Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

This is so unprofessional to have had that meeting in a coffee shop. As a teacher I remember not being allowed to be overheard at home when I did parents evenings online just after covid ended.

But its not just the meeting you shouldnt have had. You also shouldnt have had a 2 hour conversation with this woman you just met about your situation (also in a very public place). Its not an appropriate thing to do. Its not the right way to go about getting support.

Its like if a doctor was sitting in a coffee shop and you could hear their half of a meeting about a patient, youd feel very uncomfortable. It would be even worse if someone who'd overheard then joined the doctor introduced themselves and talked about that patient and their patients for 2 hours, in public where everyone could hear.

I think everyone is a bit shocked by your responses because they are very relaxed and dont seem to appreciate the seriousness of what you have done here. Lots of us (including me) work in roles where we would be sacked and struck off for doing this, and rightly so. Personal information extends so far beyond name/dob and address. The information you shared in the meeting doesnt belong to you. It belongs to the children you are caring for and you have a legal and moral responsibilty to keep it private. There are so many ways that this could have gone wrong, including people who are aware of the children overhearing and working out who you were talking about.

Running late isnt an excuse. Keeping things private is part of how you keep these kids safe.

I'm getting the impression that this hasnt really registered with you (although i hope its part of the training). If it hasn't and you think everyone is overreacting, this is a training need for you and to give the children (who im sure you care about) great care you need to make sure you learn more about your responsibilities.

Dont try to trace her. This whole situation is very inappropriate.

I wonder if she took OP’a details to report?

So you the value the privacy of adults you don’t know, but you’re more than happy to deny children any right to privacy. So you do understand privacy, you clearly just don’t think children in care are worthy of it.

I can’t believe you held a care planning meeting in public. Personal, presumably confidential information about children was shared by you loud enough for someone else to hear it. What it if had been a birth relative?

This is so galling to read, to think that vulnerable children are in the care of someone so lax.

Apart from other customers, who could have heard the meeting, people tend to act as though waiting staff are invisible. You have no idea what else the staff know about you if you are a regular there and they can piece together quite a lot.

Did you have your background blurred? You should have told the meeting chair you were in a public place and they would surely have given you instructions or options which did not include sitting in a cafe discussing something highly confidential.

Who hands their phone number over on a piece of paper?

Don’t you just enter it directly into your phone? And then dial it so both parties have the phone numbers.

Is this a joke?

Is it not bad enough that OP held a confidential meeting about vulnerable children in a public place and then followed it up with a two hour conversation with a complete stranger in the same public place?

Are you seriously suggesting she spreads the information on social media? Do you want to make sure that anyone who missed out on hearing it in Costa can read it on social media instead?

Those poor children...

Well then don't mention that fact? Just ask if anyone knows a Jane living in x town. Maybe give a rough age? I don't see whats wrong with it. If you are a foster carer you obviously will know what you can say and can't. Calling up her workplace is definitely batshit. This one isn't.

This ^

I think the OP would be wholly unreasonable to try to trace this woman through her employer.

Her employer really might not like it and it might bounce back on the employee.

If I were the OP I'd double and triple check for the piece of paper.

I'm waiting for the OP to have this deleted for "privacy concerns " which would quite possibly be the most ironic deletion message ever

Oh yes like this

”Does anyone know Anne Jones who works at legal and general and fosters James Taylor, Suzie Banks and Jessica Banks. I’m a foster carer too, I foster Stuart Little, you might remember me, we met when I chose to share private, and confidential information with everyone in costa coffee”.

Like others I am in TOTAL shock you had a personal care planning meeting in a public place

my friend who is a foster carer would be hauled over the rocks for that.

Oh stop it. It's not what I said or meant and you know it. I have come across a few of your posts and I always find them weird.

She clearly has no clue about what she can and can't say though 😂

I was wondering the same thing, although she acted inappropriately herself by talking to OP about it for two hours.

Maybe her details were made up.

Your suggestion was idiotic. It would show both women to have no grasp of data protection

I was wondering if she maybe made it up. To get more details out of OP.

That was my concern too!

Guessing this thread will go poof and op will ask mn to take it down due to privacy
pot kettle black

i I think someone needs to do some more safe guarding courses

I'd speak to the LA.

Echoing what others have said, I'm gobsmacked that you held this meeting in a public place. And that you're justifying it by saying that you were in a hurry.
That could be a sackable offence where I work and I would have thought that in children's services, even more so.

I'm not sure what I'm more gobsmacked about, the utterly disgraceful behaviour of the foster carer or the bloody advice that's being given 😳

It can still be done removing some data. But I think you aren't trying to be helpful at this stage and just want to insult others.