked her immediately.

Ignore her when you do see her.

Your child is allowed to be friends with who they choose to be.

Kids at school get nits. Repeatedly.

Let it go.

Tell her to fuck off and that you don't care what her child does in school

And stop showing the messages to other mums, your mum, the school. It's just escalating it, even in your own mind.

I was also surprised the school was so dismissive,

I'd do this too.

"Dusty nits" - ?! Would she prefer clean ones?!

I'd show the school (in case she is having a breakdown).
Either ignore her or reply "sorry your child has nits. My kids have never had them" (actually I wouldn't, I'd leave her hanging)

@MincePudding op said her children don’t have nits?

Someone obviously told her your child had nits. She sounds crazy though so I wouldn't try to have a discussion with someone like that. Im sorry OP but I think just move on and ignore.

Shocked the school have just dismissed that to be honest

Have it printed onto Xmas cards and hand them out on the last day of term anonymously. Then sit and watch the class WhatsApp with a nice glass of wine.

Schools do not require children to be kept out of school even if they do have nits these days.

That text is deranged. How does she even have your number if you’re not friends? I would just block her number and ignore it entirely. Don’t respond further. She sounds dangerous.

My money is on her child coming home with bits and when she has mentioned it to her group of school mum friends, someone malicious has given your child’s name to her go stir up trouble.

Along the lines of - “I bet it was Suzie, her mum is dirty and doesn’t brush her hair ….”

This woman has then gone off half cocked at you.

Oh and nuts can very easily be got rid of by using Turkish cologne as the alcohol kills them and the eggs and the lemon deters them. Just put in a spray bottle and spray hair and scalp. Job done.

Based on the other parent immediately shutting the conversation down, I am guessing that it's been decided by the court of playground Mums and they are all in agreement that your child is the one spreading lice.

I wouldn't be surprised if the school isn't also complicit in this rumour.

Are you absolutely 100% sure they don't have lice? If they are going around then you do need to be fully coating the hair with conditioner and doing a full comb through with a nit comb twice a week.

Even if they do though, there's no reason for that text and the school should be acting on it. I'd block her so you don't get any more.

She sounds completely unhinged. And yes, like she’s having a mental health situation or possibly substance abuse (either drunk or on a come down).

I wouldn’t engage, but I would notify the school (wouldn’t expect them to do anything other than acknowledge it as part of any overall safeguarding record for her children) and if it was multiple messages, I’d consider reporting to 101 online as harassment.

Again, police probably won’t action it unless she made actual threats of harm, but it creates a record in case it continues and you want to pursue charges for malicious communication.

We had something similar with another parent, except the parent sent a message like that direct to my dd’s phone (they are in secondary school) having gotten her number from their child’s phone. It made threats against dd and against us because dd made a witness statement against their child for an incident of racist abuse at school. The police did take the statement and I did speak at length with an officer who was very helpful. He offered to go have a word, but in the end, we agreed to leave the report on record so that if we were ever contacted again, they would be able to pursue charges for harassment. It’s been silence since, but I’m glad we did it and the complaint is there in case we need it.

she’s a bit mentally unstable or an alcoholic and this is what she’s like when drinking. I’d say the other mum has seen this happen before hence not getting involved, and you’re best to just cut her out. Don’t let it stop you chatting and being friendly to anyone else, but your life will be simpler if you try and keep a line between her and you. It’s lucky your kids aren’t good friends as that makes it really complicated. From experience.

Hard not to read it in the voice of Vicky pollard

People keep saying are you sure your child doesn't have nits? Like that actually matters or will change anything. This mum is unhinged.

I think your best bet is to stay away from this woman and her friends. You get people like her, mouthy, aggressive and unreasonable. They are always up for a fight and will turn on you at any time. The best option is to stay off their radar as much as you can. Now you are in the unfortunate position of being targeted, and there appears to be little support from anywhere to address it, you might be best to say or do nothing to fuel the fire and wait for it to burn out. I doubt the police will do anything, and sadly, her keeping her DC away from yours is probably for the best if it removes her from your orbit.
As for changing schools, if this type of thing is part if the wider culture amongst the parents, rather than just her as a one off, then yes, I probably would if I could.

You've already done all you need to by informing the school that there may be a problem. Now just leave it.

I'd ignore her totally. Block her on your phone, WhatsApp (yes, you have to do it separately as I once found out the hard way) and any social media. Then just move on. You don't have to be friends with her or her buddies if you don't want to be.

Ignoring her is probably the better option but I’m the sort of person who hates injustice so I’d probably have it out with her in the playground before the kids come out of school.

Even though I’m a short arse, I find that when you stand up to stupid people, they don’t expect it and will back down immediately and be as nice as pie to your face in the future. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Stop replying and communicate and partaking in these childish shenanigans.

Just because your children happen to attend the same school doesn’t mean you have to interact with her.

Don’t talk to her, don’t talk about her to other people. She no longer exists to you.

Focus on you and your children and your own lives and don’t give it another second of your time.

Obviously people don’t “let this go nowadays” it’s not something that happens very often.

in terms of not letting it go though, I think you need to decide what that means, especially if she has mental health problems (which it very much sounds like)

• police won’t do anything
• school very unlikely to be able to get her mental health support - particularly just for this text
• for many people “not letting it go” means going round there and punching her in the head- I’ll leave that to you to decide whether that’s your vibe

the school very likely are familiar with this woman. I don’t really understand the point from your solicitor- it sounds made up to be honest- but if that is a risk that’s reason enough for me to block her and stay away.

Honestly, if you do think she has mental health problems I’d be inclined to reframe it by thinking about how poorly this woman is and how scary and sad her life must be right now. Her poor kids

This.