To ask OH not to work every weekend?

[Frazzled89]

New poster.
Me and my H have three children, aged 7, 5 and 2. I work only part tike two days a week. H has a full time job and has the two days off that i work mid week. He works long shifts so not at work for 5 days but he has worked every weekend almost all year and says it will be the new norm from now on.
I hate to admit but I'm really struggling. He's gone for 12 hours or more every sat and sun and his work days during the week. On weekends it feels like such a heavy load looking after kids and doing everything else, plus bed times are a constant battle. They are lovely children but spirited and honestly wear me out 😅. I am quite isolated as I don't drive and live in a small town. I asked him can he not change one weekend day for week day or just work alternate weekends, but be says he can't. I asked if he could drop half a day but he says it will mess up the mortgage (I'm not on the mortgage so don't really know about these things). He says the only way is I give up my two shifts.
He says he may want another baby. I've been asking him to get a vasectomy for three years but he's never made an appointment even. I don't think I could cope with another if he's never here at weekends but then we're getting older (I'm 35 he's 51) so may be my last chance.

AIBU to pressure him to change work schedule or do I have to suck it up and stop moaning? I know many parents have it much harder.

Anyone can phone a mortgage provider and ask what their procedures are for their mortgage products, what they require in terms of income changes or reassessment to add another person etc. Otherwise, how would anyone know what mortgage to apply for? Of course they won't talk to someone about an account that is not in their name, that's not what I'm suggesting.

It's him that sounds selfish. You're doing all the heavy lifting looking after x3 still very young children mostly on your own. That's super hard and can be lonely; you need support raising children and it sounds like he's never there to do his share...and he's also missing out on his children growing up and not connecting with you or the kids at all. It sounds like not only is he not there emotionally or practically, he's also has total financial control . You should be paying a percentage of your earnings into a joint 'pot', not 50/50! You also sound extremely (and unnecessarily) critical of yourself and remind me of a time when I was in a controlling relationship nearly 20 years ago....it may be that he's belittled/degraded/criticised you to such an extent (perhaps without even realising it) that you actually believe that you're not worthy . It's not true! I'm sorry but reading your posts make me feel uneasy and lots of 'red flags' are pinging around all over the place. He's treating you like dirt and you go along with it to keep the peace/keep the family together/avoid arguments etc etc...but you absolutely dserve better that this coercively controlling relationship. I'm so sorry. Please seek help via Women's Aid xx