Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

Do you accept that you don't share information with strangers?

You also had a two hour conversation with someone you don’t know from Adam about your fostering. Just how much private information about these children have you shared with a complete stranger? In your shoes I’d not be trying to track her down - I’d be seriously reflecting on how you get your support needs met through more secure channels and revisit the concepts of privacy and confidentiality.

Honestly it doesn’t matter if it happens again. You have could have put a child at risk. The damage is already done. That stranger could be anyone- including someone who poses a risk to that child.

the fact you made such a poor decision for no other reason that you running late would also raise massive concerns for me- what other decisions could you make if you were under some kind of pressure?

Do you accept you shouldn't have spoken to a total stranger about your fostering situation for two hours as well?

I hope MN don't take this down as this is such an important topic.

Far too many people are careless about working and discussing things in public

An unencrypted network means she could've shared all the information on her laptop across the world.

I accept that I shouldn’t have done the meeting in a Costa (that’s the first time I’ve ever done a meeting in a public place and it will also be the last time) and that won’t happen again. But that isn’t what this thread is about, that’s not the question that I asked.

Unbelievable and unacceptable you that you sat in a coffee shop to have the meeting then you share information with a random stranger. I would strongly recommend that you inform your SSW about the breaches.

I'm appalled that not only was a confidential meeting held in a public space but the IRO or other professionals didn't comment. Was your camera off? I start all my virtual meetings with a privacy and confidentiality reminder. The young people you care for are some of our most vulnerable in society. You need to respect them and their information and no you should not try seek this person out through work either. Is the fostered child from the LA boundary where this coffee shop is? What if you were also overheard by someone connected to the child? I would contact your SSW to discuss further training

Sorry but I'm aghast that you thought a Costa was an appropriate place for the meeting.

We've answered that question too - to repeat
a) the fact you had the conversation shows a gross like of boundaries and is a serious data breach
b) it's astonishing you are even asking about tracking her down at work. Clearly that's not acceptable

Do you still not accept that you shouldn't have been talking to her let alone trying to track her down? If you want to talk to other foster carers ask your agency or the local authority to set up a support group instead of trying to hunt down random strangers who may not be who they say they are.

The only thing i can take away from this post is that if i was in a cafe and i had to sit and listen to someone on a Zoom meeting and i could hear everything being said ( probably some of which should be confidential considering the subject ) i'd have to go up and tell them to STFU !! 😤

in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting

Did I just read this? YABU totally for doing a confidential meeting in a fucking coffee shop.

Good Lord!

You don’t seem to recognise how inappropriate the following 2 hour conversation was with a complete stranger.

Were you in care as a child OP?

It's all connected though as it shows you have total lack of awareness over what's acceptable and what's not.

Ok so to answer your question on should you try to trace her NO! You do not know who this person is or whether they could pose a risk to the child in your care.

You keep saying it was a one off as if that makes it acceptable behaviour.

If I walked into a shop and punched a granny in the mouth but then said to the police "it was a one off because I was in a rush and she was in the way of the cheese!" do you think they'd just go "oh well as it was a one off that makes it ok!"

A one off breach of privacy, security and trust is just as big a deal as doing it every week mate.

What I don’t understand is why the only thing you’re focusing on is finding this woman, not sorting out the potential issues with the care of the child you were discussing.

Ir sounds like everyone in that cafe could hear your side of the conversation. I bet you mentioned the child’s name, and enough information to enable people to identify them.
^^
The child is now in serious danger

Anyone in that cafe now knows enough about them to find them. You don’t know who the other customers were. If the child is in care for safety reasons, that has now flown out the window and you should, if you were thinking straight, now ask for them to be moved as you cannot guarantee their safety. But you can’t do that, can you, as it will show how bloody idiotically lax you have been with their personal information.

And yes, maybe I am over-reacting but the one thing you learn, even when starting the approval process for becoming foster carers is to never, ever, discuss the child’s personal information or care plan in public. It’s drummed in even before you’re approved, ffs.
(Yes, we started the process but pulled out as I became seriously ill).

It beggars belief that you’re so blasé about the whole thing and just going ‘oh I won’t hold a meeting in Costco again’. I agree with earlier PP - I honestly don’t think it was the first time you’ve done this either.

Imagine being in that Costa having to listen to one half of that meeting? So rude to do Zoom calls in a coffee shop.

Wow, a zoom call in Costa, that others overheard. Disgraceful.
Your actions and the system.

Don't discuss a foster kids private business in public, or to a complete stranger for hours, and no, don't hunt down the stranger.
She could be anyone and has now been given sensitive information about vulnerable kids.

You could ask the foster agency for extra training in data protection and safeguarding the kids.

...and yet OP acknowledges that it would be a confidentiality breach if her new "friend's" employer gave out her contact details.

It seems like she thinks some people are entitled to privacy, but not the vulnerable children in her "care"