Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

Maybe mention his receding hairline and that you normally go for men who have a thick thatch. Seriously bin him

Exactly.

OP- please ignore the people on here saying he is ND or has a brain injury or has early onset dementia or whatever garbage bullshit excuse they can come up with to excuse abusive men.

The only thing he is suffering from is what Russell Kane has identified as a neurological condition called Chronic Underperception Neurological Tendency.

CUNT for short 😂

Absolutely 😆😆😆😆

‘Your biceps are so small. I once went out with a man who had arms like tree trunks, threw me round the room like a rag doll’. If he gets angry at that, he did it on purpose.

Neg him right back.

Point out his baldness, teeth, height, weight, length. Whatever flaw he has. Drop it in as a backhanded compliment or in comparison to an ex.

Works everytime.

I don’t know why people make so many excuses these days.

He is a grown adult. Would he say the same thing to a 6ft body builder. No cause he’d get his head caved in.

Bin him.

I agree it was a hurtful comment and has upset you but a lot of men aren't known for their tact or diplomacy. If it was a one-off incident and you are happy with him aside from that, then personally, I would give him an opportunity to make it right. However, I've just read the follow-up posts and seems this isn't a one-off and he's not doing anything to make you feel special or important to him so you need to ask yourself if you want to continue in a relationship that feels like this.

I feel that the comment itself was insensitive, but comparing unfavourably to an ex - that was the actual red flag.

I wouldn’t continue seeing him.

Love this brilliant

Look forward to reading that you’ve thrown this particularly nasty fish back in the sea where it belongs!

My spidey senses are telling me he’s negging you.

@MorrisHer if it helps you feel better, my ex used to say my boobs were touching my knees!

yes they had drooped and I was no longer a 20 something but I didn’t need his comments to make me feel worse.

I’m sure he’s no silver fox, maybe give him a taste of his own medicine.

Ask him if he would enjoy the comparison as much if you spoke about his penis being much smaller than with men you’ve been with in the past, then wistfully looked into the distance remembering how satisfying they were. “Those were good times”

Simple. Just tell him to fuck off.

He was rude. I don’t think he said it to be nasty though. He’s literally just said what popped into his mind without thinking. Like a kid does. You’d expect better from a grown man though 🙄

This^^

Regardless of fact he is socially and emotionally immature if he doesn’t realise that’s a hurtful comment to a menopausal woman.

It’s not being ‘sensitive’ to be hurt by that. He didn’t just say it’s fine hair, he said he could see OP scalp and made a comparison to an ex. You don’t make negative comparisons of your current girlfriend to your ex. That’s not thoughtless, that’s ignorant and nasty.

I imagine he will make another comment soon and this time you need to be ready for OP. Then call him out saying ‘ Do you realise that you are socially immature for making a comment like that? Did you not learn basic manners and consideration about commenting negatively on someone’s appearance?

I Imagine he will then get defensive and call you sensitive/ over reacting. You then have your answer! If he is shocked and apologises sincerely you might give him one more chance if you believe him. I’m going with the fact he is a bit of a twat and you deserve better OP.
Someone who treats you kindly.

I’ve just turned 61 and my hair is so fine now, it used to be so thick. I’m sure it’s due to stress as well as my age so this would upset me too at your stage. I’ve discussed it with my husband but he didn’t bring it up first. We’ve been together over 30 years so that’s different than your new relationship.
i’d not be happy either,

Was she actually a girl, like a teenager? Not going to lie, he sounds like a twat. Make sure you point out how small his todger is! Say you've always had a thing for huge schlongs

🤣

Well done! You deserve better.

This is how devaluating behaviour begins, about 4 months in would be when he would start to test your limits. The negative comparison to his ex girlfriends is 100% intended to hurt. This is how abusers get away with behaviours as it seemingly starts so small. This is a massive red flag and I wouldn’t continue with this relationship.

(for context I’m a domestic abuse champion for my workplace and have completed the Freedom Program after an abusive relationship myself).

I’ve known men like this. He’s training you to put up with his bad behaviour, whittling away your self-confidence. I’d run a mile.

25% of women think that this man didn’t realise that wouldn’t be a welcome comment. Fuck my life.

Get rid.

Horrible comment. We all know our imperfections, we spend a lot of time scrutinising ourselves in a mirror and just hope others don’t notice it/ aren’t as harsh! Especially when it’s something you can’t change. About 20 years ago a boy I liked made a comment about my Turkey neck - it’s always stuck with me. I didn’t like him after that 😂