Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

I suppose it wouldn't harm given the amount of information she shared.

But do people really have such public meetings in coffee shops that can be overheard by anyone and everyone?

I find that really strange.

Have the workplace got a social media page? You could look through their followers and see if she appears there?

I think so. “Mary, this is Jane - we met at Costa on X Street on Friday. I’m sorry, I lost the paper with your phone number on - I’m on 07…..”

Have you looked on social media?

I wouldn't be keen to go through her workplace tbh, depends on the place though. If it's a family run corner shop then fair enough, if it's a massive insurance company then probably not, especially as you don't have her last name and would have to give personal details to make her identifiable.

I’d try a Facebook search or something else first before contacting a work place. That’s quite an extreme thing to do for someone you only just met, briefly.

I already have and I can’t find her on there unfortunately.

I’ve tried through Facebook and LinkedIn too but I can’t find her. I don’t have her surname though, I only have her first name so it’s tricky.

Her workplace is a large national organisation.

Why were you in a care planning meeting in a coffee shop?!

I can’t get past, “She heard the whole meeting.”

I think I’d try visiting the coffee shop again on the off chance I bumped into her again before trying through her workplace.

In lots of organisation this would be considered a breach of security and could cause her some issues.

Agreed. This is awful OP, can’t you see how hugely inappropriate this was?

Maybe speak to the local authority assuming she fosters through the same LA. But don’t tell them about her overhearing the meeting - seriously that is not appropriate (what if it was family member of the child or someone else who knows them?))

Unprofessional to have such a private meeting about vulnerable children, in a public space.

My flabber is ghasted that you thought it was reasonable to have a care planning meeting in Costa!

In lots of organisation this would be considered a breach of security and could cause her some issues.

Yes, it must be an agency (and a bad one at that) rather than the council, who would see it as a massive security breach.

And the OP was probably using an unsecured Wi-Fi connection.

She only heard me talking, not what social services were saying. I had my headphones in and was doing the meeting that way. I was in a rush and wasn’t going to get home in time for the meeting so I did it from a Costa as a one off only.

I’ve been back to the Costa since and I’ve left my number there too.

Then no.

I also agree with the others about your meeting about a child being overheard, then you randomly discussing private details with a stranger being a massive safeguarding failure on your part.

She clearly heard enough to know you were discussing the care of vulnerable children that you have been trusted to protect in a public venue.

Really, really bad form.

I can't believe you still don't see it as hugely inappropriate to log on to a coffee shop's public internet connection, and take part in a care planning meeting 🤦‍♀️

It doesn't matter, it's still hugely inappropriate.

I wouldn’t do it again but I was in a really bad rush and wasn’t going to get home in time, it really was a one off that was.

And you said nothing specific about the children in your care then? So what was your contribution to the meeting? How can a care planning meeting be effective if the foster carer isn't contributing? Or did you in fact discuss a child in care's personal business in a coffee shop?

She didn’t say if she fosters with the same LA or not but I might speak to the LA too.