Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

appropriateness of the location aside, does she work in a local office for that company? You could write her an actual letter there with her first name - if there are multiple presumably someone would open it and you can put a note in explaining. Presumably someone would know who to give it to as

Do you have a car? I've been in many a meeting from my car, it happens, but not from a coffee shop! You need to plan better if you don't drive, these meetings are important

DH is adamant its “weird” to go through her workplace but I was (and still am to be honest) willing to do it if I can’t find any other way to get back in contact. But I’m not sure if I’d be unreasonable to go through her workplace or not?

Honestly, leave it alone. You may come across her naturally. But you clearly have a poor understanding of what is and isn’t appropriate, listen to your husband.

No, don't go through her workplace. It's weird.

She wasn’t specific on where her office was but the company/organisation that she works for does have an office locally so I could try this possibly.

Absolutely unacceptable to have that meeting in Costa!!

And yes. You can't go through her workplace. That's not ok

You seem to have a really poor understanding of boundaries and I think you need more training if you are a foster carer

Well since there was no encryption, all the information on your laptop including your passwords, any sensitive data about the children, personal information and anything financial has been massively compromised.

So yes, it may well be a 'one off' if it's all in the hands of cyber criminals.

The agency certainly won't be giving you a chance to repeat it...

If you're going to tell the LA what you did, you may as well just jump before you're pushed.

I am concerned about your boundaries. Having a meeting in Costa on a child’s care where everyone could hear what you say. Now wanting to contact this woman’s work place and give information she may not wish them to know.

you need some help in determining appropriate behaviour. As neither is ok.

I'm gobsmacked that you held a meeting in a public place about something so confidential and cant see a problem.
I almost hope this other person reports you to the LA for such a dreadful breach of confidentiality.
The fact you can't see it's a problem would make me question your suitability to be a foster carer

Then you should have rearranged it. It's totally inappropriate for you to be having this meeting in public.

I don’t think that matters. I am an ex foster carer, and I’m astonished that you think this was acceptable.

She should have been home in time. It's not acceptable for a foster carer to rearrange a child's care planning meeting - nor it is acceptable for them not to plan to be in a suitable place when it takes place!

The lack of general boundaries here is unreal!!

I’m not going to mention having the meeting in a Costa but I’m also going to make sure that doesn’t happen again as well. It really was a one off because I rushing to get home and then realised I wasn’t going to get home in time.

You have boundary issues OP. First your meeting done in a coffee shop for everyone to hear and now obsessively trying to find this woman and being willing to contact her work. If this is real, it’s madness and you should know better as a foster carer and just from being an adult. Listen to your husband, this is not appropriate.

Were social services aware you were in a coffee shop and people were sitting listened as you breached these children’s confidentiality?

Put up posts on your local FB fostering/parent groups. She's likely to on them or someone who knows her.

And sorry but I'm also open mouthed at care plan mtgs in Costa.

Did the person at the other end of the meeting know you were in a public place?

You did a Care Plan Meeting in a public place where it could be overheard in its entirety? I can’t believe I’ve just read that? And you really think is ok?!
I wish I knew you so I could report you. Jesus Christ OP, these are vulnerable children you are looking after and all those details are completely confidential. Bloody hell, outrageous

You don't even know if she is a foster carer. She could be anyone. She could even be a journalist looking for stories about how crap social services are and you've happily sat for two hours chatting about god knows what.

It’s sad that you lost her number, but I wouldn’t track her through the workplace. Someone’s done this to me before and I found it a bit disconcerting.