Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

@MorrisHer Well done! You do deserve so much better - I am so glad you have realised this.

It’s so hard when you have low self esteem but dickheads like that don’t deserve your time. Off he can tootle!

Tell him his bald spot shows when he's walking in the wind.

<meangirl>

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Your instincts are screaming for a reason. It’s only been 4 months, bin him. I would bet money he is negging you.

What insult? Not following you, but if you say so. 😀

Are you?

This. ^ There is literally no excuse whatsover for his rude, obnoxious, negging, cruel behaviour. Even though a few posters seem to be falling over themselves to insist there should be exceptions, some men are probably just 'forthright,' and the OP (and other women) should just suck it up, and be grateful she has a man interested in her. Even a less than average, mediocre individual who isn't fit to lick her boots. 🙄

Seriously, the bar (for some women posting on here) is not only low, it's dragging on the floor!

Good woman.
Get rid of the nasty fxxker.

If you want to given him a reason, tell him you are so sorry but there is zero chemistry and the sex was just too awful.

But then I'm vengeful.

Was he telling the truth if so that’s exactly what others will be thinking.

Well done OP!

Dump this idiot- you can do so much better than this wanker

“He’s just being honest” is such a load of bollocks.

To the posters saying this, I’d love to know what the motivation would be to make such a comment. Just - why?

I have always had fine hair, always been sensitive about it. Whatever volume I did have started to go in my late 30s and now I’m really sensitive about it. And I’m well aware - I don’t need someone to “factually” point it out to me, thanks.

And if the op’s hair is actually borderline fine and she hadn’t realised, why the hell would she want this pointing out to her, just so she can have something new to feel bad about?

He’s either an insensitive fool for not realising this or indeed playing mind games.

His personnel skills are so poor that he doesn't realise that bringing up such a sensitive subject, in a new relationship is very difficult. Then worse still he harps on about his old ex with the luscious hair.

I have quite thin hair, and it's getting worse. 4 friends have even thinner hair, and it's a very sensitive issue. Think about it, you must know this.

To the posters saying this, I’d love to know what the motivation would be to make such a comment. Just - why?

I dont get this either, how does pointing out something obvious that a person already feels sensitive about help them? what does it achieve- what kind of response is he wanting from doing this?

I wouldnt tell someone they had terrible acne or were overweight because they already bloody know and how is me pointing it out going to change anything?

He's just a negging cunt. Bin him.

Think of it at the most excellent Xmas present to yourself.

He brings less to your life than a Rabbit

And PLEASE update us on his bluster when you tell him over text

I was also going to say, do not ignore the feeling of wanting to walk out. I am now divorced but still think about the time I felt like walking out on my ex-husband before we were married and he made an insulting/jokey comment about me in front of his family. I so wish I had and could have saved myself a lot of heartache over the years.

Why don’t you comment on the size of his biceps then in the next breath tell him how defined an ex used to be in comparison.

Why are women saying this is ok? My ex who was vile(short relationship) said oh your hair is so thin and so was my ex wifes hair(he was seriously abusive to her) i left him and you should leave him, it will get worse, this is how it starts

He's nasty AF.

Sometimes people say something clumsy but this isn't one of those situations.

At one point I'd lost all my hair due to illness. Margot whatever her name is that played Barbie was on TV and my DH said in passing that her hair was beautiful. The words were out of his mouth, I'd burst into tears and he had me wrapped in an embrace and apologies all at once.

Your boyfriend is a prick. He wants you to feel bad.

It doesn't matter a bit whether it was 'true' or not.

Someone I worked with ( I actually do get on really well with this person) said- your hair is really thin isn’t it? This comment haunted me & I now how hair extensions in part of my hair 🫤

OP this is a red flag.

He picked on something that he knew would make you self conscious and then straight away compared you to another woman who had great hair. That was not an "innocent" comment.

I would bet that this is the start of slowly but surely knocking down your self esteem.

This is a typical behaviour of controlling/abusive men: they are charming for the first few months then their real face starts to show.

Stop seeing him. The people who are commenting that he was just stating a fact are not taking into account the comparison with a previous girlfriend and probably have never come across this type of insidious behaviour by men like this...

It's not really about the hair, it's the fact he's thought something negative a out you and decided to tell you about it.
You need to ask yourself why someone that's supposed to really like you would do this?
He's a twat and probably trying to make you feel bad about yourself to make himself feel better.
Get rid.

100% this. It'll start 'snall' like this. Will only get worse.

The hair and whatever his preference is not the issue, the fact he is an insensitive, tactless oaf is. You are only 4 months into the relationship! What's next? An ex had thinner legs, another had smaller ears or whatever? Pointing something out is one thing and merely insensitive, comparing unfavourably to an ex is a major red flag.

Yep, self respect in the gutter. Presumably they're teaching their daughters the same thing.