Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

Block her now.

Personally, as there's a cliche, I'd change my mobile number.....that way you're kind of forced to ignore it...which I think is the right thing.

Nah , nahhhh I would role her jaw off I was you

I’d really with…. If my child had nits which she doesn’t, you do realise they stick to CLEAN hair! You dumb f**k! I would not be having anyone send me any texts like that. To get the children involved will result in bullying!!!! Trust me I’ve been there!

Problem is, nobody knows how to respond to this kind of stuff on social media. Which gives the people prepared to go there - either through MH issues or pure spite - a huge advantage.

I don't know what to advise OP other than, for me, moving schools would not be an overreaction as long as my kids were fine with it - and it sounds like yours would be.

She obviously lost it, and seeing the reactions of other parents and the school it would seem they know her and that she has a habit of this kind of posts. I would stay fár away from her - and not only right now. Make it known - through the grapevine - that your child is nitsfree and always has been. Continue saying friendly hi's and goodby's but don't look at her or try to contact her. She seems the type who could take affront if even you wave at her.

Personally, I’d be really really nice to her and make it public so everyone sees that you’re not the problem parent, she is.
She will make her own bed when she gets the reputation of being that mom. The other moms won’t want to get too involved with her and will also start distancing themselves eventually. Just keep your decorum about you and ‘kill them with kindness’ and all that.
If she’s got anything redeeming about her, she will feel guilty for talking to you and about your child so harshly, and will apologise. If she’s doesn’t, no loss.
I don’t think you and your child/ren will be ostracised in the long run, you just have to get through it right now. She will get bored and move on to another parent eventually, the ‘adults’ like this always do.

I think this was a drunk message. She might have an alcohol problem, whatever the problem is she is clearly not well.

"Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names"

This makes me suspect that they think your child might be the issue too, honestly. They would never name names? Irrelevant since you say your child doesn't have them. Weird.

Don't put it past teachers to gossip to the "cool mums" about this stuff. It happens all the time. If changing schools is an easy option, honestly I would, because these kids and these parents sound pretty vile.

I’d make that message public and be nothing but polite to everyone. In forwarding the message I wouldn’t throw insults just calmly put that you check your child for nits and make sure they are ready for school so the message isn’t warranted.

When my two were in primary there was a similar mother who had mental health and addiction problems. Some of the mums delighted in the drama of it all but I felt sorry for her son and didn’t comment or get involved unless something happened to my child in school. School gate friendships can be a minefield but the parents that I liked stood the test of time and others we had no desire to keep in touch with. Being a full time teacher at the time I was rarely there in the morning and WhatsApp groups and play dates I hardly touched.

I felt like sending messages like this - but never did - when my kids got headlice for the umpteenth time at school. Every parent who treats themselves and their children properly knows there is at least one parent who is blind to them and merrily sends the children in to reinfect others, again. It has been known to drive even the sanest person to breaking point.

No idea what you should do about the text OP, but I would absolutely be getting a second opinion on if you kids have nits.

Screenshot, send to school by email so it's officially on record, show the police the threats, then block, block, block.
Ask the school to make sure the kids are in different classes next year.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

Wow. You are soo nice with your reply. I would have messaged back and said "Oh sorry, I think you have an incorrect number"
Block and delete

That’s really really unhinged

report to school so they are aware. The children are possibly at risk

If this is real, this woman is unwell.

I went to a kids party on Saturday. Had a conversation with several mums about which of our kids had and didn’t have nits, and how best to treat them. It was not a big deal, and was accepted as somewhat of an inevitability.

There was a child when I was at school (who on reflection was being seriously neglected) who had head lice so badly that you could see her whole head move if you sat behind her in class. Clearly no one was sending her mum unhinged text messages though!

I know nits are annoying but they are really hard to
spot, treat and also totally harmless

Thats why they haven’t died off.

It’s not the bubonic plague. Nobody keeps their child off school because of it. She’s a psycho

I remember the nit years, it's not nice, no-one can really accuse any child/parent of being the culprit it's pretty pointless. All you can do is the same as any other parent which is nit come at every wash/condition. I used tea tree shampoo & conditioner when DD was going through this and occasionally the recommended nit treatment until they were gone for good. DD was never made to feel like she was the culprit, more like it's an ongoing battle mums don't talk about they just deal with it like any other issue.

The mother sounds unhinged carrying off like she is doing.

Apparently nits prefer healthy clean hair.
personally I would be looking for a new school. If this crap continues it would be good to have a reserve plan. I do think though, this woman is likely to upset someone else soon. So you won’t be her only victim for long. She sounds like a nut job.

I would also share the note with the headteacher, I am sure they would want to know.

She’s a nutter, nits are part of school life unfortunately and I promise you school do not ever gives names as to who might have them (am a primary teacher)

This

I would report this to the police. I can’t believe people like that exist.

This! 👆🏻

I’m sorry you received that. It’s a horrible thing to read but honestly, she is having a massive meltdown and it’s not about you and completely about her. It’s a shame the school sounds like they’re being really unsupportive. I wonder if she was using substances at the time because that’s not the action of a sound / sober mind.

I agree the school should know. It's all very well to say the school can't control the behaviour of crazy parents, but they need to be aware in case it spills out into school, with kids picking on each other.

I wouldn't engage directly with this woman, just block her.

Clearly its abuse and harrassment but what could you do about it? Police may or may not be interested or do anything. If they did it could stir up more trouble. That leaves a civil case for harrassment but if it has only happened once then its not a pattern. You dont want to cross paths with the court case as it could have implications. Keep it seperate and keep the school mum issues out of it.

You could reply and try and de-escallate and make nice with her - be the responsible calm one. This is the best option. You need all your energy and focus for the court proceedings

I'd have just sent her a thumbs up emoji to tip her right over the edge. 👍