OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

[snowhunny]

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

Are you married, you keep referring to him as other half? If not and it’s your house then come on such an easy solution - ask him to leave. He treats you like a doormat and mug and you’re letting him.

What the actual fuck? No way

I just read your updates OP and though I’m spitting feathers here, things make a bit more sense (in a ghastly, depraved way.)

That family sound like something dark and oozing we’d all prefer not to know about, who've lived for centuries in parts of the country where the woods seem to shift about and lawlessness is their way of life. Incomers like you are chattels really, brood mares of no other use or interest.
That’d be all very well perhaps, if you had been brought to live among them upon marriage. After all, you chose to marry him.

But this unconscionable throwback, who thinks you should live in the cupboard under the stairs, is living in YOUR house, and still dictates who shall come to visit, and whom your children shall visit, all excluding you.

In your shoes I’d be at a solicitor’s office and Women’s Aid on Monday, intent on finishing this ridiculous setup.
Even if you don’t mind about the basis on which you are living as the mother of these children, they are observing you permitting this dismissal of your right to exist by their father, all year round..
Don’t let that poisoning of their responses continue. Sack that husband and his grotesque family, and try civilisation.

OP, tell him you want Christmas Day with just you, DH and the kids. He can do whatever he wants with “his” family on Christmas Eve (cousins, mother, visiting grandmother, hosting, whatever) and you’ll stay out the way (set up Netflix in your bedroom with booze and snacks and wrap all the kids presents, or go out and have a brilliant day), then you’ll do what you want with “your” family on Boxing Day (go to your parents and let them spoil you for the day and leave him home alone to sulk? Or host your parents and tell him to fuck off for the day?)

He is a very strange man.

What strange is that you are staying with him.

I would be splitting up and seeing him as little as possible.

He advises me that my own parents must give me advance warning when they want to visit but his family can just turn up on the day.Its my house as well by the way that I own.

Again. Why?

It's your house, why would you let this dickhead dictate what you do? I really don't understand.

THIS!

they’re awful. how dare he try to take them from you on xmas day.

sneak out with the kids and leave dh behind on xmas day. if he can do it so can you.

This is perfect 💯

I do have a child, yes. We share responsibility for them equally. Actually, DH probably does more.

From day one we have had an equal partnership. I have never ever bought a card or gift for any member of his family, adult or child, or done all the work for any celebration (we don’t celebrate Xmas).

Im suspecting the OH has always been a lazy arse. If the OP has allowed this, and rewarded it by bearing children and keeping on doing “everything” she has to take some responsibility for that.

This is insanely bizarre, but it sounds like you're on the path to getting rid of him.And I'd say you're not wrong.

Oh, like the other poster who also said 'just stop doing it', you have a DH who already actually contributes so your children would never have to actually go without.

You might not celebrate Christmas but the vast majority of families do, and it's important to them. It is important to children.

It's ridiculously unhelpful to blame women with crap husbands for having children with them in the first place. Not exactly constructive and ignores how insidious these relationship problems can be.

Hard no from me.
LTB too
x

Its your house...he expects your relatives to have to give advance warning of visits...he tells you to go and sit upstairs during his "family" visits and basically treats you like an inanimate domestic appliance and he expects you to sit alone at home and be excluded from Christmas Day...why on earth are you putting up with this. Are you married. Is he on the mortgage / deeds....

This...why are you allowing him to walk all over you in your house. I would be putting a boot up his backside...

Fuck that

When you say:

'It's my house as well by the way that I own'

Do you mean that it is owned jointly by you and your partner or that it's actually just your house? As you refer to him as your OH rather than your DH, it would be great if the house was yours and you could kick him out. Obviously it wouldn't be that easy if you jointly own the house.

God why did you marry this man?! How dare he get you to leave the house if his cousin and kids are coming round, and not want to include you!!! I would want to get far away from him and his crazy family

This...why are you allowing him to walk all over you in your house. I would be putting a boot up his backside...

It's bizarre. If someone tells you that his family can come into your house whenever but your own family can't, why would you not say, 'no, it's my house.'

Then, 'please leave'...

I am assuming you aren’t married - due to stating ‘OH’ - why are you putting up with this?!

He asks you to go out alone when his family visit?! This relationship is over - he doesn’t respect or like you and it sounds like you feel the same

It's my house that I own.

Just for reference his cousin who has kids also behaves like this, leaves his partner alone on Xmas Day and takes the kids to various family members and leaves his partner home alone.
Always visits family without her.

The siblings partners are also excluded.

No we are not married.
I have already suggested many times that it's time to move on and for him to find his own place, I literally feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I have just asked him why dosent he go to his mum's for his Xmas dinner?
I also have reminded him that it is me putting in all the work on Xmas Day and I am not having the kids cry etc just so he can drag the kids to his lazy mum's to just sit there and listen to their convo's.

They actually start crying every time they go as they get so bored, there's no other kids, no toys nothing.
They aren't allowed to bring toys as last time a toy accidentally was thrown at MIL's head.

@snowhunny I’ve only read your messages, so I’m sorry if I say this if someone has already suggested it. Your husband is being an arse. Yes your mail doesn’t sound great, but your marriage commitments are between you & your husband, being blunt your mil made no commitments to you, or you to her. She can be as odd as she wants but you also do not have to see her. Your husband on the other hand… the line about “his family is his family, yours is yours, he doesn’t reality see you as family” has complicated blown my mind.

What is the deal with your family? Can you be with them over Christmas? If I were you I’d Hope I had the guts to whisk the kids off to my family from 23rd/24th for a few days and not tell him that was the plan.

That’s on you. Just don’t do it. If he asks for some tea just say ‘ooooh yes please. I’m just poping to the loo’

Just say no . Christmas is to be spend with my own children . If he even dares to go haunts my wishes with the children it would be the last Christmas we would spend as a family !