Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

I'd post on class whasapp... with

Hi xxx, i think you've been hacked as I've received this random incoherent message from you? Thought safer to post on a group chat rather than individually in case anyone else has received the same, but see below. Hope all ok'

Genius!

My daughter had nits multiple times in primary school. She went to an alternative school where one of the children had dreadlocks and several children never had their hair brushed! Everyone accepted that kids get nits and, while it was a bit annoying knowing some parents weren't treating it, we all got on with it. Nobody abused anybody!

This person dumping all that on you isn't acceptable in any way. I've got no advice, but I just wanted to say I'd be upset too and also upset that people you're reporting it to are just shrugging their shoulders and saying 'just ignore her'. This stuff is nasty.

No. Dont put it on the class WhatsApp grp. Absolutely no good will come of it.

Report it to the school formally due to potential.impact on your kids (being told to not be friends). Tell them specifically that you aren't reporting to police but will do so if it continues (if school is 'leaky' then this likely to get back to perp).

Listen to your solicitor (so don't actually report unless no impact on case etc ). You have bigger fish to fry...

Change tac if your kids even hint about any bullying and then update solicitor and look for new schools.

I feel like I know this woman, do you live in East Sussex?

Yes I would screenshot it and put in class chat ‘In response to this rather delightful message I have received from one of the parents, I would like to personally inform everyone that none of my children have or had nits. Even if they did, it does not warrant abuse. For the record, nits are commonly spread amongst children and head-lice do not prefer clean or dirty hair; they can be found on any type of hair. Children nor parents should be shamed!’

That's irrelevant. There is an accusation from a third party and her solicitor has advised her not to engage (pesumably because it becomes womething that can be pulled into various assessments and judgements and will be like a Christmas present for a malicious ex to be be able to use it against her). The truth is utterly irrelevant.

In fact, if you wanted to be suspicious, you could speculate that the ex asked or paid her to wind OP up and get her to take the bait.

It's about playing the game the way she has been advised to get the best possible outcome for her children.

I'd be really really upset by this and even more so after the responses of other people.
Seems like the school have completely missed the point - it's not really about the nits, it's about the level of abuse and the threatening nature.
Must also be horrible if you've experienced DV to experience this kind of abuse.
No idea what I'd do but hope you're doing ok.

At my kids school there is a woman who refuses to treat her kids lice. Everyone hates her for it. I think if someone sent such a message bar the insults towards the innocent children the message sender would be praised by the other parents.
Im not saying the op is necessarily like the woman at my kids school though just if people believe she is posting a screenshot in the chat might not have the expected effect

If it hadnt been lunchtime I would think she had been on the gin to be honest.

My son keeps getting pin worms. As fast as I can treat them, they come back and there really is only one family that I can think that wouldn’t bother to treat their child for them. (They are often neglected and I have reported it to the appropriate people) What I would never do is message the mum. A) because she wouldn’t do anything and b) because it just causes drama.
The fact that this mum has actually had the temerity to message you a full rant like that just blows my mind.

The other mum “I’m not getting involved”. What a fucking cop out.

Same at my school there was one kid who everyone thought had the nits, as the mother never treated the child, everyone else was getting treated religiously , she was adamant the child didn’t have nits and was doing some hippy dippy shite to the kids hair which she felt prevented them ever getting nits. Everyone could have been wrong but everyone had had enough, I’m fairly sure if someone sent that text to the mum everyone would have been cheering them on.

i myself was so frustrated by it, utterly furious and did tell my daughter to keep away from that kid and not put her head near them. All the parents were discussing it, letters were coming out from school; eventually the school spoke to the parents, as ever kid would come in on a Monday having been treated, have it done again a couple of days later, except one kid who was never ever treated. It is impossible this was the only child who never got them,

so I’m sure the op is right, her kids never had them and all the parents are mistaken, and I suspect they all think it thsts why the other mum said she wasn’t getting involved, but it’s not uncommon there is always one parent who doesn’t treat or uses some ineffective herby crap that doesn’t work, when everyone else is in there with the pesticides.

I actually do think this is so random and extreme that you probably can just ignore it. Based on it and how others who know her have responded my guess is that she kicks off about something new every day. I had a neighbour who was the same once and had to be burned a couple of times before I realised I could just delete and ignore and she would move right on like nothing had ever happened.

Who did you speak to at school? I'd want to speak to the head on this. This person's mental health could be impacting on her dc and could escalate.

That's unhinged. Op hasn't come back but I'd ask what OP ethnicity is incase there is an element of racism here. Either way I'd be furious at the school for not giving a shit

Yes I can well believe the op is innocent and not like the women we know I know the one I know wouldn’t even respond to such a message or be bothered by it let alone post online about it.

Im blessed with a son who doesn’t mind being bald but hearing about what the girls and their parents go through the daily combings, expensive bottle of lotion etc. damn right if I had a girl I’d send such a message minus the insults towards the children

I was thinking the same thing. It would be hard for me to move on from a text like this especially now how awkward it would be at playground drop off. Sorry OP that’s really nasty.

Hi op I would reply soz u have the wrong mum my dd does not have nits and never has so you are swearing at the wrong person. Then block her!

I think we've found the new leader for Your Party.

(It's a joke, don't come at me. I'm just saying she's a fucking nut job.)

Which tells you absolutely nothing about the schools opinion of the OP at all. However, this comment says a lot about you!

"So, who's a totally deranged little whackjob, then? That's right, it's yooooooooo!"

Even if your kids did have nits that text is completely batshit.
I would have responded with the facts and then blocked her. And ignore her going forward.

I don’t know what else you want? Her Arrested? Kicked out of school? A big legal bill? There’s no winners by pursuing this.

And yet op hasn’t returned 🤣

I cannot believe the school have done nothing. I'm so shocked! If that was our school, the parent be would be banned from the grounds, most likely.

Is your ex shagging/ paying her?