To tell my sister I don’t want to see her anymore if she doesn’t discipline my nephew for biting me?

[IGrewUpInTheFallOut]

My sister is a single mum to two children - my nephew, who is 14, and my niece, who is 13. My nephew has autism and her husband left when he realised how tough things would be.

I’ve just got back from a weekend of babysitting for her which has been a bit of a nightmare. My nephew used to be quite violent and angry, but my sister put him into kickboxing when he was 7 and he’s flourished, and it has really helped him regulate himself.

When I arrived yesterday, she warned me that he was quite overstimulated and that I just needed to follow the basic routine (get him to bed at a reasonable hour). I left him to his own devices until I went into his room at about 10:30 and asked him to put his iPad down and go to sleep.

He immediately grabbed hold of me and bit my arm, it must have been about twenty seconds before he let go. He was screaming at me to leave his room by that point, so I did, and went downstairs. I told my sister when she got home today, and she said she would have a word with him.

I’ve just got home and seen how bad it is (I’ve attached a picture). I sent it to her and asked how she had dealt with it and she said she asked him, but he said he felt overwhelmed and didn’t want to go to sleep, so he lashed out. She says that in her mind, that’s the end of it and she won’t be pushing it further as he can’t help feeling overwhelmed.

I’ve said in that instance I don’t feel comfortable being around him again and I won’t attend family Christmas. Now she and my mum are telling me that I’m selfish and I will ruin the Christmas period for everyone if I don’t come.

AIBU to draw this line in the sand?

Sorry, what? No, I don’t have “multiple accounts”. I’m at work and I’ve only periodically been checking in because some of the comments have really upset me and made me feel incredibly shit about myself.

I wouldn't put myself in that position either. Human bites can be very bad, watch that area closely, plus, you were terrified that you were physically attacked.

These are the consequences of him assaulting you and your sister not addressing it at all. You don't feel safe watching her kids anymore and she's going to have to make other arrangements. That's just how it is.

It's OK to prioritize your physical safety and freedom from bodily harm over her wish for you to provide babysitting for her.

Are you trying to say that any of the posters who agree with the OP (myself included) are actually the OP in disguise? Wow, that's insane.

1967 people have voted, with considerably over half thinking the OP isn't being unreasonable. Do you think she faked all those votes too?

I have largely stayed away because this thread has really upset me.

How about you provide some proof of your random accusations?

Or hey, how about I accuse you of being a liar, a thief and a cheat. Oh, am I wrong? Oops, nothing to worry about eh, as you were.

Accusations of anything shouldn't be made lightly. There's a reason we have the principle of innocent until proven guilty.

You're meant to report if you have suspicions, not troll hunt, it's against guidelines.

Lol. I've agreed with the OP as well, despite knowing that dysregulation really is a thing because of my own experience experience with DD1. I’ve spoken about her on other threads so I’m definitely not the OP in disguise.

It’s not ‘ableist’ either to say that other family members should not be expected to put themselves at risk to help care for a dysregulated child/teenager who has form for violence. Or for them to expect some concern for their upset if they have been assaulted by the said child/young person whether they were dysregulated or not.

I'm wondering which accounts are supposed to be the socks?

I'm also trying to figure how someone would have the time to post from multiple accounts. In spite of my arthritic pinky sob I can still touch-type at a fair belt, to the extent that Twitter twice suspended me for 'automated behaviour', but I can't figure how I'd manage to fill a thread with 'multiple accounts'.

Can I ask what it is that’s upsetting you? The thread has largely been in agreement with you.

@MyKindPanda "That being said, OP clearly has multiple accounts commenting to themselves too, which will account for many of these pages." How do you arrive at this conclusion? Based on what evidence?

The victim blaming has been very tough for me because I have experienced other things in my past which I faced victim blaming for and it really affected me for a long time.

You’ve done nothing wrong. You were involved in an unprovoked assault by a fourteen year old. Sending flowers and hugs.

Okay. If possible, focus on the many many people who have agreed with your posts.

Please ignore the bullies. Just disregard them entirely. You do not have to subject yourself to online abuse. Just read the comments of people that resonate with you and ignore the rest.

Jesus she has been bullied relentlessly here by some very angry people. Why ask her to rehash it?

You can't stop people on the Internet, but don't accept any blame from your mother or sister. You tried to help out but they failed to judge his needs and (dis)abilities and they didn't tell you how to manage him safely (if they even knew!) and as a result you got hurt and shocked and scared.

Maybe to them he's still just a little boy with a disability. But that's not who he is any more, and it's not doing him favours any more. They need to take this incident very seriously so they can think how to support him best as he grows up into a man.

I don't blame them either. But you have every right to take a break and a reset over Christmas. And a "big gesture" like that may be what they need to understand how serious this behaviour is for his future.

Ignore them. There are some very disturbed people posting. The poll is in your favour.

I would feel exactly the same way. I have a non violent autistic son but have been around a volatile autistic teen and I was very uncomfortable. I have witnessed violence as a child so It terrifies me.
If he can treat you like this and has physical skills to really hurt you no wonder you're concerned.
Follow your gut instinct, you have a right to protect yourself.

Bullied. When did saying things people disagreed with become bullying.

That is some very big language for what really is a debate. That is what MN is for.

I wasn’t asking anyone to traumatise themselves. The overwhelming majority of people have agreed with OP that her sister either shouldn’t expect people to babysit her challenging son, or should give them better support to do so.

It does just seem a shame if all of those posts have been lost in the ones that didn’t agree. Because there really are many who have.

Well whatever you said to me was clearly offensive. I didn’t even get chance to open the notification and read it before it had been deleted.

Shame.

I imagine this is why you've taken your DSis lack of apology so much to heart, you got attacked and she's shrugged it off. Obviously she doesn't want to upset her DS again but it wouldn't hurt for her to acknowledge your discomfort