Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

Why Costa Coffee Wi-Fi is Insecure

• Shared Password: The password is often publicly displayed or given to all customers, meaning anyone on the network can potentially monitor traffic from other users.
• Lack of Encryption: The connection itself often lacks proper encryption at the network level, making data vulnerable to interception by sophisticated users on the same network (sometimes called "eavesdropping").
• Public Access: As with any public Wi-Fi, you have no control over the security practices of other users or the network administration.

It's not ALL about the overheard conversations but the OP seems to be completely ignoring this fact.

What you mean she knew? And just didn’t give a shit?

Forget the whole oddball connection here. I am staggered that you held a confidential meeting in a public place allowing every Tom, Dick and Harry to overhear.

Given you conduced a care planning meeting in Costa, that could be clearly overheard by others! You have no regard whatsoever for anyone's privacy, or GDPR! So the question is surprising. Maybe the children that you are caring for should be the priority in this scenario. If you do get in touch with the other foster carer, you should probably remind her that she has a duty of care to report your actions.

I'm pretty shocked at this thread!

YABVVVVVU. You put the child at serious risk of harm. Well done

And not only is that child endanger but anything that was discussed that could place birth parents/ potential adopters etc at danger. you have potentially breached more than one persons personal data.

To answer the question, absolutely don’t stalk this woman via her workplace. Obviously.

To add to the many (justifiably) horrified voices here - attending a confidential meeting about a child in care in a Costa is an appalling breech of their privacy AND the professional standards of your role. You had no right to do this. Any professional knows that confidential meetings must not be held in public spaces. Foster carers are professionals.

you are justifying this because it was a one off and you ran out of time. The correct thing to do would be to email the social worker to let them know you weren’t able to attend, and agree to join late when you got to somewhere private, or give an update later and get the updates from others after the meeting.

The other foster carer overheard you and identified what the meeting was , and this means that the other people around you could do the same.

I know it isnt helpful to pile on , and others have rightly slammed you for this … but you don’t seem to get how bad this was!!

As a social worker I’m absolutely aghast that you are so casual about this. Children in care have a right to privacy and dignity. It is the responsibility of the professionals supporting them to ensure this.

@OneShyBear you seem to have an issue with organisation and boundaries. Not having left yourself enough time to get home for a planned professional meeting related to your employment as a foster carer shows a lack of priority. Then having the meeting in a public place (where you just happened to have your laptop and headphones with you) and someone else could clearly understand what you were talking about shows both lack of professionalism and disrespect for the dignity of your foster child/ren and related safeguarding. And now making a huge deal of tracking down this person through any means (couldn't you just have put her number straight into your phone at the time rather than bother with bits of paper?)
You don't show yourself in a very positive light I'm afraid.

Has it been suggested yet to start a social media search along the lines 'does anyone know Anne working for X and being a foster carer'? Explain the situation briefly and ask for your details to be passed on if anyone does. You would need to take a stab at a local group. For example join the group of a town you know she lives in.

I did that once with a lost friend and someone had alerted him and I woke up to a message from him the next day.

Your boundaries are really shocking, OP. I'm amazed you can't see that.

So you’re happy to put vulnerable children in danger, you seem almost gleeful about it.

But you also now want to stalk another adult via their workplace.

What other innapropriate thing are you going to choose to do this week?

I mean she must have realised others could hear her, but still held the meeting - so it does seem like the op didn’t care who heard or has absolutely no concept of quite how wrong her actions were.

Dear god no. Don't do this. See lengthy discussion above about confidentiality and boundaries

Exactly this! And I wonder why you’re having problems with social services, considering your inability to understand boundaries….

Exactly this! And I wonder why you’re having problems with social services, considering your inability to understand boundaries….

Exactly this! And I wonder why you’re having problems with social services, considering your inability to understand boundaries….

Wow the meeting is such bad form that I can’t get past it. If it were corporate you could be sacked for that crap. If she heard enough that she could ascertain the situation/what you do then that’s too much. I have meetings at home where I wear headphones and still go into a closed office so my husband doesn’t hear the details. Wtf. YABU

You need TRAINING URGENTLY. And a reprimand

Yes, brilliant suggestion! You could put in a load of details about the child/ren you or she care for too, in case she comes across it and recognises herself/you/the conversation.

🙄🙄

I agree. If her firm is a very small affair, and she mentioned which department she worked in, you could try ringing and asking for 'Jane' or whoever. If there are half a dozen Janes you won't have much luck but if there is only one in a small company, you would probably be put through to her.

It really wouldn't be a good idea to be asking for 'Jane' who has foster children, she may keep her private life private at work.

The firm may have a facebook group on which you could ask.

Hopefully no-one would be stupid enough to dox a local foster carer 🤦‍♀️

No it hasn't been suggested because it would be fucking stupid.

OP, I understand the press trawl through MN to find 'stories'. I have two suggestions for you.
One - advise the team to who you are responsible what a stupid thing you have done.
Two - ask MN to take this thread down.

That’s not an option at all. I wouldn’t make it public that she’s a foster carer.

Still refusing to answer
OP did the people the other end of the call know where you were?

Jesus fucking Christ.