Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

Changing your phone number is a massive ballache. Why would it force you to ignore? Cliche?

Bits and nuts 🤣

She’s mentally unwell, however her mental state is not your problem. Write official email to the school, report to police and let her know. She will look for another victim soon

OP says her solicitor has advised against this.

Class whatsapp - Name no names. "Hi All. Just to say I've had a text this week from one of this group, using some very unpleasant language, accusing me of not being a fit parent, and also accusing my child of giving someone else's child head lice. Just for the avoidance of doubt, my child has not actually ever had head lice, although as I understand it there have been a few cases in the class, and it's a pretty normal occurrence in a primary school. I have logged this text with the appropriate people, just in case of an escalation of this behaviour, but asked them to take no further action at this time, as I am sure it was just someone having a bad day, and that there will be no repeats."

1. She’s deeply unpleasant.
2. Block her
3. The school will have completed a safeguarding document over this so it is logged.
4. Reply. Cease and desist/ Do not contact me again. Screen shot her message and yours.
5. You can register this with the police. They won’t do anything but it’s a record.

Are you really bothered by this message 😃 That's nowhere near 'psychotic breakdown ' Haha!

Would love to see the context because theres obviously other text messages between you two before she goes off on one...

Really ????
You think that’s good advice !!!
Why would OP draw her on her .
She’s clearly aggressive, Avoid & ignore at all times .

1. Your kid doesn't have nits
2. She's unhinged but that's her problem not yours

Just block her and forget about it. You can't reason with people like this.

My word she's definitely unhinged and has no self control! Unfortunately there are parents like this who cause so many problems for everyone else. There's no way you can reason with this type of non founded disillusioned aggression other than make others aware and avoid, as you're doing. She will find her next drama very soon. Xxx

I’d absolutely report that to the cafcass team and the police
be open and honest about it.

She comes across as volatile and angry, not mentally unwell or psychotic in the slightest. I’d not be happy she has your contact details so I’d simply block her and breathe a sigh of relief she will no longer to able to message you. It’s not a nice message to receive but no authority has any role to play here at all. Feigning concern to other people about the woman’s mental health hasn’t done you any favours- the other mum was correct to tell you she wouldn’t be getting involved.

Block her, she's unhinged.

Personally I would tell her to fuck off and block her number. Some things just need a clear and direct message.

I think her group of friends needs to see this text! She is completely nuts and horribly aggressive.

I recall that if a child was found with nits, the specific childs parents were told discreetly and then a generally advisory went out about nits without naming names.

That being the case, I would respond to the message explaining that you have never seen nits on your kids despite checking regularly but would expect that at some point it would happen as its just part of life and they are most common in young children due to frequent head-to-head contact.

Explain that you have not been advised by the school your child had nits so you don't know where this has come from unless she was just sending a round robin.

Stay factual and don't drop to her level.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. I wonder what the world is coming to. This week I had a young Mum scream abuse at me at the dog park because my dog crowded her dog trying to get in the gate (something I didn’t see). First thing I was aware of was her screaming from the other side of the enclosure, she had a young child with her 4 or 5 yo, screaming foul language, she walked off screaming then came back 10 mins later and started screaming again, this time worse. She called me a fat bitch and told me to get off my fat arse and go back to my own country (I am from the UK but now live overseas). It was a horrible experience and left me shocked so I know how this has probably affected you. I tell this story as I think somehow it may help to know that you’re not alone, this seems to be becoming the norm now. It’s a sad fact. I hope you have support and I hope you’re doing ok now. x

Report that to the police and consider the future of your child in that school if they think that is normal from a parent that from someone mentally unstable . The minimum the school should be doing is offering protection to your children

you need to go no contact as she's likely a sociopath. I'd raise it as a safeguarding issue though, her poor children

Agree, shes sounds Chavtastic and like she's targeted you, possibly bc of the Park stuff and now your her in her sights ...it really feels like she's channeling her anger into this on a different level. And looking for a scapegoat/ victim.
It's the ' your dirty/ a bad mum ' and ' I've told my kids not to sit with yours'

Also how the other mum said ' she's not getting invovled' surely that's code for ' I've heard her go off about you enough all ready and I'm siding with her '
This is a personal attack and what you should be concerned about. There's a level of stoking something up that shouldn't be ignored, incase now she's found a target and she's looking for a fight/clash/intimidation exchange.

I would either send her a neutrally toned, but firmly worded response with some illusion to a vauge authority being involved if she was to carry on.

' hi Sandra, the nit outbreaks can be pretty gruesome but mine are checked regularly so that hasn't been a issue for us so far, as they are nit free.
Have to say that wall of text was alot,
In an already stressful time, so have had a word to with the school welfare team ( insert some relivant safe guarding scheme)
About escalating this should it carry on.
My kids are well looked after, I know this time of year is extra stressful, but I'm not open receiving abuse like this under any circumstance, especially as we haven't had nits in our house this term I don't appreciate this being unfairly aimed at me or my children'

And or consider moving

Agree! Too many people get away with this type of behaviour and need calling out on it...who cares about being the "bigger person" and rising above it!! Don't let her get away with it!

Totally agree. Someone upthread said she’s ‘obviously’ got ‘severe’ mental health problems. Absolute rubbish! Have these people got any idea what severe mental health problems actually are? What she ‘obviously’ is is vile and abusive.

It is a horrible message.

You should not have responded. At all. When people are abusive, don’t engage. Your message about ‘are you alone with your kids’ sounds weirdly goading. Why is that your business? Is it faux-concern?

You should not have contacted another mum. I read the message of “I’m not getting involved” as something which might reflect on you as much as the other mum.

Despite sharing an actual screenshot of the message sent, you seem not to be sharing other messages sent between you and this mum, such as the one where she hopes you fall down the stairs (the closest to an actual threat you have received).

Given that I think there is a lot not being shared here, and probably shouldn’t be, now you have shared a screenshot of the actual text here - if you are concerned there is a genuine risk to your daughter or yourself, you need to let school safeguarding and leadership know. They should take it seriously. If you are known for falling out with other mums, troublemaking or sending abusive messages yourself, they will be more inclined to see it as ‘six of one, half a dozen of the other.’ It isn’t a school’s job to manage adult women’s relationships. It is their job to safeguard and look after children.

A message like that would have me taking off my earrings and putting on breathable clothes and timberland boots!! Obvs, the next day after she has sobered up, that is just nasty behaviour on her part and in my attire minus the earrings, I would be calling her out at the school gate once the children were in. Fucking keyboard warrior cunt, calling children dirty and dumb ... really?