Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children)

This stood out as well. You shouldn’t be discussing your foster kids support needs with a random. So many issues, can this be real?

OP you’re really brushing off the comments about how wildly inappropriate it was to have this meeting in a public place. It’s really concerning that you’ve spoken to a stranger for 2 hours following her overhearing a care plan meeting, I think you need to work on boundaries and ask for some more training from the LA. You’re putting the child in your care at risk and it’s beyond unacceptable

@OneShyBear it is weird going through her workplace. This is a personal matter not a professional one.

My thoughts exactly

they could work for social services or the LA and wanted to see how indiscreet you were being about fostering a child and being so lax on safeguarding

i think id be letting this go Op it sounds

Somethings not adding up heee

This has to be a wind up
surely no one is this dull....

You would do it again, because you had a ridiculous excuse and still did it this time. You just don't like being told. Noone cares if you weren't going to get home in time. Stay where you started (why were you hanging round Costa anyway if you had an important meeting), sit in a car, ask to postpone, turn up late. Don't be so fucking self important and ignorant of the people you're supposed to support.

She could be a relative of the children the OP is talking about.
It’s incredibly stupid to have this conversation in public and then a bit stalkery to track her down.

Well if I was her and I found out who you were I'd report you to Lado for inappropriate safeguarding.

What a surprise OP has vanished....

It was a one off that was overheard by someone in its entirety, which then led to a 2 hour discussion with a stranger about the needs of children who are vulnerable, again WITH A STRANGER.

This has then led you to think it's appropriate to contact someone's workplace with a first name and their personal details in order to pass on your information.

Do you have issues with boundries in general?

Here's hoping she's used the information she overheard from you to report you for a safeguarding breach.

I can’t get past the fact that you did a highly confidential meeting in a public place where people could overhear the whole thing. I would imagine that would be a massive breech of confidentiality and I would personally be making a complaint. You then went on to share issues about a local authority in a public place who tout knowing this person.

I would have serious concerns about your ability to make safe decisions and would be concerned if my child was in your care tbh.

Nor me.

It sounds like a serious breach of confidentiality that this woman overhead so much detail in a public place.

I’m DSL for our company (not foster-related) and I would be sacked, instantly if I held any safeguarding related meeting in a coffee shop. And my area isn’t a vulnerable child’s care plan! You should have sat in your car. If you wanted a coffee, grab a bloody takeout and drink it in the car. The wifi in our local Starbucks reaches the car park. Tesco’s one does.

If you approach the LA / local fostering agencies to find this woman you had better not explain how you met as you have breached so many aspects of good practice, let alone the legal aspects of GDPR as she could obviously hear enough to realise that you’re a foster carer and having issues.

Do not go through her work. They may not know she fosters.

And also, get your laptop checked professionally for breaches. You were on a public wifi discussing sensitive information. I’m guessing it wasn’t a quick meeting either given it was a care planning one.

Get yourself a mobile wifi dongle so you can sit in your bloody car next time you’re running late. I’m utterly gobsmacked that the SW on the other end of that call continued it with you being in such a public place too - unless you didn’t tell them??

I shouldn’t have done the meeting in a Costa, yes I accept that and that isn’t going to happen again.

But what the hell made you think that was ok even as a one-off? You must have had a ton of GDPR training - did none of that actually lodge in your brain?

Exactly - she could be anyone! Even a social worker herself.

You need to learn to engage your brain before opening your mouth to total strangers.

I'm really hoping this is a wind-up.

If it's true, you shouldn't be a foster carer.

It’s either BS or she’ll soon be asking mumsnet to take the thread down due to ‘privacy concerns’.

Did the people on the meeting with you know you were in costa

Do you have literally NO idea about cyber security OP?

I suspect not, otherwise you'd be distraught about the possible consequences of that unsecured network.

But instead, you're fannying about looking for a woman you don't even know.

Do you realise how absolutely unprofessional and unethical you've been??

But you've already breached confidentiality and potentially endangered your foster children.

It's all well and good sating it won't happen again, but you've already put those vulnerable children at risk.

You need to manage your time more effectively to ensure you don't have to discuss people's private business in public.

This is surely gross misconduct.

Don’t they train you? Is there no information provided that a child’s care plan is confidential? Nothing? How on earth could you not know? I’m not a foster carer and even I know it’s inappropriate. And to blythly say she heard the whole thing, then you sat down and discussed with a complete stranger further.

something is seriously wrong here and I’ve a bad feeling it’s not the first time you’ve done this, does no part of you think these children deserve confidentially?