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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

388 replies

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

OP posts:
Bambamhoohoo · 28/11/2025 16:43

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:38

When it was DC's birthday a few weeks ago one of his cousins wanted to visit with their kids.

OH told me "Can you go upstairs or go out to the cinema so we can have family time?"
This is in my own house.

He dosent really see me as family in his eyes.
His family is his family, and my family is my family.

Even with the partners of his aunts/uncles he says they are not my aunt/uncle, only the ones related to me by blood".
He is a very strange man.

How realistic is it to leave? Can you sell the house? Can you afford a new house alone?

start getting those ducks in a row OP.
do something wild, it’ll shock the hell out of him and you’ll never have to worry about who buys presents again

Charel2girl5 · 28/11/2025 16:45

Get rid he’s an absolute ars**ole.! I wouldn’t tolerate that nonsense for 2 seconds!

LAMPS1 · 28/11/2025 16:47

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 14:52

Basically it was one of the DC's birthday a few weeks ago.

He took the DC round to see MIL and when they got back I had noticed that she hadn't bought DC any birthday presents/card.
She has never bothered with their birthdays or Xmas's.
OH insists on taking DC round.

Prior to this I would always ensure that I gave MIL a birthday/Xmas present from the kids.

I felt it was a very one sided effort so I told OH from now on I will be only buying presents for the kids and he has taken offence hence why he dosent want me going to MIL (not that I would want to go anyway).

Edited

So it’s not that you aren’t invited by MIL.

It’s your OH who has taken offence at your withdrawal of including her in gift giving. Tell him to sort a gift for his mum himself if he wants to as that's the way it should be.
Are the children old enough to make her a small gift or card?
It’s good to teach them to give but not to expect anything in return, even if you don’t like her OP and don’t want to go. The joy is in the giving. they learn that by you telling them and facilitating it.

If they are old enough, he could take them round to her some time on Christmas Eve.
But he certainly shouldn’t take them away from their mum on Christmas Day.

LifeSurvior · 28/11/2025 16:49

I would have been thrilled with this scenario when mine were little. A whole evening to relax, watch a film, read, eat chocolate and have a few hours kid and Husband free after a hectic Xmas day!
Can you not just reframe it as a bit of well deserved me time and cheerfully wave them off for a bit?

ApolloandDaphne · 28/11/2025 16:50

What a horrible man.

RealEagle · 28/11/2025 16:54

Tell him to fuck off with his weirdo family .You don’t have to put up with this shit.

TheFinePrintess · 28/11/2025 16:55

Give yourself the best Christmas pressie OP - start making plans to get this horrible little man and his weirdo family out of your life

TheAutumnCrow · 28/11/2025 16:55

RealEagle · 28/11/2025 16:54

Tell him to fuck off with his weirdo family .You don’t have to put up with this shit.

Yeah, this.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/11/2025 16:57

Just get rid of him op, what is the actual point of him really?

RightSheSaid · 28/11/2025 17:03

Why don't you divorce him @snowhunny . He sounds like a lazy, selfish, dickhead. Let him take the kids to his mums on his days.

Coconutter24 · 28/11/2025 17:03

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 14:52

Basically it was one of the DC's birthday a few weeks ago.

He took the DC round to see MIL and when they got back I had noticed that she hadn't bought DC any birthday presents/card.
She has never bothered with their birthdays or Xmas's.
OH insists on taking DC round.

Prior to this I would always ensure that I gave MIL a birthday/Xmas present from the kids.

I felt it was a very one sided effort so I told OH from now on I will be only buying presents for the kids and he has taken offence hence why he dosent want me going to MIL (not that I would want to go anyway).

Edited

It’s his mum, if he’s so upset with her not receiving a gift then what is stopping him from doing the Christmas shopping to make sure she has a gift? Why did it fall to you to do?

Andepeda · 28/11/2025 17:11

Are you married OP? You're calling him OH, not DH.

I really hope you're not if it's your house.

StartingFreshFor2026 · 28/11/2025 17:14

lessglittermoremud · 28/11/2025 16:01

Op chooses to do all of that though and he doesn’t have to ask OPs permission to take his children out assuming they have joint parental responsibility.
It also sounds like it’s her DP that doesn’t really want her to go around because OP has decided not to give her MIL a gift etc which is totally understandable, I match effort and energy with both sides of our family and wouldn’t be giving her presents either.
If OP doesn’t want to be the dogsbody for Christmas then she simply needs to stop doing it all. My kids don’t care if I spend hours over a roast or if we have nibbles for the main event. What they do care about is playing board games, lounging in jammies etc It’s one day of the year and people put far too much pressure on themselves.

Show quote history

Most kids would really, really care if there were no wrapped presents and a special lunch for dinner. The whole 'just don't do it' argument falls down with mothers because most don't want their children to suffer.

Linenpickle · 28/11/2025 17:20

Do yourself a favour and kick him out! He’s a bastard!

thepariscrimefiles · 28/11/2025 17:24

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:38

When it was DC's birthday a few weeks ago one of his cousins wanted to visit with their kids.

OH told me "Can you go upstairs or go out to the cinema so we can have family time?"
This is in my own house.

He dosent really see me as family in his eyes.
His family is his family, and my family is my family.

Even with the partners of his aunts/uncles he says they are not my aunt/uncle, only the ones related to me by blood".
He is a very strange man.

I cannot see any benefits in your remaining married to this man. You do all the work and he treats you like dirt.

What is your financial situation like? Could you manage financially if you were to separate/divorce?

Do not do any preparation of food or drink for your husband's cousin who he has invited round on Christmas night. Could you take the kids and go to your family?

mummytrex · 28/11/2025 17:27

Dc going to MIL, I'd say no. You want to spend some fun time with them too after running around cooking and cleaning.

His cousins etc coming over. Fine but he needs to host and do everything and get food and drinks in.

Imisscoffee2021 · 28/11/2025 17:27

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 15:17

Me and OH have had a stained relationship for months now, we just can't really get on due to his weird expectations and people in the family always stirring.
Me advising him I will not longer be buying MIL Xmas/birthday presents is the final nail in the coffin it seems.

He has just said "you get to spend every day with DC, that's what normal people do, take the kids to on a tour to see their relatives on Xmas Day."

I never done that as a kid.

We went to my uncles and aunties one year and the following year they would come to us (lived down the next street).

As a kid it was stay home all day and pmay with toys then you do your tours round relatives on boxing day and days after. Also did a few visits christmas eve to grandparents as it was fun dropping off presents and getting all hyped for Xmas. But Xmas was a day at home, playing with toys and chilling.

Until, my parents divorced when I was eight and then it became a tour of people on Xmas day, and it just wasn't the same. And for him to say its every mothers dream to see her grandchildren in Xmas day, it's every mothers dream to do the same. Mother trumps grandmother. She had her turn and her personality aside as you aren't even invited then it should be a hard no.

Mamma1355 · 28/11/2025 17:30

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:38

When it was DC's birthday a few weeks ago one of his cousins wanted to visit with their kids.

OH told me "Can you go upstairs or go out to the cinema so we can have family time?"
This is in my own house.

He dosent really see me as family in his eyes.
His family is his family, and my family is my family.

Even with the partners of his aunts/uncles he says they are not my aunt/uncle, only the ones related to me by blood".
He is a very strange man.

I rarely comment of these type of threads as everyone says what I’m thinking already. But this:

OH told me "Can you go upstairs or go out to the cinema so we can have family time?"
This is in my own house.
He dosent really see me as family in his eyes.
His family is his family, and my family is my family.

is AWFUL. If he doesn’t see you as part of his family and vice versa then question why you are even with him.

Thecup · 28/11/2025 17:31

Just say no. No drama, no explanation, just a “that won’t work for me” if he pushes “it feels complicated- I just want a quiet day” just keep saying no. If he won’t relent, just get up and leave the room. That’s it - all sorted. If you think he will make a big scene and drag the children out on Christmas Day then you have bigger issues and need to go away on your own (with kids) for Christmas

HelloDandy · 28/11/2025 17:33

Why are you not invited? Sorry if you've already explained, I haven't read all the thread.

I'd be really pissed off at him. Do some men just not think!!

Newname71 · 28/11/2025 17:35

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:38

When it was DC's birthday a few weeks ago one of his cousins wanted to visit with their kids.

OH told me "Can you go upstairs or go out to the cinema so we can have family time?"
This is in my own house.

He dosent really see me as family in his eyes.
His family is his family, and my family is my family.

Even with the partners of his aunts/uncles he says they are not my aunt/uncle, only the ones related to me by blood".
He is a very strange man.

DH said something similar to me years ago when we first married. He told me his family were his only real family, I was not “blood”.
I suggested he fuck off and live with one of them then!
Funnily enough, 27 years down the line not one of his family bother with him or each other. They’re a bloody odd lot too!
The only family he really has now is mine.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/11/2025 17:37

Even if you were divorced I wouldn’t agree to this, let alone this is your actual partner that is meant to like and love you. Shocking. Tell him no!

RedToothBrush · 28/11/2025 17:38

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:22

And DC don't even like going there.

He is only really doing it for his own reasons like saying "It's every mothers dream to see her grand kids on Xmas Day."

The kids will open their presents and be happy and then be dragged into the car and will probably cry and they go to his mum's for them just to be sat their listening to them talk.

Edited

You are a mother. It's your dream to spend all day with your kids.

He's telling you that he values his mother more than he values you as a mother to his children.

Hard no and serious conversations about why he's a mummy's boy who doesn't give a shit about you.

Cherrysoup · 28/11/2025 17:38

Tell your Dh he can get his family presents-why on earth would you do it? If his cousins etc come round, he can organise footed/presents, just sit back and do nothing. Go on, be brave!

Over40Overdating · 28/11/2025 17:39

What does this lazy, stroppy cold fish add to your life @snowhunny ?

So concerned about family yet expects you to buy the gifts, make all the effort and then hide away so he can spend time with his ‘real’ family.

If it’s your house, that you own, I would suggest for Christmas you gift him the opportunity to spend all his time with his real family by moving in with one of them.

He doesn’t see you as family, so leave him to it.