Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

I don't at all enjoy knowing why people like you want women to accept men insulting and hurting them. But I'm pleased to see that so many of them won't.

If you’ve got fine hair, then that’s what you’ve got. More important things to get upset about. 🤷‍♀️

Noted 😊

‘Smaller than I’m used to. I knew a guy and….’!

I get you @Grammarninja 💐

Why are you wasting your time with a nasty loser who likes taking you down?

You have self esteem issues to be tolerating this.

Dump him with no explanation.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk because you are ripe for abuse for entertaining him at all after the red head comment.

We teach people how to treat us.
He's testing how low your self respect is and you past with flying colours.

But he didn't just say her hair was thin, he actually said she was "nearly bald". I mean seriously, how many people (let alone a new love interest) would you really say that to? He then went banging on about his ex and her beautiful thick locks! That doesn't sound very much to me like a case of foot in mouth. If the OP is perimenopausal, then the boyfriend isn't 16 years old. He's old enough to know that calling women bald is going to upset them and to then make a point of comparing his ex girlfriend physically to her is, at the barest minimum, rude.

It's poor social skills to point out negative things about someone's appearance. So either he has poor social skills or he's purposely negging you.

What if you were conventionally ugly. Or fat. And he said oh you’re conventionally ugly or you’re fat. It’s horrible to say you can see someone’s scalp through their hair. It’s not necessary.

I mean come on, it's just rude. It's like saying to someone oh you've got a lot of wrinkles haven't you- it may be factually correct but why on earth would you say it? Add in the comparison to the ex and he's just taking the piss.

It sounds like he’s deliberately “negging” you - something sad men do to take women down a peg! I mean, there’s tactlessly pointing out a fact and there’s pointing out a fact and then comparing you unfavourably with another woman…. 🤮

@Thepeopleversuswork "I wouldn’t see it as a negative, its just a statement of fact. Possibly tactless but I doubt it was intended to hurt."

Calling a woman "nearly bald" (especially a new girlfriend) and then physically comparing her to an ex, would be considered unpleasant by the vast majority of people. Out of interest, where do you draw the line between a "statement of fact" and making personal comments to people? Would you see no problem in unfavourably comparing a current love interest to an ex?

He is negging you to try and get you under his thumb and feeling insecure. Throw this one back!

But why does he need to point it out, as if she didn't know? He's a twat

@TheTowerAtMidnight "He was just pointing out the facts. I wouldn't be remotely bothered about this."

So if you've got children, you'll be telling them it's OK to give and receive personal comments? And that they shouldn't be remotely offended if their boyfriend (or girlfriend) compares them unfavourably to an ex? Blimey.

Negging. Huge red flag.

I was going to say the same thing! Stop before sex and look at his bits and say gosh your penis and balls and balls are VERY small aren’t they! Have you ever had treatment or seen a doctor about that? I always date men with a minimum of 7 inches as that’s the norm and my last boyfriend had a very wide as well as long penis that nearly went down to his knees! 😂🤣🤣

The best way to teach him that it's hurtful is for him to get a taste of his own medicine. Comparing his wedding tackle to former lovers' will definitely get the point across. Harsh but fair should you be willing to go there.
A woman's crowning glory is comparable to his trouser treasures so I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Definately more important things to be upset about than fine hair, but the comment the OPs date made is worthy of concern...life's too short to spend time with people like this OP, it sounds like he's got a nasty streak.

If a female friend had made a comment like that bookended with examples of how some other people had lovely thick hair people would call it out as bitchiness not just stating facts.

I must admit I missed the "nearly bald" comment. Fair cop.

Are you the boyfriend's brand of autistic?

You are being way too sensitive!

Lighten up and stop seeing insults in everything.

YOU are the one who is incorrect.

He’s not autistic or ND in any way.. just thoughtless and callous and yeah I’m lacking in self esteem but that’s a long long story .. .thank you for the kind comments .. women supporting women is what we should strive for .. there’s enough men out there ready to tear us down ,belittle us and make us feel like we’re too much /not enough .. I do deserve so much better. Time to move on from this very small man if you get my drift ..

Good for you OP, he would very likely have got worse and worse over time as he sussed out how much nastiness you would put up with.

That feeling you had before of nearly walking out when he made the shitty comment about redheads is the type of feeling you want to really look out for if you start dating anyone else. Don’t give any shithead more than one chance to treat you badly.

You should be very proud that you noticed something wasn’t right about the way he spoke to you, and reached out for support for your gut feeling.

I know how it feels. When I was a teenager I had a friend who kept going on about my hair, calling it non existent. She had thick wiry hair which she didn't like, but she kept saying thst 'thin' hair like mine would be even worse. I've always had fine hair, but what of it??? It means easy to wash and dries quickly, so I can wash it every day. Depends how your boyfriend means it, but let him know it's upsetting.